Comic Relief: Red Nose Day 2022 - being funny for money never looked so bleak

As one Twitter wag noted, it was a night to turn on the TV and spare a thought for those less funny than ourselves. Welcome to Comic Relief (BBC One and BBC Two): probably not worth watching, definitely worth donating.

The red-nosed charity appeal has switched from biennial to annual yet there was no risk of overkill. Given the ongoing pandemic, wars in Ukraine, Afghanistan and Syria, and other humanitarian disasters unfolding worldwide, there was plenty to raise funds for. Sure, this wasn’t the most amusing night in Comic Relief’s 37-year history. However, it was one of the most desperately needed.

The comedy highlights came from a pair of double acts. Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders paid a delightful tongue-in-cheek visit to The Repair Shop. The duo shuffled into Jay Blades’ barn in the guise of fame-hungry old dears The Extras, wanting their decidedly non-antique toaster fixed. It sent up the hit series’ penchant for sob stories perfectly. No less than Dame Judi Dench joined for a twinkly eyed cameo, swooning over Blades and not giving a fig about her broken childhood doll.

David Walliams and Matt Lucas also reunited, not to revive Little Britain - far too “problematic” nowadays - but Rock Profile, the pair’s previous cult series of spoof pop star interviews. They gleefully raided the dressing-up box to portray the likes of Billie Eilish, Lewis Capaldi, Lady Gaga and Post Malone. Lucas proved the scene-stealer, whether it was baring flesh as Miley Cyrus or playing Adele as a shouty Cockney fishwife. Vernon Kay excelled in the straight-faced inquisitor role originally filled by Jamie Theakston.

Strictly champions Rose Ayling-Ellis and Giovanni Pernice reprised their near-perfect 39-point waltz from December’s semi-final. This time around, there was no Craig Revel Horwood to find fault with their footwork. Fab-ew-lous! Comic Opera followed five famous females - none of whom knew their arias from their elbow - taking a 24-hour crash course before performing live at London Coliseum. As the quavering quintet belted out Carmen classics, Call the Midwife’s Helen George was the standout. The 2000-strong audience popped on red noses and gave them a rousing standing ovation. Well deserved, trainee divas.

This handful of high points aside, laughs across the stamina-sapping four-and-a-half hour epic were few and far between. Clip compilations from Comic Relief history only served to underline this year’s paucity of memorable moments. Even a sketch from beloved soccer-com Ted Lasso fell as flat as a deflated football.

Stephen Fry read a CBeebies Bedtime Story for adults. The one-note skit confused swearing with wit. Self-defeatingly, the pearl-clutching corporation prissily bleeped out the profanities, despite it airing at 11pm. You can’t have it both ways, BBC. Jack Whitehall’s mini-golf tournament with footballers Mason Mount and Declan Rice was warmly jovial but somewhat spoiled by the England internationals creasing up with mirth at everything Whitehall said. Calm down, lads, you’ll pull a groin muscle.

Fantastic Beasts thesps Jude Law and Eddie Redmayne surprised children at The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. “I was well excited,” said one schoolgirl, sounding anything but. An awkward technical blunder just 20 minutes into the show saw the next act, spoof psychic “The Mind Mangler” from Magic Goes Wrong, arrive on-stage with audio from the wizardry segment still playing. At least the glitch proved this was broadcast live.

A mini-edition of QI was saved only by Jo Brand’s anecdote about being insulted by Boyzone. The cast of cod-Shakespearean musical & Juliet performed a medley which merely succeeded in reminding me never to sit through the full show. The night’s other musical turns were George Ezra (scheduled so late that his fanbase would be safely tucked up in bed) and Lola Young, known solely for soundtracking last year’s John Lewis Christmas advert. Never knowingly undersold, except on the fame factor.

The spectre of Covid stubbornly refused to recede, with presenters Zoe Ball and Joel Dommett both forced to pull out after testing positive. Australian popstrel Kylie Minogue was similarly unable to take part in a planned sketch with the cast of haunted house sitcom Ghosts. She should be so unlucky.

Hosting duties were fulfilled by a tag-team of Sir Lenny Henry (the charity’s co-founder, palpably proud), David Tennant (impishly charismatic and impassioned), Alesha Dixon (complete with winning cackle), Vernon Kay (him again), AJ Odudu (sealing her rising star status) and Paddy McGuinness (amusingly saucy). Broadcast live from Salford’s MediaCityUK for the first time, the raucous studio audience - who McGuinness joked were all his relatives - lent an infectious atmosphere to proceedings.

Frivolity, as always, was punctuated by tear-jerking VTs showcasing the impact of viewers’ donations. There’s been a backlash in recent years over celebrities visiting Africa on a sort of poverty safari, perpetuating the “white saviour” narrative. Such films were notable by their absence.

These occasions are the very definition of hit-and-miss. Harsh as it might sound on a charitable night, this one was more miss than hit. The comedy was patchy, the VIP bookings underwhelmed (Chesney Hawkes and Lulu, indeed). But enough party pooping. Last year’s festivities raised £55m for worthy causes. As the credits rolled, the totaliser stood at £43m and looked set to surpass it. Some things are weightier than light entertainment.

You can donate at https://www.comicrelief.com/rednoseday