Day and Night: The Back to School Routine

Overwhelmed? Here are our expert tips and tricks to help kids back to their routines before you get back to chaos.

Medically reviewed by Janet Taylor, M.D.

The summer months seem to be made for embracing more flexible schedules, with impromptu pool parties to attend, ice cream to eat for dinner (just this once!), and late nights chasing fireflies until the streetlights come on. However, for many families, the transition to the school year that follows can often feel tricky as it revolves around routines and down-to-the-minute schedules.

While many of us may view routines as a “nice to have” not a “need to have” element of daily life, study after study has proved the myriad benefits that routines can have for children and adults.

Melissa Racioppa, PhD, CCLS is the chair and assistant professor of psychology in the Child Life School of Health Professions and Education at Utica University. Having studied the implementation of routines and the positive effects they can have especially in family life, she shares that routines not only help alleviate feelings of uncertainty for children but also help them thrive in other areas of their life too—especially when it comes to school.

“There’s a definite benefit to routine,” she says. “It brings a level of comfort, it’s a predictable structure that the children understand and know how to follow, it gives a sense of mastery and accomplishment because they think ‘oh ok, I know what I have to do next, and when everything’s done I know what I have to do to be successful.’ It creates a climate that allows for other levels of development to happen. When you’re comfortable with a routine, it frees you up to do other things.”

Frank C. Worrell, PhD, distinguished professor of education at the Berkeley School of Education notes that routines help children in multiple ways, even beyond the comfort and stability they provide.

“Research studies have shown that routines help with the development of self-regulation, healthy sleeping patterns, academic achievement, and general psychosocial adjustment,” he says. “Routines are also associated with fewer behavioral and social-emotional concerns, and may be particularly important in the context of family dysfunction and poverty, or circumstances where youth are at-risk for poor developmental outcomes.”

Dr. Worrell notes that routines can in fact serve different purposes and meet different needs throughout our lives, from infancy to childhood and beyond.

“Infants need a world that is responsive to their needs (e.g., being fed and changed when necessary) to develop a sense of trust,” he says.  “And for adolescents, routines and structures help them maintain control. Indeed, self-control in adulthood is developed in part due to control by others in childhood.”

Routines, Rituals, and Schedules

Before understanding how to create the perfect routine to help your family thrive, it’s important to remember what a routine is, and also what a routine is not. Primarily, a routine is not a schedule that says what time you need to be in a certain place doing a certain thing.

While schedules can be inherently helpful in navigating the minutiae of day-to-day life for children and adults alike (like what exact time a child needs to be in math class, or what time an adult needs to be at a dentist appointment), routines provide familiarity and rhythm to daily activities and can be consistent or flexible across seasons of life.

Dr. Racioppa says it can be helpful to think of a routine as a “sequence of behaviors that are regularly followed with an activity.” For example, a bedtime routine for a toddler might have four parts: brushing their teeth, putting on pajamas, reading a book, and singing a goodnight lullaby.

The key takeaway? Unlike a schedule that relies on fixed start and end times, the elements of this routine could start at any time, and might occasionally take more or less time to accomplish depending on the night. However, regardless of the time the routine begins, or where the routine is carried out (at the child’s house or at a grandparent’s house for instance) the steps remain the same.

Annemarie Hindman, PhD, is a professor of Early Childhood Education & Educational Psychology at Temple University. She has spent years researching early childhood and has seen firsthand the benefits routines and rituals can have, especially within the classroom and family settings. In her eyes, routines are more than just a way to create order during a time of transition.

“I think we often think of routines as being a way to facilitate getting through the day, which is true,” she says. “But there are some that can communicate the togetherness of the family even when the child is somewhere else.”

Dr. Hindman notes that the popular children's book The Kissing Hand offers a classic example of overcoming school-day anxieties by means of a simple family ritual. In the story, a mother raccoon kisses her little raccoon’s hand each night before they go to school to help ease his fears.

