Come On, We All Know Exactly What George Santos Is Going to Do Now

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With George Santos’ expulsion from Congress on Friday, The George Santos Show is sadly coming to an end—or is it just getting started? Now that the Republican politician is out of office, he’ll have some time on his hands (he’s not due in court until, what, next fall?), and more than a few people are wondering whether—if not outright hoping that—Santos will make a pivot to what probably should have been his true calling all along: a career in reality television. While headlining his own show would be an appealing proposition, our little drama king would also fit right in on any number of already existing reality franchises. Let’s go through the possibilities, from least to most likely.

Odds: 100 to 1

There is literally no chance George Santos would willingly ship himself off to, like, Vanuatu for six weeks. This is a man from Long Island who was laundering money with a pet-adoption charity. He has a relentless appetite for petty scams, yes, but at the end of the day, he’s as soft as Charmin toilet paper. If Santos ever does end up banished to the wilderness, it will be because he has been extradited to Brazil.

Odds: 99 to 1

The odds are long here for the same reason the Survivor odds are. However, I do think there’s a small chance Santos would not be opposed to the idea of being completely nude on camera.

Odds: 25 to 1

The Real Housewives franchise has never before welcomed a male housewife, but maybe Bravo would make an exception to land a white whale like Santos. The New York chapter recently got an overhaul, hiring an all-new cast for Season 14, but some say the new gals were lacking a certain je ne sais quoi. Could Santos be the missing piece? It’s hard to imagine him getting along with Jenna Lyons, but we already know he’s great at bitchy sound bites.

Odds: 20 to 1

Honestly, Santos is enough of a diva that I don’t think there’s any way he’d subject himself to the allegedly Orwellian living conditions—conditions that could potentially result in Netflix’s getting sued—of the Squid Game facsimile. That’s a shame because there’s a chance Santos would actually assert himself well in this environment. I mean, he knows how to jostle for power in a room full of 400 other sociopaths. He was in Congress!

Odds: 20 to 1

Look, I’d love to see it. Fox’s World’s Toughest Test essentially asks a bunch of pop-culture flunkies to participate in dramatized special forces training, which is red meat for the sort of aggrieved MAGA types who originally propelled Santos to Capitol Hill. (Case in point: Anthony Scaramucci was on the series’ first season.) Unfortunately, World’s Toughest Test allows its contestants to leave the show at any moment, with no ramifications whatsoever. Santos wouldn’t last one hour.

Odds: 18 to 1

The Circle is one of the most antisocial programs ever conceived, wherein participants sit in separate apartments and communicate with one another via a fake “social network” known as “the Circle,” with the object of becoming its most popular user. There’s ample opportunity for the kind of lying and assuming of false identities that we know Santos so excels at, meaning he has the potential to be a great player … or a terrible one. Fellow contestants tend to get suspicious when the lies seem too extravagant (such as the Season 2 player who claimed to be Lance Bass … even though she turned out to be Bass’ assistant), and unfortunately, Santos has never been great at reining it in. And alas, an only-sorta-well-known Netflix show just doesn’t seem flashy enough for his tastes.

Odds: 15 to 1

It remains unclear whether or not Santos has ever performed in drag. The scale of his mistruths are so vast and complex—a mythology all to itself—that finding clarity on anything is nearly impossible. However, if Santos does ever come clean about his drag experience, and if he does the significant work of repairing his reputation after hitting rock bottom, I actually can imagine him making a cameo appearance as a guest judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race. The queer community is remarkably forgiving, and if Santos is allowed to weigh in on the art of vogueing, perhaps the world will finally perceive his authentic self.

Odds: 15 to 1

Santos is neither single nor Jewish, but that’s never stopped him before. One of the former congressman’s biggest scandals was the result of claiming that his grandparents fled the Holocaust. He later backpedaled, famously saying that he had only ever professed to be “Jew-ish,” but as of a month ago, he still hasn’t dropped the Jewish thing fully. As for his husband, who appeared one day out of thin air when Santos was eulogizing Sen. Dianne Feinstein, he seems liable to disappear just as quickly. It would be dumb of Santos to go on a dating show specifically focused on his Jewish heritage, but again: That’s never stopped him before.

