Celebrity Breakups Don't Mean Love Is Dead
"Love is dead."
That's how plenty of fans were reacting after Step Up actors Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan announced they were splitting after nearly nine years of marriage last week. But hadn't love died with other celebrity splits? Lots of people were saying the same thing when Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik shared they were breaking up in February... and when Chris Pratt and Anna Faris revealed they were also going different ways last August.
While it’s expected for fans to act as cheerleaders for celebrity couples and feel a level of sadness when high profile relationships end, the reactions to Hollywood heartbreaks from disappointed fans often include some predictable ultimatums: “If they can’t make it, no one can!” But these proclamations often gloss over the reality that celebrities are real people too. As anyone who has gone through a breakup knows, heartbreak can be difficult to process, let alone in the public eye. And it's perhaps a bit much putting the fate of love as we know it on two stars as they wade through the emotions, turmoil, and anguish that a breakup can bring.
“A couple that is separating has likely come to this decision after a lot of thought and a long struggle,” Saba Harouni Lurie, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and founder of Take Root Therapy tells Teen Vogue. She adds that often, the typical ups and downs that occur in any relationship are often made even more complicated for those in Hollywood, perhaps compounded by being in the public eye; having untraditional and demanding work schedules and "images" to maintain; and a feeling that “their decisions and their lives are constantly being inspected by their fans.” As if breaking up isn’t hard enough, celebrities often may feel they have to justify the why and how to their fans, too. Sometimes, they might even feel added pressure to remain in a relationship that isn’t fulfilling, to avoid fan and public scrutiny.
Broad and negative generalizations made about a couple’s relationship made by fans or friends alike are never a good idea for a few reasons, perhaps primarily because you don’t know the couple aside from what they, or their representation, choose to project to the outside world.
“When fans are exposed to Hollywood relationships, they are often only exposed to one side of the relationship,” Lurie explains, saying that fans as outsiders are not privy to the inner-workings of a relationship between two individuals, which can include their communication styles and of course, challenges only they know about. “To base beliefs about love and coupledom on this one-dimensional perspective of a relationship can be really limiting for fans, and can ultimately lead them to disappointment when it comes to pursuing and building their own relationships.”
Yet innately and naturally, fans everywhere often turn to celebrities and their relationships because of the glamour and appeal Hollywood often exudes. Call it fantasy or escapism, but we root for our favorite celebs, and react to breaking news. It's all too easy (and again, normal) to take this to another level, and subscribe to the belief that celebs and stars "have everything," thereby losing sight of the fact that they are individuals and human beings, just like us.
In the social media age, celebrities on the whole have also been more candid than ever before regarding personal struggles, mental health, their own insecurities, and private experiences that the average person might just keep to themselves or at the very least, not feel obligated to speak publicly about on a global stage. And as with the most recent announcement from Channing and Jenna, that type of sharing is not always met with positivity and support. Sometimes, it's met with higher expectations.
And while romantic breakups — whether from dating or from marriage — are often construed as negative, perhaps the overall attitude toward this news needs to change. Deborah J. Cohan, Ph.D, Associate Professor of Sociology at the University of South Carolina Beaufort suggests looking at the bigger picture and abandoning the fixed mindsets that breakups, in all forms, are failures.
“I don’t see it as a bad thing. It sort of begs the question, ‘are we really supposed to be together with one person forever and ever?’ Maybe, maybe not,” she tells Teen Vogue, adding that splitting up is not a failure or a moral collapse, and is not a wholly good or wholly bad thing. Sometimes, she says, the way some people go about splitting up might be deemed, “bad,” but that it is entirely possible to break up with, “kindness and care, integrity, compassion, and even love.”
So in fact, a breakup does not mean love is dead. Instead, it could very well mean that respectful, compassionate love is very much still alive. That just might be something to celebrate.
While it's totally normal to advocate for your favorite celebs and be somewhat invested in their relationships, it's important to keep in mind that as their careers move on and progress after a breakup, there is in fact life after separation. In the interim, it has been made clear in both Channing and Jenna, and Gigi and Zayn's recent official statements, they hope to achieve some level of privacy as they navigate newly single waters.
It's easy — and to a point, funny — to say that love isn’t all it’s cracked up to be since your faves haven’t “worked out." But celebrities have dated and broken up since... well, the dawn of celebrity. There will be another favorite couple to ship in due time. But you might want to brace yourself for the inevitable Instagram post or breakup haircut, just in case.
Related: Karlie Kloss Explained Why She Keeps Her Love Life Private
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