Christine Blasey Ford's Attempts to Make Everyone Comfortable Is a Burden Women Know Well

On Thursday morning, Christine Blasey Ford appeared before the Senate Judiciary Committee to recount an alleged assault that took place in 1982 by Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh. She was not compelled to be there legally, but rather, she was there—as she said—because it was her "civic duty to tell you what happened to me while Brett Kavanaugh and I were in high school."

Ford said she was assaulted as a teenager by Kavanaugh. She said he attempted to rip off her clothing, grinding his body against hers, and covered her mouth so she couldn't scream for help. She has now suffered from this event long into adulthood, she told the committee.

Her story is without question harrowing. It's one she should be able to tell with a no holds barred approach, considering the consequences. But, throughout her morning testimony, Ford did her best to ensure she remained quiet, demure, and as she noted, "collegial" to ensure everyone else was comfortable.

Everyone, but her.

"Does that work for you as well? I'm used to being collegial," Ford asked the committee about taking a break. That answer, as insignificant as it may sound, was all too raw and real for women around the world.

"What's breaking my heart right now is Ford's desperate and quite earnest desire to please," New York Times columnist Jennifer Senior wrote on Twitter.

"All of this is devastating," Anne Helen Peterson of Buzzfeed News added.

"I don't know what Ford is feeling right now, but I do know the specific sensation of smiling through something painful because you know staying friendly and non-threatening is crucial to being believed and taken seriously," Jezebel senior editor Katie McDonough said.

Many women are taught that we simply exist in this world to serve, to make others around us feel more comfortable, and to above all, smile more. Smile through pain, smile through anguish, smile even though you disagree, and smile while talking about our sexual assaults.

Every day, we as women minimize ourselves to make sure it's okay for us to exist in this world. Turn left or right, ask any woman near you today if they can relate to Ford remaining so cordial to someone questioning her character, she will undoubtedly say "yes." Ask if they haven't felt good enough to be in a room, despite her qualifications, she will say "yes."

"Note that Christine Blasey Ford still, in this context, felt the need to make a lighthearted joke to ease the palpable discomfort of the men around her. This is the burden of being a woman: at your most vulnerable, most traumatized, it is still your job to make men feel better," Twitter user Emma Holland shared on social media.

"Her gentle voice, earnestness, efforts to lighten, smiling. this is how we’re socialized to be. to prove we aren’t difficult, lying, deserving of pain. dr. christine Blasey Ford is all of us. what you’re watching is a portrait of how women must behave in every aspect of our lives," writer Talia Jane added.

Like many women, Ford—a woman who is a professor at Palo Alto University, received an undergraduate degree from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, masters from Pepperdine University and Standford, and a PhD. from the University of Southern California—did her best during her testimony to be agreeable despite the fact that she didn't need to be there. She never had to say anything. She asked to remain anonymous, but against her will, was revealed to the world as the woman accusing Kavanaugh of assault. All she wanted to do was warn the President of the United States that one of his judicial choices may not be the best fit for our nation.

Her apologetic nature was quite different from that of Kavanaugh, who testified immediately after Ford, never once stopping to make the committee feel comfortable, as Ford had. Never once joking to ease discomfort, as Ford had. (Kavanaugh has catagorically denied Ford's claims and called the allegations against him an effort to "destroy my good name.")

That's the double standard of gender bias at play. While Ford took care not to inconvenience those around her, Kavanaugh showed up raw, incensed and not too much concerned with interrupting or making the committee uncomfortable. And the committee, for the most part, allowed it.

Their difference in behavior may also come down to how men and women are conditioned so differently into what constitutes right and wrong. In a 2010 study published in the journal Psychological Science, researchers examined how often men apologized for misgivings than women. They found that men aren't actively trying to avoid an apology, it's just they think they do wrong less often.

"It seems to be that when they think they've done something wrong they do apologize just as frequently as when women think they've done something wrong," study researcher Karina Schumann noted to LiveScience. "It's just that they think they've done fewer things wrong.” Schumann further speculated that women are more apt to apologize or ask "is that ok" like Ford did because they are more concerned with the emotional experiences of others around them.

And Ford understood all of that. She understood that, in order for her testimony to be heard by the men of the committee, she'd have to serve it with a smile and an apology. The irony of that—considering Ford is not up for the job of Supreme Court justice, but is still apologizing in front of America—is stunning.

As Democratic Senator Dianne Feinstein reminded the committee, “This is not a trial for Dr. Ford. It’s a job interview for Judge Kavanaugh.”

It seems our expectations about who should be accommodating are misplaced.

Stacey Leasca is a journalist from Rhode Island. You can follow her on Instagram and Twitter @sleasca.

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