How to Deal With Mansplaining at Work

It's important to be assertive when your voice isn't being heard.

There are countless famous jokes about mansplaining, like the one where a dude tells a woman she's wrong about a scientific paper that she was actually the author of, but mansplaining isn't just for memes and twitter threads. Unfortunately, it's very real, a fact to which most women can probably attest.

While there is of course room for gender variance, mansplaining is typically understood as the act of a man explaining something to a woman that she likely already knows and for which she has not invited an explanation.

It's annoying, it's absurd, and when it's a friend doing it you just can walk away—but what can you do when it happens at work, where you're trapped both physically and behaviorally? Let's discuss what to do when the complicating factor of work hierarchy is at play.

The Impact of Mansplaining

No good comes from mansplaining, obviously, but just how bad is it? "There's an overall trend for men to talk for longer—both in terms of time spent talking, and also, time spent talking without being interrupted—at work," explains Dr. Tessa West, Professor of Psychology at New York University and author of Jerks at Work and Job Therapy.

Takeaway

Research backs this up: Women speak less at university colloquiums and people who speak more are more likely to be considered leaders.

As you might suspect, mansplaining can hurt both employee morale and overall performance in the workplace. "Aside from this behavior irritating people, it can really harm how groups function and the decisions they make," says West. "When the wrong people are listened to, poor decisions are made," she notes.

In addition to work product suffering, employees won't want to deal indefinitely. "Granting status to men simply because they're men also decreases the likelihood that competent people who aren't men are willing to stick around," she says.

Spotting Mansplaining at Work

A man simply talking isn't mansplaining—this is a myth or exaggeration that can be counterproductive. It's more about how much he's talking, if he has expertise, and if he's allowing others to talk equally much.

She adds that "if you find that men are dominating conversations more regardless of how expert they are, then you're probably in a situation where people are giving men status even if they don't deserve it." She says that workplaces that shut down women also tend to quiet younger employees, too.

My Experience With Mansplaining in a Professional Setting

I never believed that mansplaining at work could possibly be as bad as people claim...until I spent a couple months working with men and was completely blown away by this occurrence. I was functioning as the Corporate Wellness Director of a large restaurant group, tasked with putting healthier food options in their restaurants.

The executive chefs at each restaurant were in a position technically "below" mine, and I was there specifically for my decades of experience in special diet chef work, but they constantly talked over me and explained—usually incorrectly—the ingredients and techniques I was bringing to the restaurant.

When I complained to the company's vice presidents about how dysfunctional this was, I was told that respect in the restaurant world is earned, not given. My job was to act as though these men were brilliant, so they would like me more and maybe eventually let me speak, and I just couldn't do that. Luckily, the job ended when COVID shut down restaurants.

Strategies to Deal With Mansplaining at Work

If you're dealing with mansplaining at work, here are a few ways to deal with it:

• Keep a log of events: Always write down the dates and times you couldn't speak or were cut off because a man talked over you. "Don't rely on your memory here—it's just as likely to be influenced by what you expected to happen in that meeting than what actually happened," suggests West.

• If you're in a position to do so, set rules: "Create some rules going into meetings for how you will make sure voices will be heard. You can frame this in terms of smart group decision making, not shutting down 'mansplaining," West says.

• Note who contributes: Calling out whose idea is whose helps prevent men from repeating an idea and then taking the credit for it. "Mansplainers aren't just good at sucking the oxygen out of the room, they are good at having other people's ideas stick to them," who says that this tip helps stop them.

Ahead, we'll discuss how to take the situation to HR or management if these techniques are not enough to stop the problem.

Assertive Communication Techniques

Forethought is key in handling mansplaining. Interrupting a mansplainer is an option, but it isn't likely to get you far. "Trying to interrupt them constantly is akin to bringing a knife to a gun fight,' says West.

Instead, she says it ought to be a team effort. "You need to plan ahead, and use the other members of the team to kneecap this behavior," West explains. "Having someone else (preferably with status and power) interrupt this person and say, thanks for your thoughts, but we'd love to hear from others...' is a strategy that works well, but you need to assign this role ahead of time." She says this lets them know their behavior won't be tolerated.

Takeaway

If this feels like a big leap, begin first by sharing your concerns with your colleagues. Establishing community will help you all work together, and if a group of you go to a person in power with your concern, there's a better chance of you being taken seriously on the first try.

If a group of you getting together to squelch the 'splaining isn't an option, you can practice being assertive on your own. Keep a calm but firm tone when you speak, use body language that is strong and powerful to you, and set reasonable boundaries. If you often feel overwhelmed in the moment, try rehearsing what you'll want to say in advance, in front of a mirror.

Addressing Mansplaining With Managers and HR

When everything you've tried on your own or with colleagues falls flat, know that you still have options. HR and management are there to handle problems like this, even if they don't exactly act thrilled or excited to.

"If you're going to bring the issue to HR, you need concrete behaviors to support your claims," recommends West. She says, "stay away from ad hominem judgments like, 'this person is rude and toxic and talks too much.'"

Takeaway

This is why it's important to have recorded the instances complete with dates and times. West tells us that the difference in how that information will be seen, versus if it's just a conceptual complaint, is huge.

"Comments like, 'in the last meeting, this person talked for 90% of the time, shut down the voices of 5 junior people, and is making people feel intimidated to speak up—such as so and so (who is willing to come forward)' will have a much stronger impact," she explains.

Self-Care and Empowerment

If you're dealing with a mansplainer, you already know about what an energy drain it can be. Do your best to leave work at work, and not let it take up your mental and emotional energy afterwards.

This can best be done with intentional practices that are for your own wellness. Consider taking a bath when you get home from work, or going for a walk. You can also journal your feelings, practice some mindful breathing, or meet up with a friend.

While you can do things on your own to make sure mansplainers don't drive you totally nuts, when it comes to feeling empowered, that will probably happen most easily in a group setting at work.

As the old adage goes, nothing changes if nothing changes, so make sure your work is focused on the what and the how of fixing the situation. "I'm not talking about private conversations after that meeting where members of the team come to you and say, 'I'm sorry you're feeling like you don't have a voice here.' I'm talking about them actually doing the things that give you a voice, in the moment, when the mansplaining is happening," says West.

If your work just won't step up, you might want to consider a change of position. "If people only privately support you behind the scenes but won't speak up in the moment, then you should feel empowered to find a better situation elsewhere," West tells us.

Takeaway

Mansplaining isn't just annoying, it also leads to bad group decisions and lower employee morale. It happens whenever a man takes up space he doesn't deserve to have, talking over others and professing knowledge he doesn't necessarily possess.

You can deal with it by speaking to your colleagues and approaching a higher-up person to create change, and if that doesn't work, you can go to HR with solid examples of the unacceptable behavior.

Take care of yourself during the process and communicate clearly, calmly, and assertively. With hard work and some luck, a mansplainer can be put in his place. And if your work refuses to do that, you may want to consider a new place to take your skills, where they will be better appreciated.

Read the original article on Verywell Mind.