What Does Breadcrumbing Actually Mean?
Truth time, fam. Have you ever flirted with someone because you wanted the attention, not because you wanted to start a romantic relationship with them? If so, *gavel bangs* you're guilty of breadcrumbing.
Before you plead your innocence, hear us out. According to Urban Dictionary, breadcrumbing is defined as: "When the 'crush' has no intentions of taking things further, but they like the attention. So they flirt here or there, send dm/texts just to keep the person interested, knowing damn well they’re staying single."
It's been described as "the new ghosting" and, to put it frankly, is a totally jerk thing to do to someone. Basically, you're purposely leading someone on just so you can get a lil' serotonin boost — but there are way better (and not rude) ways to do that, such as exercising more or spending time outdoors in the sunshine.
Of course, some people breadcrumb "because their self-esteem is impacted by how much attention they can secure from others," according to Kelly Campbell, Ph.D., an associate professor of psychology and human development at California State University, San Bernardino, who was interviewed by Brides.com. Another reason could be because they're already in a relationship.
Whatever the rationale for breadcrumbing is, it's never OK. You're playing with someone's emotions. Life is hard enough without purposely messing with a person's head and heart.
How can you tell if you're being breadcrumbed?
There are a few signs for you to look out for if you think someone is breadcrumbing you:
You're super confused about what you and them even are. TBH, dating in the 21st century is more confusing than it was for generations before us, especially when it comes to the classic "Are we dating or just hanging out?" question that has plagued countless people. According to PureWow, "A breadcrumber thrives on serving up inconsistency, which is why they oscillate between being super into you and going cold." Things could be going great between you two one day, then the next they're barely texting you back or going dark. This type of behavior is perplexing, and just when you think whatever the "relationship" was is over, *POOF!* they pop back into your life and the breadcrumbing continues.
They don't follow through with plans. True, they could just be super duper busy, but 24/7? Nuh uh. If you feel like you're being strung along by someone who hasn't made and kept concrete plans with you, hope you're hungry because you're having breadcrumbs for dinner. A ghoster will fall off the face of the Earth, but a breadcrumber will reappear only to later leave again.
They're already in a relationship. Unless that person is polyamorous or has an open relationship with their partner in which both parties are on the same page and in agreement about what that means for them, this could be a big red flag.
What do I do if I'm a victim of breadcrumbing?
First of all, it's not your fault. If you're being hard on yourself and saying you walked into this situation, stop that thinking right 👏 this 👏 moment. The person to blame is the one who is breadcrumbing. End of story.
What you can do is cut off communication with that person. Breadcrumbers thrive on attention, so don't give them any. You deserve to focus your efforts on someone who will fully be there for you, not just when it's convenient or when they want some quick TLC.
Another suggestion is getting off your phone/social media/the internet for a bit. We know, we know, that is hard to do! But if someone was sending you breadcrumbs on your latest TikTok post or the cute beach pic you shared on Instagram, but then not putting forth much effort elsewhere, then that's only going to make ditching them harder. Getting off social media for a little bit will be helpful in the long run, trust us.
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