What Does It Mean When You Dream of Someone Who Has Died?
It may be more common than you think
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Medically reviewed by Shaheen Lakhan, MD, PhD, FAAN
Dreaming about someone who died can be intense and chilling. For many people, the dreams are extremely vivid and the person you’re dreaming about seems very much alive. These dreams can be joyful, but also scary or disturbing. Whatever your experience, you should know that dreaming about someone you lost is actually super common.
“Dreams about loved ones who have passed away can be quite common and are a normal part of the grieving process,” says Michelle King, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist based in Southern California.
In fact, one study found that almost 60% of people who’ve lost loved ones have dreams about them. Most people reported their dreams were both positive and also unsettling, though a few shared that these dreams were primarily unsettling.
Here, we’ll take a closer look at what it means when you dream about someone who died, including the basics of dream interpretation, grief and healing through dreams, and what the different types of dreams about a lost loved one might mean.
Related: Why Do We Dream?
Interpreting Dreams About Deceased Loved Ones
The art of dream interpretation goes back for pretty much as long as humans have been recording their thoughts. The renowned Greek physician Hippocrates, who lived from 460–377 BCE believed our dreams would tell us about the type of medical conditions we had.
In more modern times, psychologist Sigmund Freud theorized that dreams reflected our unconscious conflicts, and dreams and were how we protect ourselves from experiencing these conflicts in waking life. Psychologist Carl Jung thought that dreams were a way to teach us about and illuminate our unconscious feelings and desires.
If you are having dreams about a loved one, you are probably wondering what these dreams mean—what they may be telling you about the person who passed, your relationship with them, and more.
“It’s important to remember that dream interpretation is not an exact science and can vary greatly depending on cultural, personal, and situational factors,” says King. Still, she says, these dreams can definitely give us info about our own grief journeys.
For example, a dream of this kind might symbolize the person’s enduring influence on your life, potential unresolved issues you may have with them, or your ongoing feelings of loss and longing for them, King says.
Margaret Pendergrass, LCSW, GC-C, a licensed clinical social worker and a certified grief counselor in Roswell, GA, says it makes sense that the emotion of grief comes up frequently in dreams. “We are still trying to make sense of the loss of a loved one, which can otherwise feel pretty senseless,” she explains. “Having a grief dream only means that our brains are still trying to process what we have experienced.”
Grief and Healing in Dreams
Grieving is a process, and although no two journeys are exactly the same, most people go through about five stages of grief, which were first identified by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. These include:
The stages of grief can be in different orders for some folks, and may include other stages and feelings. People also take varying amounts of time to work through their grief. Working through grief may involve sharing your feelings with others, including a therapist. It may involve journaling, taking time off of work to rest and heal, and practicing self-care (journaling, catching up on sleep, meditation) as you process your loss.
So where do dreams fit in in the grieving process? First, says Pendergrass, dreams can help us understand some of the more difficult feelings we may be dealing with in our grieving process.
After reflecting on these more upsetting dreams—and perhaps working with a therapist—we may be able to see some part of our grief that is hidden or not fully healed.
But grief dreams can also be comforting, and might help us gain new understandings of our feelings about the person we lost. These dreams can aid in the healing process by allowing you to feel a sense of real connection with the person you lost, says King. “They might also help the dreamer confront and process their emotions,” King describes. For instance, a dream where the dreamer is able to say goodbye to the deceased might bring a sense of closure.
Related: 9 Types of Grief People May Experience, According to Experts
Types of Dreams About Deceased Loved Ones
There are a handful of dreams about loved ones who’ve passed that seem to be fairly universal—i.e., tons of folks seem to have these types of dreams. We asked our experts to weigh in on some of these commonly occurring dreams. Here’s what they had to say:
Reunion Dreams
“In these dreams, the dreamer might interact with the deceased in a normal setting, as if they were still alive,” King says. And what does this typically mean? “This could reflect the dreamer's desire to reconnect with the person or the person's continued presence in the dreamer's subconscious,” King describes.
Dreams Where the Person Is Still Alive
Pendergrass says that it’s common for people who’ve lost loved ones to dream that they are still alive. “In the dream, it could be that their death was a ‘joke’ or a ‘mistake,’” she says. “This usually means that we are still working through true acceptance that the loved one is gone.”
Message Dreams
Many folks have dreams where a loved one appears to be delivering you a message or a piece of advice. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the person is actually trying to tell you something, King explains. Rather, it usually says something about your own emotional state. “This could reflect the dreamer's internal dialogue or their desire for guidance,” King explains.
Distressing Dreams
What does it mean if you have a generally distressing or disturbing dream about someone who died? “If the deceased appears distressed or the dream is unsettling, it might indicate the dreamer's unresolved guilt, anger, or sorrow related to the person,” King says.
Dreams That Take Place in the Past
It’s also fairly common to have a dream about a loved one that takes place in the past, when they were still alive, and you are interacting with them. Past memories may come to the surface in these dreams, Pendergrass notes. “These dreams reflect memories from earlier life that we may still be trying to process and understand,” she explains. “After losing someone, we can be reminded of memories that we never fully made sense of before.”
Related: What to Say to Someone Who Lost a Loved One
Coping Strategies
Sometimes the dreams we have about our loved ones who’ve passed can be disturbing or triggering. Even if the dreams themselves aren’t upsetting, just being reminded of our loved ones can be a lot to carry and can affect us profoundly. You might be wondering what you can do to manage the feelings that these dreams might unearth.
Here are some tips from our experts:
Journaling
Keeping a dream journal is a wonderful way to work through the feelings that these dreams provoke. “Journaling on your dreams is helpful, because writing them down is another way to help make sense of things,” says Pendergrass.
Takeaway
Doing so helps us process the “story” of the dream and uncover themes. In the process of recording the dream, you may find home hidden “meanings” that you hadn’t thought of before, Pendergrass says.
Self-Care Practices
Practicing self-care is so important as you move through grief. King recommends:
Regular physical activity
Sticking to a healthy diet
Engaging in mindfulness practices such as meditation or breathing exercises
Maintaining a regular sleep schedule
Seeking Professional Help
You don’t have to do this on your own. “If the dreams are causing significant distress or interfering with daily life, speaking with a mental health professional could be beneficial,” King says. “They can provide coping strategies and help the person navigate their grief.”
To locate a mental health professional to handle grieving, you can start by reaching out to your healthcare provider for a referral. You can also look at therapist listings through your insurance company or via organizations like The American Psychological Association.
Most therapists have experience helping people with grief, but you should always ask what your therapist’s training and background is. It’s normal for it to take a few tries to find a therapist whose vibe works for you; keep trying. Compassionate care is out there for you, and you deserve it.
Related: 3 Dream Interpretation Tips, From a Psychotherapist
The Bottom Line
It can be startling and unnerving to have a dream about someone who has died. The feelings elicited by the dream can linger for hours or even days. These dreams can also be positive and make you feel like you got to be with your loved one once again. Even then, you may have bittersweet feelings when you wake up and realize they are still gone.
Takeaway
Above all, it’s important to accept your feelings about these dreams for what they are, and to understand that these dreams are your ways of moving through the grieving process. Ultimately, the dreams can help you heal from the loss.
Remember, if you are having trouble managing your feelings as you grieve, you are definitely not alone. Not only that, but help is out there for you. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist or counselor to guide you on your journey.
Read Next: Do You Dream Every Night?
Read the original article on Verywell Mind.
