The Butterfly Sex Position Will Make You Feel Like a Damn Goddess
There is no sex position I love more than the butterfly. Well, except maybe for the missionary position. I know the ol' mish gets a bad rep, but sometimes you just want to lie there and do nothing, you know?
Feel me? Both missionary and the butterfly positions are super easy and low-effort on the vulva owner's part. It's a dream for any submissive-leaning babes, or just lazy AF lovers. (No shade here!)
The butterfly, in my humble opinion, has a certain something that missionary lacks: General sexiness. It looks acrobatic and daring, when really, it's not. "You can easily be considered a pillow princess in this position as you are on the receiving all of the pleasure without having to put in much effort," says Taylor Sparks, erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven, one of the largest BIPOC-owned online intimacy shops. What could be more dope?
If you're a person who loves sex, but is not so big on the heavy lifting, the butterfly position is the one for you. You'll feel like a damn goddess, all while relaxing on your back like the luxuriating mermaid you know you are.
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Intrigued? Here's how to master the butterfly. And may you fly, fly, fly to many orgasms.
What Is the Butterfly Sex Position?
The butterfly sex position is when the vulva owner (or bottom) lies at the edge of the bed and the person with the penis (or dildo, strap-on) stands in front of them. The bottom drapes their legs over the top's shoulders, or can relax them out to the sides. It's really adorable, actually. Together you look like a literal butterfly. The bottom is the wings and the top is the body.
It's still hot though. Very hot, I promise.
Yeji Kim
The butterfly position is a pretty easy one to get into. The vulva owner lies on their back (yay 🎉), with their butt scooched all the way to the edge of the bed, couch, table, etc. "The top then inserts their penis (or dildo) into their partner's vagina or anus as the bottom partner then drapes their legs over the top's shoulders," says Zachary Zane, a sex expert for Lovehoney.
Kenneth Play, an international educator and creator of the Sex Hacker, warns that you should mind the height of the surface you're lying on. You want the person with the penis or dildo to line up correctly with your pelvis. "Don't have your shins too close to the bottom of the bed frame or you're going to bang your shins," he adds.
The Perks of the Butterfly Position
As if getting to be completely lazy weren't reason enough to love this, there are a bunch of other benefits to the butterfly position, too. "The butterfly sex position allows for incredibly deep penetration," says Sparks, helping you access and stimulate all the deep vaginal erogenous zones that feel amazing. "The top can also hold on to the partner's upper thighs to increase power and intensity while thrusting."
This is a fabulous position to lean into a Dominant/submissive dynamic. Playing with power control is a sexy way to make all your sexual experiences more exciting." (Related: What It's Really Like to Be a Dominatrix)
This is an ideal position to incorporate toys, since the clitoral glans (the external portion of the clitoris, at the top of the vulva) is right there, ready for additional stimulation. "The bottom can easily put a bullet vibrator to their clitoris for additional stimulation," explains Zane. (Related: The Best Bullet Vibrators for Anytime Pleasure)
Lastly, Play says this position is an awesome workout for the top. "You can thrust with powerful muscles like the glutes, hamstrings, and hip flexors for good, consistent thrusting," he says.
Tweaks to Make the Butterfly Work for You
If you're ever in pain or something isn't doing it for you, don't forget that not every position is for everyone and that's completely okay. "Communicate, communicate, communicate! Never be afraid to advocate for your own pleasure and what your partner(s) can do to improve it as well as listen and encourage the same from them," says Tiana North, a polyamorous educator, activist, co-founder of The Sex Worker Survival Guide, a non-profit organization advocating for the rights and safety of sex workers.
With that in mind, try these techniques and tweaks to make the butterfly sex position work for you.
1. Brace Yourself.
If deep penetration is not your jam, Zane has a workaround: "The bottom can put their legs on their partner's chest or shoulders in the 'launch pad' position. This allows the bottom to better control the depth of penetration," he says. "This variation is ideal if the bottom has a more shallow vagina, or the top is particularly well-endowed."
2. Fly Away.
The vulva owner can lift their pelvis up (and the top partner can hold their hips) for a variation you could totally call the "flying butterfly." If the surface you're on isn't quite high enough to match up your vagina with your partner's penis or dildo, this tweak can help you get aligned. (Speaking of alignment, also try the coital alignment technique, aka the CAT position.)
3. Spoon It.
If you have inflexible hips, having them open for a prolonged period can cause pain. Instead, lie on your side, both legs together in a spoon position. Your partner can still enter you in the same way they would if your legs were apart or extended vertically. This not only feels more comfortable, but will make for a tighter feel for the top. Personally, I've nicknamed this the "sleeping butterfly."
Gigi Engle is a certified sexologist, educator, and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @GigiEngle.
