'How I Chose My Child’s Godparents: Everything You Need To Know'
Choosing godparents for your child can be challenging—especially if you're not sure what a godparent is. Whether you're approaching this choice out of an interest in helping your little one flourish in faith, or you want peace of mind about who will care for your child in the event of your passing, the choice can be a daunting one. You may also feel a little lost because you've seen certain Francis Ford Coppola films too many times, and you're wondering how they might factor into your choice.
Set all thoughts of Marlon Brando aside and lean in to ask: "What is a godparent?" As we explore the in's and out's of godparenthood—exploring the roles they play, eligibility requirements, how religion might factor in and even how to ask people to be your child's godparents—I will share the story of how my wife and I chose godparents for our daughter. Perhaps our journey can help you as you begin your own!
The Beginning of Our Journey
"If we get hit by a bus, who will take care of Evie?" I asked my wife, Becki, as if a surplus of runaway buses threatened us at every turn. While people tend to inject humor—however dark—into talk of death, the question was a serious one: Who would become our only child's legal guardians—her godparents, as I understood the term at the time—in the event of our untimely demise?
"I don't know," Becki said, "But we need to figure it out. It doesn't really make sense to start working on our wills until we do." We tabled the question and returned to it again and again, always trying to decide who would best raise Evie, who had just turned 11, in a loving home and also help her grow in her faith in Jesus.
By the time we knew who we wanted to ask to be Evie's godparents—something I will discuss shortly—I realized my own definition of the word "godparents" needed some refining. Since I grew up in a Protestant denomination that steered clear of this term altogether, I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised to learn my knowledge was lacking. Given that my family frequented Godfather's Pizza during my childhood, in fact, it's a miracle that marinara sauce didn't somehow factor into my understanding of the word!
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What Is a Godparent?
The word "godparents" entered my mind initially as we thought about potential guardians for Evie because we knew we wanted her upbringing in our absence to include a continuation of our family's faith journey. We are active in a progressive Protestant church, and Evie has joined us as we have staffed its food pantry, served our city's homeless, and prepared communion many times. We wanted to entrust her to people who would walk alongside her in the Christian faith—to play the part of God-oriented parents.
But then I learned godparents do not necessarily assume guardianship when parents pass away. They can—and some do—but this is neither a requirement nor the essence of what it means to be a godparent.
What really blew my mind was the realization that Becki and I didn't need to die at all—let alone by Greyhound—for Evie to benefit from the influence of godparents. They could contribute to her spiritual formation here and now.
Godparenting has its roots in the Catholic church. There, an infant's parents choose her godparents—otherwise known as "sponsors"—who then witness the child's baptism and promise to serve as her spiritual mentors—praying for her, teaching her about the faith and serving as living examples of what it means to follow Jesus. In godparents, a child's parents have partners who work alongside them and in conjunction with the church to provide a firm faith foundation for their little one. What a beautiful tradition!
In a broader sense—one that encompasses other Christian traditions too—godparents function similarly by serving as spiritual examples, offering spiritual support, and otherwise helping their godchildren flourish in their faith. In an even broader, secular sense, people appoint variations of godparents—"guideparents" in humanist circles—to offer guidance, love and support to children throughout life.
If a child's parents and godparents wish to formalize the agreement through a will, godparents can become a child's legal guardians in the event that the parents pass away while the child remains a minor. Even though this is not a requirement, as I said earlier, it is certainly a way for parents to ensure that their children continue to be raised in their religious tradition in their absence.
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What Is Required To Be a Godparent?
In the Catholic church, godparents must be practicing members of the church who are at least 16 years old. They also must be fully initiated, meaning they have partaken of the three sacraments of initiation—baptism, confirmation and the Eucharist.
According to church canon, parents can elect one or two godparents for their child. Most people choose family members or beloved, trusted friends. When two people are chosen, one must be male and the other female. If these two are married, they must have been married in the Catholic church or had their marriage blessed by it.
In the broader Christian sense, godparents should be people who are active in church life and treasure their faith so they have a natural interest in helping your child grow in the faith too. If you are unsure whether or not your denomination has formal requirements for godparenthood, I recommend picking your pastor's brain for information.
Finally, when a godparent promises to lead a little one in the faith—serving as a source of guidance, love and support—it is more about an ongoing relationship than ticking any boxes on a list of requirements. Being a godparent will undoubtedly require time, energy and commitment from anyone who assumes the role. If you have been asked to be a child's godparent and you cannot, in good conscience, offer these things, you should probably gracefully decline.
Who Cannot Be Godparents?
In the Catholic church, a child's parents cannot be his or her godparents. People who belong to other Christian denominations cannot either, but they can partner with a Catholic godparent to witness the baptism—beyond this, however, they have no official duties. With regard to other Christian traditions, pastors are once again the best people to ask when it comes to assessing eligibility for godparenthood.
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How To Choose Godparents
When selecting godparents for your child, it's better to take your time when choosing than to rush and make a rash decision you and your family could regret later. You may feel obligated to select family members who are revered for their faith even if you aren't particularly close to them—and even if you don't like them all that much.
Before surrendering to this seemingly overpowering impulse, you and your spouse or partner might benefit from asking yourselves the following questions:
When I think about choosing godparents for my child, are there trusted people of faith—whether beloved friends or family members—that come to mind right away?
Are these people welcome in our family's orbit, and frequently found there already?