Routines Help with Back-to-School Stress

Dr. Hindman shares that a variety of studies within the past decade have also looked at the effects of stress and conflict on the cortisol levels of children, especially as it applies to morning routines and the school experience.

These studies showed the negative impact that stress and conflict can have on school-aged children–especially when it led to a spike in their cortisol levels–something Dr. Hindman notes can be ameliorated by implementing structures like morning routines into a family’s everyday life. Routines can help smooth transition periods like going to or returning from school, and without stress and conflict, children are better able to regulate themselves as they move through the day.

“There’s a lot of value in helping kids start the morning in a calm and regulated way because it pays dividends later in the day,” Dr. Hindman says. She further highlights that if children don’t have to navigate the biological complexities of regulating cortisol spikes, they can put that energy to better uses like handling the ups and downs of the school day.

Dr. Hindman notes that in addition to a calming morning routine, children can also benefit from an after-school routine that will help them transition back to the family environment. This type of routine could include leaving school items and coats by the door, having a snack, unwinding for a brief time, and then starting homework before the family has dinner, but the options are endless and every child may benefit from something slightly different to help them leave the stress of the school day behind.

Consistency Is Key

It’s important to remember that consistency is key for routines, so one of the best things parents can do to pave the way for success is to ensure the framework is in place from day one, and that the entire family understands what’s expected of them because consistent repetition is what makes a routine a routine.

“If parents want to start a new routine, or make a change to a current routine, then it needs to be repeated over time in a reliable manner,” shares Rachel Razza, PhD, department chair and associate professor with the Falk College of Sport and Human Dynamics at Syracuse University.

Especially at the beginning of a new routine (i.e. a morning routine that helps everyone get out the door on time with everything they need for their day), parents may experience some initial pushback, or have a day or two where things don’t go quite as planned. If that’s the case, remember that routines are there to work for and to help everyone (not just the adults), so feel free to tweak the steps as needed until you find the perfect fit. 

Another tool parents can reach for? Rewards. Dr. Hindman notes that if you find rewards work for your family, there’s no shame in relying on a “carrot” approach when implementing new routines with your children (like a sticker chart to track progress).

“Rewards systems have a very long history of success in many parts of behavioral psychology, so they can be fantastic, as long as they’re used well and the rewards are appropriate,” she says. In other words, feel free to go all in with the m&m’s, stickers and other incentives to encourage younger kiddos to stick to the routine!

If You Deviate, Explain Why

Between sick days, travel, school breaks, and holidays, there are some times that your daily routine might fall by the wayside, and that’s ok. In fact, the lack of routine might actually be a bigger hurdle for parents than for their children.

“Interruptions are part of life and allowing some flexibility in routines can also be an opportunity for children to practice skills related to flexibility and unexpected situations,” Dr. Razza says.

“For most children, deviating from routines for a day or two due to things like illness, travel, or school holidays does not pose an issue,” she notes. “The challenge is oftentimes more for the parent in terms of confronting any issues that arise during this time or during the transition period back to the typical routine.”

Another way routines get derailed? Burnout and lack of motivation from parents themselves as they make the transition back to the routine after a break.

“Parents and caregivers should also be aware that these special situations may lead to an increased period of struggle as children get back into the routine [...],” Dr. Razza says. “Consistency is particularly important during that time.”

Dr. Worrell notes that if a family has to deviate from their normal routines at any time, it’s important to explain the reason for the change to children so they understand that these circumstances are outside of the norm for the family.

“The goal of routines is to provide a sense that the world is a predictable and understandable place, which fosters a sense of agency and self-control,” he says. “Thus, routines matter, although there are times when one has no choice but to step outside of the typical routine (e.g., when traveling). It’s less about being rigid—this happens at 4 pm every day—than about being consistent [...]”

If the change in routine is something that parents can anticipate, like a family vacation or visiting relatives for a holiday, Dr. Worrell notes that preparing young children ahead of time will be helpful, as well as explaining it to them again as the shift in routines is actually occurring.

