Does Puberty Have to Suck?

We're exploring what can be done to support Black tweens and teens as they wade through uncharted waters.

Puberty has been a touchy subject within the Black community–but it shouldn’t be. The myths associated with it have given way to harmful ideas without acknowledging the various changes that tweens and teens are rapidly experiencing. We should highlight accurate, supportive insights that celebrate young people’s growth though. It’s an exciting time for parents and their children if we allow it to be.

Alisha Woodal, a licensed counselor who has worked with adolescents, explores some misconceptions about Black puberty and how they may differ from other racial or ethnic groups. “I think it's interesting, from a cultural perspective, obviously, different cultures are gonna have different cultural norms,” she says. “[S]o when you talk about puberty, I think historically, in our community, we don't talk as much about our feelings and the changes that we're experiencing.”

Woodal notes that there has been a slight shift in the way we discuss puberty compared to previous generations. “Being open and accepting of the fact that cultures and things in society have shifted and changed. They may not be the way they were for us in the 90s or 2000,” she says. “And so just really giving them room to breathe and being curious, and asking questions. I can't emphasize that enough. We have to be willing to talk to our kids and invite space for them to give safe answers.”

With Black girls’ biological and psychological development comes misogynistic attitudes and patriarchal ideals that they battle before properly understanding what is happening to them. With their family, caregivers and community putting these harmful stereotypes on them, Woodal believes language can contribute to Black girls having a more joyful outlook on the process. “I think it starts with the language and the verbiage that we use for very normal behaviors and developmental patterns of young people. And so, educating ourselves on those developmental shifts to watching the words that we use when we're defining and describing young girls,” she says.

There are a number of consequences for not adequately supporting children’s natural growth. Dr. Jessica Webb Young said, “[A]s a pediatrician, that's where I always get concerned, if they don't have that support, they're much more likely to experience symptoms consistent with mental health disorders.” Self-esteem issues may follow. “If they don't have that support from their family structure, kind of that reassurance, then it really can feed negatively back into that issue with self-esteem that most adolescents already naturally experienced,” Dr. Young also says. “Not having the support from the family can have longer term effects throughout their life as well.”

Thankfully, the inverse is true as well. Dr. Young’s insight is reflected in the way Shani Ellis, parent to a 10-year-old Black girl, is navigating this tender time in her child’s life.

Recounting that her experience with puberty differs from that of her child. “I remember learning about puberty at school first and just discussing it with my friends,” she tells me. Ensuring that the conversation starts at home, she says “Now I talk to my daughter as I see things come up or I'll talk about things that will eventually happen. My daughter is at the age where she can get her period any day now, so I really want her to be prepared and not be shocked by all these changes.”

Ellis also wants to maintain an openness in terms of how they speak to one another. “It's not always going to be perfect, but my main goal is for her to know that all these changes and feelings are normal and that we will work through them together.”

In offering advice for parents and caregivers on how they can educate themselves about the unique needs of Black girls, tweens and teens during puberty, Ellis points to resources that’ll help parents be more informed and supportive. “I mean the best resource would be asking your child and being open to hearing what they have to say. We may not always like what is said but we should consider listening more than talking and lecturing sometimes.”

She points to books as a means of learning about how to best support children. “Another resource I enjoyed reading with my daughter was Celebrate Your Body (and Its Changes, Too!): The Ultimate Puberty Book for Girls by Sonya Renee Taylor. It felt great reading chapter by chapter with my daughter and discussing things along the way. I like to believe that reading this book together helped to normalize a lot of things that felt taboo to speak about with my mom.”

Breaking the cycle and ensuring Black girls, tweens and teens have a trusted support system they can rely on to provide helpful information as they grow is invaluable. “It's something that we really have to think about, especially within the Black community,” said Dr. Webb Young. “How are we setting our children up for success so that for generations to come, our great, great, great grandchildren are still set up for success because of something that we did really good for our own kids.”

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