Chrissy Teigen wrote a beautiful and heartfelt blog post on Tuesday, chronicling the experience of losing her son, Jack, her reasoning for taking and posting photos of herself and husband John Legend while in the hospital, and what the support of fans and friends has meant as she goes through a very public grieving process.
The Medium post is simply titled "Hi." In it, Chrissy starts with a thank you to everyone who has reached out to her in kindness over the past few weeks since news broke that she had experienced a pregnancy loss.
"For weeks, our floors have been covered in flowers of kindness. Notes have flooded in and have each been read with our own teary eyes. Social media messages from strangers have consumed my days, most starting with 'you probably won’t read this, but…'. I can assure you, I did," she writes.
She goes on to list the physical symptoms that accompanied her pregnancy complications, for which she was hospitalized, explaining that her doctors diagnosed her with partial placenta abruption. "After a couple nights at the hospital, my doctor told me exactly what I knew was coming—it was time to say goodbye. He just wouldn’t survive this, and if it went on any longer, I might not either," Chrissy wrote.
We are shocked and in the kind of deep pain you only hear about, the kind of pain we’ve never felt before. We were never able to stop the bleeding and give our baby the fluids he needed, despite bags and bags of blood transfusions. It just wasn’t enough. . . We never decide on our babies’ names until the last possible moment after they’re born, just before we leave the hospital. But we, for some reason, had started to call this little guy in my belly Jack. So he will always be Jack to us. Jack worked so hard to be a part of our little family, and he will be, forever. . . To our Jack - I’m so sorry that the first few moments of your life were met with so many complications, that we couldn’t give you the home you needed to survive. We will always love you. . . Thank you to everyone who has been sending us positive energy, thoughts and prayers. We feel all of your love and truly appreciate you. . . We are so grateful for the life we have, for our wonderful babies Luna and Miles, for all the amazing things we’ve been able to experience. But everyday can’t be full of sunshine. On this darkest of days, we will grieve, we will cry our eyes out. But we will hug and love each other harder and get through it.
A post shared by chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) on Sep 30, 2020 at 8:58pm PDT
Chrissy also wrote about her decision to have photos taken of her and John in the hospital holding Jack following the birth, a practice often referred to as Miscarriage or Stillborn Photography. She wrote that she knew John hated taking them at the time but she also explained why she felt it was so important that the photos be taken.
"It didn't make sense to him at the time. But I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story," she wrote.
And she had a message for those who criticized her decision to post them on social media: "I cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos. How little I care that it's something you wouldn't have done. I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren't for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like."
The entire post is both heartbreaking and beautiful, and Chrissy ends it by chronicling some of her moments of joy, grief, pain, gratitude, and kindness since the news, urging readers to be kind to everyone they meet, especially people who have gone through something similar.
"[T]he moments of kindness have been nothing short of beautiful," she wrote. "I went to a store where the checkout lady quietly added flowers to my cart. Sometimes people will approach me with a note. The worst part is knowing there are so many women that won't get these quiet moments of joy from strangers. I beg you to please share your stories and to please be kind to those pouring their hearts out. Be kind in general, as some won't pour them out at all."
You can read Chrissy's full post here.
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