Dear Richard Madeley: ‘Having been widowed this year, I am dreading Christmas’
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Dear Richard,
I have two amazing adult children who show me great love. Having been widowed earlier this year I am dreading Christmas: each of my children has invited me to spend the holiday with them with no pressure on whom I choose.
The problem is that each of them will have other guests, who I know – but I really don’t think I can face being sociable. They were both horrified when I said I might spend the day alone just to reflect. I am grateful that they care so much but I feel conflicted by my own needs and their wishes. What’s your advice?
— Anon, via email
Dear Anon,
I am very, very clear on this. You own your widowhood. The grief and suffering and sense of loss you are currently experiencing is for you to deal with in absolutely your own way.
So it follows that if this Christmas, your first since bereavement, is a time you wish to spend in quiet solitude and reflection, then that is exactly what you must do. Loving and well-meant as your children’s invitations undoubtedly are, your needs take precedence over their wishes, however generously they may be founded.
It really is as simple as that, Anon. And we’re talking about a relatively brief, fixed period. A very wise friend of mine used to say about Christmas dilemmas such as these: ‘It’s only a day. Just a day.’ She was right. It is only a day, however difficult in prospect on this occasion, and you must be allowed to plot your own route through it. And there’s always next year, isn’t there? Good luck.
