Craig Melvin's Key to Great Parenting Involves 2 Simple Words

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FOR CRAIG MELVIN, being a dad is all about Moments.

Like the time his son Delano first tied his shoe. "I remember looking down at him in our mudroom in our old house and and I remember thinking, Oh my God, he's doing it."Melvin says. "I wanted to capture that."

And so the co-host of NBC's Today decided he was going to capture some of these Moments. With illustrator Sawyer Cloud, Melvin created I'm So Proud, a children's book that is part motivational speech and part a collection of Moments.

There's Delano on a diving board, mustering up the strength and courage to make the leap with other people watching. There's Delano at the beach with his younger sister Sybil, working together to construct a sand castle. There's the whole family in bed, a storybook face down on the covers, kids sleeping with smiles on their faces.

Though Melvin will also admit to ulterior motives.

"I would also tell you, I've heard from friends of mine who have older children, that there's going to come a point where our children may stop talking to us. Or when they do talk to us, they grunt," he says. "I wanted to be able to say to them, many years from now, Listen here, you little snap, you know how much I care about you see this? You see page five? I needed proof."

And while Moments are big, Melvin also says that what's between the moments—the nitty gritty of parenting—takes time, effort, and so much patience.

Men's Health: Why a children's book specifically geared towards fathers?

Craig Melvin: When was the last time you saw a children's book that was specifically geared toward fathers?

I want to be very careful here because my mother watches and reads everything. I love my mother. Every child loves their mother. That's a bond that is unique and special, and has been celebrated since the beginning of time.

I would maintain that dads—they're pretty special, too. A few years ago, I started a series at [NBC's Today] called "Dad's Got This"where we highlight extraordinary fathers or ordinary dads doing extraordinary things. A part of it was driven by me seeing a void of sorts.

I mean, think about even in 2024, modern fatherhood is commonly associated with Homer Simpson or Peter Griffin. The reality is you've got a lot of dads out there who are who are single fathers, you've got dads working two jobs, you've got dads who have overcome generational curses, whether that be addiction or abuse.

And so I wanted to write a love letter to those dads and to celebrate those dads, but not just the dads. It's a book that celebrates children and parenthood at large.

MH: Why a children's book specifically about being proud?

CM: You know, we tell we tell our children all the time, "I love you."

"I love you" is important and we want them to know, obviously, that they mean so much to us. But "I'm proud of you" is a phrase that I didn't hear a lot growing up. And I wanted both of my children to know. And not just that I'm proud of them. Here's why I'm proud.

MH: How do you help parent the difference between pride and arrogance?

CM: We spend a lot of time talking about humility and empathy and our house. We go out of our way to point out when we think our children have done something or said something that could be seen as arrogant. Are you bragging? Is that a brag? You bragging? Sounds like a brag? We brag shame.

Like if one of [the kids] does something or says something that could even be construed as braggartly, we call it out immediately. And usually, the other child will point it out. They're like, Oh, yeah, she's bragging.

I guarantee you some psychologists would read this and say this is not the way to teach. But you know what, this is our way. This is how we're doing it.

MH: There's a real sense of presence and mindfulness about I'm Proud of You. Do you feel like you're generally a present and mindful person?

CM: Years ago, Carson Daly, a dear friend and a colleague, told me something.

Carson has four kids, and they're a little older than mine. We were talking about fatherhood. At that point I was traveling a lot more than I travel now. And I was lamenting this real struggle I was having at the time: not being able to be there.

Carson's got three jobs, and always has. And he said something to me, that's always stayed with me. He said, "Quality, over quantity." He said that you've got to accept the fact that you're not going to be at every recital, you're not going to be at every soccer game. But when you are there, you're present.

Every year, twice a year, my wife and I take special vacations that the kids will remember. We just got back from spring break, where we went to Universal theme park. I hate theme parks. I hate water parks. Every day, we got up at like 7:30, got breakfast, went to the theme park came back at night. We didn't leave the park until it was closed every day. And we got up and did it again.

I spent eight hours at Volcano Bay in Orlando, Florida. But there were several times I would look at my kids and the smiles on their faces. And I said to my wife several times, "Memories being made." Which is code for: We gotta suck this up and endure memories being made.

MH: How has your approach to mental health changed since becoming a father?

CM: I do two things, primarily. I use the app called Headspace. Every other morning, in my dressing room, before the show, just to clear my head. And I journal to get everything out of my head and out of my heart on the other day. I toggle between the two. And it's given me a sense of peace.

Parenting is stressful because you want to make sure you're doing it right. It's one thing when you're making bad choices and it's just you, or you and maybe your spouse. But then, all of a sudden with kids, you're making choices that affect them in the short term, but potentially long term as well.

So prioritizing my mental health has been more of a priority for me. During the early stages of the pandemic, several years ago, I was doing my cable show from home. And so every day, it was that doom and destruction. I was just living in it every day. I started seeing a therapist on a more frequent basis.

Now I don't see my therapist every week anymore. But I have a regular appointment with a guy that just there to help. It just helps me realize that I'm not alone. I think that's one of the great things that's happening happened in this country over the past few years. When you start talking to other people about mental health. You realize, we're all going through something.

MH: What have you tried to teach your kids about taking care of their mental health?

CM: Encouraging them to talk. Some of the same tricks and tools that I've picked up over the years as a journalist, I use them on my children a lot. I ask a lot of open-ended questions. Sometimes they'll say something and I'll respond deliberately with "Oh, really?" It forces them to either further explain what they were saying, or say something else altogether. Or I'll say, "I don't really understand that. Can you tell me more?"

I don't fear silence. I found in interviews and with my own children, it's in those pregnant pauses, where you get the good stuff.

My wife and I also decided early on, that when we're not traveling, we all have dinner together and sit at that table. And we go around and it's not always just "Hey, what did you do today?" No, no, we dig into it. Some nights I've had to answer uncomfortable questions. My son is 10 years old. He watches the news. He's naturally curious. We've talked about Ukraine, about the Allied and Axis Powers, about 9/11.

MH: What have your kids taught you about taking care of your mental health?

CM: Being patient. I'm actually and impatient person. But it's hard to be impatient when you're a parent every day. It is a test of patience.

Another, I would say, is that the older they get, the more cognizant I am a being on [my phone] when I'm in front of them. Not to go down this Luddite rabbit hole, but I do think that many generations from now, when the book is written on the death of democracy and modern society, there'll be several chapters devoted to to the omnipresence of smartphones, and the Internet.

A lot of times, when I've been at my most anxious, or just worrying, and I can't really pinpoint why—I've been on [my phone] I've been dooming-scrolling, I've been responding to emails or texts.

My wife and I both going out of our way, to not be on these as much when they are when they're around. It's helped me.

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.

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