Dad gets major flack over Reddit post about demands for nanny on family vacation
When you take your nanny with you on vacation, that gives you a pass to require them to work nearly 24 hours a day with virtually no time off, right? That’s what one new dad believed, at least before taking his dilemma to Reddit’s “AITA” forum, where he asked if he was the a–h— for “not letting our nanny leave for a date during our vacation.”
In his post, he explained that he and his wife welcomed their first child recently, and described it as “quite an intense few months.” As his wife has been on “extended maternity leave,” they’ve also hired a nanny to “assist us with the baby as well as keep the house in order.” But with their anniversary coming up, Dad wanted to plan some alone time for him and his wife, sans baby. His first idea was a weeklong trip, leaving the baby at home with his wife’s mother and the nanny, but Mom understandably said no to leaving her newborn for a week. So dad proposed bringing the baby — and the nanny — on the trip.
“I asked the nanny if she’d be willing to come along with us on our trip and take care of the baby – stressing that this was supposed to be our couple vacation so most of the childcare will be hers and more than usual,” he wrote. “She jumped at the idea and so I also arranged her ticket and accommodation (to be clear she was also paid extra for the ‘overtime’).”
He continued, “The trip was a week long and our arrangement was going quite well at first. My wife was relaxed, we reconnected and our son was close by for whenever we missed him. We would take our son and give her a break either in the mornings or afternoons.”
Until the last day of the trip, that is.
“On our last day she asked if we could take the night shift as she’d met someone who’d asked her on a date. Besides that going against our arrangement (the point was to give us a break from the sleepless nights), I’d already paid and planned an intimate date on the beach with my wife for our last night. It became a bit of an issue with her trying to guilt my wife and saying we were being unfair but by the end of it, we didn’t give in and she looked after the kid. Upon returning my wife heard her on the phone saying that she was thinking of quitting over all of this and that we were blocking her future so here we are,” the dad wrote. “Wife thinks we made a mistake, I don’t disagree that it might’ve been assholish but ultimately it was our arrangement and she was paid extra for it. Are we the a–h—-?”
In later edits to the post, he clarified some important details: When he and his wife took the baby, it was typically for about five hours at a time, and they sometimes did so in the morning, and sometimes in the afternoon, depending on their plans. That meant the poor nanny was essentially on call for 24 hours a day, with only an unpredictable five-hour break each day. The dad noted that he paid her double her usual rate, so instead of being paid for eight hours of work, she was paid for 16. For those of us doing the math, yes, she was only paid for 16 hours of work when she really worked closer to 20 hours a day (and she legally should have been paid for all 24 hours she was on call). And this was for all seven days of the trip — she didn’t get any days off during that period.
So while I think we can all agree that yes, this dad is the a**hole, the commenters on the post said it well.
“YTA (you’re the a–h–),” one commenter wrote. “It may be hard for you to see from your ivory tower and prison of entitlement and delusion, but your nanny is a human being too. She is not your slave. Why did you even bring the baby?”
Another added, “He could have at least had his MIL come along too to give the nanny long breaks or split the time with since they had no intention of really spending much time with the baby they were so afraid they’d miss.”
One of the highest-rated comments reads, “You worked her 7 days with a few hours off here and there. That’s a servant, not an employee. YTA. She would be smart to find a better employer.”
Another points out, “Don’t care how much extra you paid. You told her more childcare. A few hours off a day is not more childcare. That’s abuse. She had a right to ask for a night off. Nanny or not to expect someone to pretty much take over 24/7 when they are not the parent is insane. She is a nanny and has no kids. You needed a break even with a nanny, but yet expected her to handle it all.”
One commenter said what we’re pretty much all thinking: “What’s doing it for me, is the fact that he booked a week-long vacation and left their nanny to watch the kid for basically the entire week with only a few hours off each day. Buddy is only bonding with his kid a few hours each day.”
“But they are just so exhausted from all the child care they are having the nanny do!” another wrote, to which someone replied, “And all the house work the nanny does apparently. I’m trying to figure out why they are so exhausted. Maybe they like to micromanage??”
Hopefully, this is a wake-up call for this dad — before his nanny (rightfully) quits.