Odds: 12 to 1

As hilarious as it would be for the Oppenheim twins to introduce Santos as their newest realtor—and to be fair, they have been known to hire for potential rather than experience—it’s far more likely that Santos would make a cameo on the Netflix show as a house-hunting buyer. Stars like Simu Liu and Saweetie have dropped by in this capacity in previous seasons: It’s a quick way to get a little positive attention without answering any questions, and it would also be a chance to rub elbows with the stars of the show, which could be appealing to Santos if he happens to be a Chrishell fan (which, who isn’t)? But then again, Santos may not want to be perceived as making extravagant purchases, given his history. Then again once more, though, he has already indicated that he could not care less what all of you think. See you in escrow!

Odds: 10 to 1

God, I hope so. Imagine being privy to even more displays of Santos’ vocal talent. And can you imagine him giving hints about his identity that are the sort of ridiculously ill-conceived lies that only George Santos himself could come up with? Can you imagine what his mask would look like? The Masked Singer has been one of the most anemic fixtures on television, replete with never-beens like David Archuleta and Chris Daughtry. It is in desperate need of some juice, and I know the best man for the job.

Odds: 5 to 1

House of Villains is one of those high-concept reality TV supergroup experiments where E! takes a number of culturally designated basic-cable “villains” (like Omarosa from The Apprentice or Tiffany Pollard from the golden era of VH1) and shoves them together in the same room with a camera rolling. Santos obviously fits the bill perfectly, but I fear that his influence might be too powerful. We don’t want a scenario where Jax from Vanderpump Rules is suddenly inspired to run for the Senate, right?

Odds: 5 to 1

I need this to happen. It’s the perfect match. Love Is Blind is, quite literally, a reality show built around the sort of catfish-scented scamming that Santos is the master of. Two single people, kept apart in separate rooms, get to know each other by the sound of their voices alone. They can only lay eyes on each other after they get engaged, an ill-designed test of the concept of romantic soul mates that often condemns both parties to a rhapsodically cursed marriage. Can you imagine the towering lies Santos could tell in this environment, where there are no ethical or legal firewalls—like, you know, the government of the United States—holding him back? When he doesn’t even have to put a face to his claims? Lord have mercy.

Odds: 4 to 1

A WWHL bartender would be the perfect way for Santos to dip his toe into the reality universe. The bartender role is kind of Andy Cohen’s version of the Make-a-Wish Foundation, in that people chosen get to be on the show, but they’re not really on the show; the bartender stands in the corner, occasionally waves to the audience, and basically playacts being a bartender without actually having to appear in the hot seat. Could be a great way to butter Santos up before getting to some bigger asks. (See: Real Housewives of New York.)

Odds: 3 to 1

This is a strong possibility. Dancing With the Stars has a documented history of allowing disgraced public figures a shot at rehabilitating their images, with past contestants including the likes of Sean Spicer, Paula Deen, and Tom DeLay. It would be a canny move for Santos to go on the show—which is maybe the strongest predictor that it won’t happen. The reason famous people like to go on Dancing With the Stars is that it lets them show themselves off in a positive light without really getting into the drama that got them in need of image rehab in the first place. But the thing about our boy is that he can’t resist the drama—the only way up for him is down.

Odds: 2 to 1

If Trump wins the presidential election again, his fourth or fifth act in office will be to revive The Apprentice and to make Santos the new host. He’ll be sitting in the chair by 2025, after he finishes his brutal government takeover of NBC Universal. This is one of the safest bets on the board.

Odds: EVEN

I honestly think this one will happen. Not right away. Not during his multiple mounting criminal investigations. But once Santos is finished up with his prison sentence, he will absolutely appear on a season of Celebrity Big Brother—where he will ideally forge an unimpeachable friendship with fellow contestant Rod Blagojevich as they team up to defeat, I don’t know, a woman who came in third on a season of Flavor of Love. As long as Celebrity Big Brother is on the air, there will be a home for the wretched D-list convicts of pop culture. That, my friends, is what America is all about.