Can I imagine these people being involved in our lives for the long haul?
Does their faith align with ours in every way that is important for our child's spiritual formation?
When I think of inviting these people into our child's life as godparents, am I filled with hope and joy at the prospect of the positive spiritual impact they might have on our child, and perhaps even my family as a whole?
Answering questions like these and talking them over with your spouse or partner may help you select godparents that assist you and your church in passing the gift of faith on to your little one.
When Becki and I first asked ourselves questions like these, our minds turned to my parents. Mom and Dad have always been exemplary Christian parents, and Dad served as a pastor for four-and-a-half decades.
Then COVID-19 ravaged his kidneys in January of 2021—before vaccines were available—landing him in the hospital for over 70 days, leaving him in end-stage renal failure and awaiting a kidney transplant, and forcing him to retire from ministry. They ended up moving to our city a year later to be close to us, but we decided to look for other candidates for godparents because of Dad's health concerns.
We pored over a long list of family and friends, but no one felt like a fit. Some people held beliefs that did not align with ours. Others lived far away, which meant Evie would need to relocate to live with her new guardians if we passed away. Still others preferred the "child-free" life, and we respected their choice.
Around this time, we began to spend a lot more time with Dan and Rosa, a couple we had known as acquaintances for over ten years. While Becki and I knew them to be devout Christians and doting parents from afar, we quickly became much closer to them when Evie and their daughter, Tula, became best friends seemingly overnight.
Whenever our girls got together, we grownups ended up spending time together too. We enjoyed each other a lot and discovered that our time together reminded us of what it felt like to while away the hours with friends in our high school days.
We bonded over conversations about our children and our churches on our screened-in porch. Together we broke bread—well, tortillas—at myriad Mexican restaurants. So many, in fact, that I'm a little surprised we didn't cause a national shortage of chips and salsa. When we went without seeing Dan and Rosa for more than a week, Becki would ask me if I missed them. We both did.
The more we got to know Dan and Rosa, the more we admired the way their faith informed their lives. They radiated joy, happily helped strangers in need and welcomed marginalized people into their lives. On multiple occasions, I stopped by their house to find Dan mowing the yard of the widow who lived next door. Becki and I could see the love of Jesus woven into the very fabric of their lives, and it made us love them more and more with the passage of time.
As our friendship with Dan and Rosa blossomed, an old question again sprang to mind: "If we get hit by a bus, who will take care of Evie?" My thoughts turned to Dan and Rosa. I knew they would be great godparents in the fullest definition of the word!
When I relayed this realization to Becki, her eyes lit up.
"Yes, Dan and Rosa would be great!" she said. "Oh, and you know who can handle our will?" Becki asked excitedly.
"Who?" I said, raising one eyebrow in expectation.
"Rosa's boss—he's a lawyer!"
While Rosa's boss did end up preparing and finalizing our will, we first needed to ask Dan and Rosa if they would even be willing to be Evie's godparents.
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How To Ask Someone To Be a Godparent
As tempting as it is to text potential godparents with your request, saying something like, "Wanna be my kid's godparent lol 😛," this approach lacks—well, it lacks a lot, frankly.
This is a big request, and being asked to be someone's godparent is an honor. Always do it in person (if at all possible).
When you do, explain what being your child's godparents will entail so the scope of the commitment is clear. Also, be sure to explain why you're asking them instead of literally anyone else on Earth. This is your chance to gush, encourage, edify and let them know how much you appreciate them.
Prepare for the possibility that the people you're asking might decline. In the event that they do, it is best not to ask them in front of a group—they may feel pressure to say yes, which is fun for no one (especially for them).
Asking via social media is another form of asking in front of a group. As much as you might want to ask via tweet and append the hashtag "blessed," please fight the urge to do so.
We kept it simple when we asked Dan and Rosa, paying them a visit and sitting down at their kitchen table with them to pop the question. They said yes. (I mean, it would be pretty miserable if I wrote all of this only to conclude with, "Ta-da! They said 'No!'")
Later that evening, we sat down with Evie and told her what had transpired.
"And if we get hit by a bus and die," we explained, "Dan and Rosa will be your new guardians and Tula will be your sister."
We expected her to well up with tears and tug at our sleeves, pleading, "Please don't die! You are the very air I breathe, Mom and Dad!"
Instead, she cheered and jumped up and down a little too much for our liking.
"No, no—Evie," I wanted to say. "We have to die for that to happen. We have to die." At least she was happy. So were we—Evie had godparents. And good ones at that.
Celebrating With Ceremony
There are many ways to celebrate godparenthood. In the Catholic church, celebration plays out in the Rite of Baptism, wherein godparents promise to help the parents raise their child in faith. They also renounce evil and profess faith with the parents, as well as join the family at the baptismal font.
In more secular settings, parents sometimes celebrate the arrival of their child with a naming ceremony. In addition to introducing attendees to their child and his or her name, the parents may introduce the child's "guideparents" in order to celebrate the role they will play in the little one's life. During this ceremony, guideparents may make promises to love, nurture and guide the child as he or she grows.
Of course, if your child is 11, like ours, you may feel like taking a totally different approach to celebrating her godparents and the part they will play in helping her grow as a believer. Your celebration may involve Mexican food and an absurd amount of chips and salsa—ultimately, it's up to you. Do what feels right for your family and your child's godparents. Just make sure you celebrate!
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