How to celebrate Mother’s Day with someone who has dementia

Colleen Guerry
·3 min read

NASHVILLE, Tenn. (WKRN) — Since women account for two-thirds of all Americans living with Alzheimer’s disease, according to the National Institutes of Health, the Alzheimer’s Foundation of America (AFA) offered some advice ahead of Mother’s Day.

“Mother’s Day is all about honoring the mother figures in our lives who loved, nurtured, and supported us. If a special woman in your life lives with dementia, taking a few small steps will go a long way to help her feel the love and appreciation she deserves on Mother’s Day,” said Jennifer Reeder, AFA’s Director of Educational and Social Services. “Making a few minor adaptations can help celebrate the bond you share with your loved one in a dementia-friendly manner.”

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AFA shared the following five tips for families impacted by Alzheimer’s disease or a related dementia to help you celebrate a joyful Mother’s Day:

  • Make your own Mother’s Day card. Write a Mother’s Day card and read it out loud to your loved one, because even if they can’t grasp the full meaning, the act itself can uplift your spirits and those of your loved one.

  • Create new memories using a strengths-based, person-centered approach. Since quality time together is one of the best Mother’s Day gifts, you can plan activities to enjoy with your loved one. When doing so, however, make sure to incorporate what the person currently can do and what they presently choose to do, focusing on activities that are pleasurable and forgoing those that may be too stressful.

  • Reminisce together. Familiar faces and old photos can bring joy and comfort to someone living with dementia — even if the person can’t remember the names — as well as help you connect with your loved one and evoke positive memories.

    • Look at old photos together and describe them for your loved one, pointing out who the people were or what the occasion was.

    • Avoid asking questions like, “Do you remember?” That can be embarrassing for someone living with a memory disorder.

    • Be patient and attentive when listening to your loved one’s stories and memories. Also, validate their feelings and experiences — even if they don’t align with reality — because that reinforces the feeling of being heard and understood.

  • Adapt old favorites. Since dementia-related illnesses can affect a person’s ability to do things as they previously did, it’s important to be flexible, creative, and patient. For example, if the person used to love going to a certain restaurant, order food from there and have a feast at home instead.
    You should also break down complex activities into simpler steps. For instance, if your loved one enjoyed cooking, focus on tasks like mixing ingredients rather than following elaborate recipes.

  • Keep in mind that flowers are not only a very popular Mother’s Day gift, but they can also be especially beneficial for someone living with dementia. The scent can help improve mood, promote positive feelings, and stimulate the brain. In addition, flowers have a calming effect that reduces agitation and stress.
    In other words, take advantage of this gift’s therapeutic benefits by purchasing a bouquet of fresh flowers — preferably ones that are non-toxic to humans or pets, such as roses, orchids, or sunflowers — and set the flowers on a table so you and your loved one can enjoy their fragrance together.

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AFA’s Helpline, which is staffed entirely by licensed social workers who are specifically trained in dementia care, can give families additional information and support. If you want to contact the Helpline, it’s available seven days a week by calling 866-232-8484, sending a text to 646-586-5283, or going online.

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