What Does It Mean to Be Aromantic?
Like sexual attraction, romantic attraction exists on a spectrum. Although different, both are important aspects of one’s identity. While sexual attraction is one’s ability to feel sexual desire or interest in someone, romantic attraction is one’s capacity to develop a strong, intimate emotional connection with a particular partner. When discussing romantic attraction, there are some identities you might not be super familiar with. Aromantic, or aro, is one term you may have heard of before and want to know more about.
“Someone who is aromantic does not experience romantic attraction to other people or only experiences romantic attraction under certain circumstances,” Ted Lewis (they/them), Youth and Families Director at the Human Rights Campaign, explains.
Aromanticism itself is a spectrum, which means some aromantic people may feel “levels or layers of romantic attraction,” Lewis adds. Demiromantic people only feel romantic attraction after forming an emotional bond with someone, while greyromantic people “very rarely, weakly, unreliably or gain/lose attraction in unusual or unknown circumstances,” the Aromantic-Spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy (AUREA) defines on their website.
Those on the aromantic spectrum may or may not feel particularly enthusiastic about finding a partner, or have an interest in the societal expectations of romance, such as cuddling or holding hands. But, “it’s important to note that being aromantic doesn’t mean that you don’t feel or experience love,” Keygan Miller (they/them), Public Training Manager at The Trevor Project, explains. “You may experience strong feelings of love for family and friends, as well as partners.”
Everyone’s experience is different and one’s identity as aromantic might not look exactly the same as someone else’s. But to help you better understand what it means to be aromantic, we break down all the key definitions and resources below.
What is the difference between being aromantic and asexual?
Asexual people experience little to no sexual attraction, whereas aromantic people do not feel romantic attraction. “There is a large intersection between the two — partly because we have a lot of awareness of both these identities in both communities — but it’s definitely possible to be one without the other,” Michael at the Asexual Visibility and Education Network explains. This means that someone who is aromantic might not identify as asexual, and someone who is asexual might not identify as aromantic.
“While some aromantic people may also identify as asexual, not all aromantic people do. Many aromantic [people] experience sexual attraction,” Miller says.
“There are a lot of things that make up our identity, and who we are physically and romantically attracted to is just one aspect of your identity that can be discovered over time in many different ways,” Miller adds. “Remember, nothing is set in stone, and you don’t have to label yourself with a term unless you’re ready. Your feelings may or may not change over time, and that is completely okay!”
How does being aromantic affect relationships?
Being aromantic does not mean never being in a relationship. “Aromantic people can still have intimate or sexual relationships, or even get married and have children,” Miller explains. “These partnerships just might look different than a romantic relationship. Aromantic relationships may be based on platonic love, rather than romantic love, or a desire for intimacy, affection, family and commitment.”
Some aromantic people might desire a sexual relationship but don’t form a romantic or intimate attraction to their partner, Lewis adds.
Again, aromantic people are capable of love, may have previously fallen in love, or have previously been in a romantic relationship. They may or may not even still be interested in a romantic relationship under certain conditions, but that might look different from what’s depicted in media or expected based on societal norms.
“Similar to asexual people, aromantic people often report feeling ‘broken’ or ‘wrong’ for not feeling a romantic attraction to others that our culture often pushes as something everyone has or wants,” Lewis says.
“Whether or not someone is interested in romantic relationships, they can still have a fulfilling life filled with love for their family and friends,” Miller adds.
Is there an aromantic pride flag?
Yes! The aromantic pride flag consists of five horizontal stripes of dark green, light green, white, grey, and black. Dark green represents aromanticism, light green symbolizes the aromantic spectrum, white stands for platonic love and friendships, grey represents demiromantic and greyromantic people, and black symbolizes the sexuality spectrum, Lewis and Miller explain.
“The flag uses green to represent aromanticism because green is thought to be the opposite of red, a color commonly associated with romance,” Miller adds.
Are there resources available for aromantic people?
Lewis and Miller highlight a number of organizations for aromantic people and people on the aromantic spectrum that provide resources and communities to get involved in. These include the Aromantic-Spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy (aromanticism.org), The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project (taaap.org), Aces & Aros (acesandaros.org), and PFLAG (pflag.org). The Asexual Visibility and Education Network also offers helpful resources on asexuality, as does The Trevor Project and the Human Rights Campaign.
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