For Infants and Toddlers, Consider the Senses

Dr. Racioppa notes that when it comes to routines for our youngest family members, it’s important to remember that infants and toddlers experience the world primarily with their senses.

“Music, smell, and touch are the parts of the routine that bring them comfort,” she says. “It’s not so much about what time it’s happening, it’s the sensory aspect of it.”

Including these sensory experiences throughout your baby’s routines can be a wonderful way to bond, whether you incorporate infant massage into your wakeup routine, or sing a lullaby at the bedtime routine, there are endless ways to meet your baby where they are developmentally and create a sense of comfort and predictability through the repetition of these experiences.

Keep It Simple for the Pre-K Crowd

As children’s cognitive ability increases the way they understand routines will change too. With this age group, you can generally start chatting about the back-to-school routine with them a couple of days in advance, but try not to push it too far since time is still a fairly abstract concept at this age.

“Preschoolers are going to be very concrete about their thinking, meaning what they see is what they expect,” Dr. Racioppa says, suggesting parents use very simple instructions and one-word cues when constructing routines for preschool children.

“If you give them a long explanation, you've lost them after the first three words. When you give them directions it should be ‘Bedtime! Pajamas, brush teeth, story!’”

Picture cues, songs, and rhymes (remember the clean-up song we sang as children?) can be very effective with this age group, so brush up on your Raffi or get inspired by Ms. Rachel and you’ll be on your way!

For Elementary School, Think Literally and Plan Ahead

Once children have entered the school-age years, it’s time to get literal when you’re discussing routines, says Dr. Racioppa. And as children get older and have a firmer grasp on concepts like time, you can begin setting the groundwork for transitioning from summer vacation to school up to a week ahead. This is a good time to allow kids to set their own alarms and pack their own bags, for example.

“They’re very literal and they really do enjoy structure and routine, and a lot of them get that through school,” she notes.

“They still need reminders, still can benefit from certain cues, and one thing I always tell parents, is one way to make your morning less stressful [...]  is to do things in the evening. Whether it's to prepare their backpack, make lunch, lay out your clothes, the more that can be done in the evening, the less that has to be done in the morning.”

Let Teens Take More Control

As children begin heading toward adulthood, strong routines can begin turning into healthy habits. At this stage, parents are often able to release some responsibility, but Dr. Racioppa notes it’s often helpful to maintain some structure even through the high school years.

“They still need guidelines and reminders but they should have some flexibility to determine what works best for them,” she says. “At this point, routines should hopefully be more of a habit, with their own twist on it.”

A key step in co-creating a successful routine with our teens can be as simple as asking them what they feel they need to be successful—and not assuming that we know best. Make suggestions, like asking teens about setting alarms and eating breakfast, but ultimately let them decide what works.

Even within families, Dr. Racioppa notes that individuals will likely gravitate towards what works best for them personally, sharing that one of her teenage children preferred to tackle homework immediately after school, while her other teen preferred to wait until later in the evening. Both were successful academically, but each needed different conditions to focus and concentrate.

Practice Makes Perfect

While it would be wonderful to have a blueprint for the perfect back-to-school routine with just the click of a button, for many families, nailing down what works best for them takes some trial and error.  

“You want your routines to be as smooth as possible, so you want to get them in place beforehand so that kids don’t have to expend self-regulation in the course of that routine,” she says.

With a little preparation, Dr. Hindman notes, the routine will come naturally, and that’s something parents can always help with.

In the end, if you feel yourself still scrambling to remember soccer cleats, violas, and forgotten lunch bags, Dr. Hindman reminds us that even the experts occasionally need to adjust their morning routines.

“We’re not morning people! I have really focused on trying to not make things that stressful… but have I planned ahead to make sure my daughter gets up early enough? No!” she says with a laugh. “We tried picking things out the night before, and it doesn’t work [for us]. Mornings are really hard!”

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