If You Constantly Check Your Fave Celeb's IG, You May Be In A Parasocial Relationship
It starts with watching a relatable character on a TV show or scrolling across an interesting post on social media. Whatever the reason, this person catches your attention. As you watch more episodes and follow their content, you just know that you would be friends. That feeling grows stronger and soon you're thinking about them even when you're not watching them. You know they have no clue you exist, but you still feel a connection to them. You're in a parasocial relationship—an imaginary, one-sided relationship that someone forms with a public figure who they don't know personally.
A para-whatta relationship? Even though you've been in a willing, and likely enthusiastic, participant in one, unless you're a psychologist, odds are you've never even heard the term before—well, that is, until now.
The most common parasocial relationships are with a beloved celebrity, favorite athlete, or media figure. "You form parasocial relationships because you feel connected or attached to someone, and you may look up to that person or idealize them in some way," says Sally Theran, PhD, associate professor in the Psychology Department at Wellesley College.
In the 1950s, Donald Horton and R. Richard Wohl coined the term "parasocial relationship" after they noticed a developing dynamic between audiences and performers in the new mass media—radio, television, movies, news programs. People were becoming involved in the lives of these performers whether they were playing themselves or fictional roles, acting like they were in a typical social relationship with them, and feeling as if they were friends.
Now, Americans are forming parasocial relationships as a response to what some have coined an "Epidemic of Loneliness." Prolonged periods of isolation and social distancing due to the COVID-19 pandemic have proven to have a damaging effect on mental health. When gatherings and in-person relationships suddenly became unavailable, the only connection many people had to others (outside of their designated Covid bubble) was through screens.
"When people were so isolated and socially distant, they really looked to fill the interpersonal and relational void with somebody who they could connect with," affirms Theran. Add to that the explosion of social media use in recent years, and it's no surprise that it's become much easier—and arguably normal—to form parasocial relationships.
With an unlimited stream of access to celebrities, influencers, and other public figures, the opportunities for people to engage in parasocial relationships that feel akin to real-life relationships are seemingly endless. And the need–and desire–for any kind of relationship, even virtual and one-sided, has never been greater.
How do you know if you're in a parasocial relationship?
If there's a celebrity or influencer who you think about and even digitally interact with on a pretty consistent basis, you may have a parasocial relationship with them. "It's more than 'Oh, I look up to that person,' you're pretty invested in them," says Theran. "You follow articles about them, you read interviews with them, you have imaginary conversations with them."
Another sign you might be in a parasocial relationship? You're heavily invested in figuring out all the easter eggs in your favorite celeb's content:
What's an example of a parasocial relationship?
Let's say you love everything about Zendaya. You watch all of her movies and TV shows, read every article written about her, follow her on social media, and comment on every post. It feels like you really know her as a friend. So you start to think about her often and even have imaginary interactions. "Maybe you ask yourself, 'What would Zendaya say if she were my best friend? What advice would she give me right now?," says Theran, noting that's a typical scenario people in parasocial relationships play out in their heads.
Having imaginary conversations and writing letters—you don't necessarily have to send them, notes Theran—can be part of a parasocial relationship. You know the person isn't actually responding to you and doesn't know you exist, but that doesn't matter.
This is where social media complicates the parasocial relationship, because some people actually interact with their followers. With the potential for reciprocation, "you can forget that these are one-sided relationships," says Lindsay Henderson, PsyD, Director of Psychological Services at Amwell.
With social media, the line is blurred, and "people inevitably overstep their boundaries," Henderson adds. "That person doesn't owe you anything, and can't engage with everyone who tries to reach out."
Are parasocial relationships healthy?
Parasocial relationships can be healthy in the sense that this person inspires you, encourages you, and helps you feel connected to others. "Unlike people who you actually have relationships with in real life, this person is never going to be mean, unkind, or reject you," says Theran.
Especially for teenagers and young adults who are still trying to figure out who they are and their place in the world, parasocial relationships can be "a great way to connect to someone in a risk-free way," Theran adds. Having some kind of access to a person who inspires you is comforting and helpful in learning to develop and maintain social ties with one's peers.
Parasocial relationships are "subtle and common and harmless a lot of the time," says Henderson. "But if your feelings or emotions or thoughts about start to get disproportionate to the reality of the situation, that may be a sign to take a step back."
Can they ever be unhealthy?
There is potential for a parasocial relationship to become unhealthy, but it's not typical, says Theran. There’s such a range of ways people get involved in a celebrity's life. Of course, the ones that tend to make the headlines are the outliers, like a fan stalking Taylor Swift. But it's worth noting that obsession and stalking are beyond a parasocial relationship, according to Theran.
That said, today's celebrity-obsessed culture can lead to "over-identification," says Lindsay Henderson, PsyD, Director of Psychological Services at Amwell. Any type of idolization has its pitfalls, and when a fan elevates a celebrity or public figure to such high standards via a parasocial relationship, they develop a fantasy image of them.
It's all too easy to forget they are real humans, and when they mess up or something negative surfaces about them, "it is uncomfortably incongruent with the fantasy image we prefer to hold of their lives," Henderson says. "Their failings can sometimes be more troubling to us than those of the people in our lives that we actually know and have relationships with."
It's important to remember that celebrities are "projecting an image and trying to make themselves as appealing as possible," says Theran. Perhaps unsurprisingly, that allows those in parasocial relationships to create "unrealistic expectations" of their celebrity, says Henderson, which is unhealthy in any relationship. If you feel yourself wading into that too-pristine pool, recognize that "you only see a part of their lives—especially with social media—not their whole self as just another person," cautions Henderson.
Are parasocial relationships romantic?
Not necessarily. A parasocial relationships is a form of fantasy, so that fantasy can definitely be romantic. But "there's such a range of having a crush on someone," Theran says. "You can have a platonic crush and look up to them, or you could want to be with them and imagine your interactions becoming more romantic. I think of it on a continuum."
Do parasocial relationships cause depression?
Theran says it's very unlikely. "As social scientists and psychologists, we never want to say absolutely not," she notes. "But there's no evidence that there's any causal linkage between parasocial relationships and depression."
If you have pre-existing depression, you might be more susceptible to an unhealthy parasocial relationship. But there's no evidence of cause or effect between the two.
Can you have a parasocial relationship with a fictional character?
Definitely. "I think of Hermione in particular for young girls," says Theran. "She's awesome and triumphs over people who undervalue her, and is a strong and competent role model for girls."
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