'Did We Just Become Best Friends?'—Yep, and Here Are 59 Other Unforgettable 'Step Brothers' Quotes
Climb onto your collapsible bunk bed and get ready to sleepwalk and throw Christmas presents—it's a Step Brothers movie quote explosion! We've gathered all the best Step Brothers quotes from Brennan Huff (Will Ferrell) and Dale Doback (John C. Reilly), their parents/stepparents Nancy Huff (Mary Steenburgen) and Robert Doback (Richard Jenkins), Dale's brother Derek (Adam Scott) and his wife Alice (Kathryn Hahn) for your enjoyment.
So, hop aboard the boat of your dad's dreams, cue up this fan-favorite flick with a stepsibling while you sail, and let dad's dream wreck on the rocks while you shout your favorite lines from this classic comedy!
60 Best Quotes from Step Brothers
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1. Brennan: I'm Brennan.
Dale: I'm Dale. But you have to call me Dragon.
Brennan: You have to call me Nighthawk.
2. Dale: Can we turn our beds into bunk beds?
Brennan: It will give us so much extra space in our room to do activities!
3. Brennan: Well, Pan . . .
Pam: No, my name is Pam.
Brennan: Are you saying, Pan or Pam?
Pam: Pam. Pam, with an M.
Brennan: Pand? There’s a D on the end?
Pam: There’s no D. It's Pam.
Dale: It's like "comb" except P-A-N-M.
Brennan: P-A-M . . . There's two M's. That was the confusion.
4. Brennan: Listen, I know we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.
Dale: I would follow you into the mists of Avalon, if that's what you mean.
5. Brennan: Did we just become best friends?
Dale: Yep!
Brennan: Do you wanna do karate in the garage?
Dale: Yep!
6. (Lines uttered whilst awakening from a deep slumber.)
Brennan: I'll kill you, Leonard Nimoy.
Dale: The clown has no penis.
7. "Boats 'n' hoes, boats 'n' hoes . . . I gotta' have me my boats 'n' hoes."—Huff 'N Doback
8. Dale: You were dead. I saw you die.
Brennan: I was faking. I used ninja focus to slow my heart rate down.
9. Brennan: This house is a f-----g prison!
Dale: On Planet B------t!
Brennan: In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel D---s!
10. Brennan: Where did he go to medical school?
Nancy: He went to Northwestern and Johns Hopkins—is that good enough for you? Brennan: No, it's not.
Nancy: Well, Brennan, those are very prestigious schools.
Brennan: I smoked pot with Johnny Hopkins.
Nancy: You don't know anyone named Johnny Hopkins.
Brennan: It was Johnny Hopkins and Sloan Kettering. And they were blazing that s--t up every day.
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Best Step Brothers Quotes by Dale
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11. "You should have never let us make bunk beds! It was a terrible idea! There’s blood everywhere! Dad, Nancy, it’s so bad! There’s blood everywhere. Those bunk beds were a terrible idea. Why’d you let us do that? It’s so bad!"
12. "That’s so funny. The last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur."
13. "You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learned doctors."
14. "One time I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands."
15. “Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. I can’t even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.”
16. “This is going to sound weird but, for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn.”
17. "Dad, what're you doing? It's shark week!"
18. "Look, I wanna' be honest with you. I really need a job. And, I will take any position as long as it doesn't involve having sex with old ladies for money, or bear traps. Those are my two bugaboos.“
19. "I’m f-----g miserable. I had to get up at 10 o’clock this morning.”
20. Dale: I manage a baseball team.
Nancy: Little League?
Dale: Fantasy League.
Related: These 55 Dwight Schrute Quotes From The Office Are Basic Human Necessities
Best Step Brothers Quotes by Brennan
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31. (Whilst sleepwalking) "Aunt Carol's on fire!"
32. “Two things: You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother. She's a saint! And then you sit down and you write Dale and Brennan a check for $10,000 or I'm gonna shove one of those fake hearing devices so far up your ass you can hear the sound of your small intestine as it produces s--t!"
33. “Last week, we put liquid paper on a bee . . . and it died.”
34. Brennan: I'm not going to call him dad.
Nancy: Brennan, you're 39 years old, I would not expect you to call him dad.
Brennan: Well, I'm not going to. Ever! Even if there's a fire!
35. "I’m gonna fill a pillowcase full of bars of soap and beat the s--t out of you!”
36. "My mom is being eaten by a dog and there's nothing I can do!"
37. "I swear, I'm so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she's of age, I'm putting her in a home."
38. "I traveled 500 miles to give you my seed!"
39. "I'll kiss you right on the mouth, Kenny Rogers."
40. "I got a bellyful of white dog crap in me and now you lay this s--t on me?"
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Best Step Brothers Quotes about the Drum Set
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41. Dale: This is the one rule of the house: Don't ever, ever, ever touch my drum set.
42. Dale: Why are you so sweaty?
Brennan: I was watching Cops.
43. Dale: I know you touched my drum stick, because the left one has a chip in it.
44. Dale: F--k you, Brennan! I know you touched my drum set, and I wanna hear that dirty little mouth admit it!
Brennan: You get out of my face, or I'm gonna roundhouse your ass!
45. Dale: You swear on your mom's life that you didn't touch it!
Brennan: I don't have to swear to s--t!
Dale: That's because you f-----g touched my drum set... because I know Cops doesn't start till four!
46. Brennan: I'm going upstairs. Cause I'm gonna put my nutsack on your drum set! Okay!?
47. Dale: I'm warning you, right now, if you touch my drum set, I will stab you in the neck with a knife!
48. Brennan (shouting while placing his "nutsack" on Dale's snare drum): John Bonham's playing "Moby Dick" for real!
49. Brennan: Your drum set's a whore! I teabagged your f-----g drum set!
50. Robert: Rock the f--k out of those drums, Dale!
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Other Unforgettable Step Brothers Quotes
51. Nancy, Brennan's mom: Today, I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon.
52. Robert: When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex more than anything in the world. I made my arms short, and I roamed the backyard. I chased the neighborhood cats. I growled, and I roared. Everybody knew me and was afraid of me. And one day, my dad said,
"Bobby, you’re 17. It’s time to throw childish things aside," and I said, "OK, Pop." But he didn’t really say that. He said, "Stop being a f-----g dinosaur and get a job.”
53. Derek: I'm not great at this Hallmark stuff, but Brennan, when I look at you now, I don't want to kick you in the head quite as much.
54. Derek: I haven't had a carb since 2004.
55. A veritable choir of voices in the film, including Brennan's own mother, Nancy, "for a little while": Brennan has a mangina!
56. Nancy: Brennan, Denise called and she said she can't spend New Year's Eve with you because she's not your girlfriend—she's your therapist.
57. Sporting Goods Manager: Was that a fart?
Dale: I don't know.
Sporting Goods Manager: I can taste it. On my tongue.
Dale: Okay, I'll be honest with you. I did fart.
Sporting Goods Manager: Is that onion? Onion and... onion and ketchup.
58. Denise, Brennan's therapist/girlfriend: Brennan told me he was going to hurl his body off a helicopter into shark-infested waters so I had a legal obligation to be here.
59. Alice, Derek, Robert: It's the f-----g Catalina Wine Mixer.
60. Dale and Brennan: Chewbacca masks!
Dale: Chewbacca!
Brennan: It's okay that mine's not movie quality.
