This Bridesmaid Left A Wedding Because The Bride Expected Her To Help Clean Up, And It's Sparking A Discussion About Bridal Party Expectations
I don't know if you've noticed, but there's been a bit of a ~conversation~ in the past year or so when it comes to weddings. Particularly, the pressure and expectations put on the bridal party to go above and beyond for the bride, to the point where it can get a little ridiculous/unfair.
20th Century Fox
A prime example is this bridesmaid, who recently went viral for calling out how bonkers expensive bachelorette parties have become and the fact that the bridal party is still expected to cover all of the bride's expenses.
Well, the convo has officially made its way over to Reddit — particularly, in the Am I The Asshole subreddit, where people chime in on whether someone is, indeed, an A-hole for the things they did.
TLC
Now, this conundrum doesn't have to do with bachelorette parties, but it IS about what's okay (and not okay) to expect of your bridesmaids on the big day. Here's a breakdown for the full story, according to the OP (original poster):
OP was recently one of three bridesmaids in her friend's wedding, which was held at a remote venue on a mountain. Once everyone arrived, they did a dry run of the ceremony and checked out the venue. Afterward, OP assumed everyone would simply go to their cabins and relax, but that wasn't the case. "Instead, the men immediately headed to the liquor store, and the groom's and bride's mothers began ordering the bridesmaids to move furniture into place."
BET
"That night the women did everything, from dragging 250 chairs out of the shed and setting them up, to hauling furniture down two flights of stairs and positioning it in other places. Because I was the tallest and strongest person in the group, it was mostly on me to haul the larger pieces around, and the mother and mother-in-law of the bride largely stood around talking about details with her."
NBC
"I asked repeatedly if the groom and groomsmen could be called to help, but was told that we 'didn't want to bother them' and that 'they're out unwinding before the big day.' The father of the bride has a heart condition, and the father-in-law was much older and walking with a cane, so he couldn't help out either. At the end of two very sweaty hours, I had splinters, blisters, and was covered in sweat, but everything was set up."
Pretty soon, the reason behind all the manual labor became apparent. "During the wedding, I learned that the bride and groom were trying to avoid all of the setup and takedown fees from the venue. ... After a bit more conversation, I found out that the plan was for the bride and groom to leave, and the bridesmaids and groomsmen to stick around and do everything, from cleaning up trash to moving the furniture back where we'd gotten it."
VH1
Things didn't improve from there. "Toward the end of the party, almost everyone had left, and I realized that two of the groomsmen were so drunk that they were going to be useless, and it would again be on the bridesmaids to clean up and put all the furniture back up the stairs."
At this point, OP was D-O-N-E. She told the bride she was leaving, which the bride didn't take so well. "Judging from her slightly panicked expression and the 'OH....you're leaving? You're leaving now?' questions, I realized that she definitely expected me to move the furniture back, but didn't want to say anything while surrounded by people."
NBC
"So I left, and my phone blew up as I was driving back down the mountain. The other bridesmaids were texting me and the [the bride]'s mother left me an angry voicemail about how I was bailing on my duties as a bridesmaid."
Bravo
"The next day, I woke up to a massive paragraph from [the bride] that said it was my fault that they had to pay the $500 cleanup fee, because they weren't able to get everything put back in time."
Disney
I'm...speechless. But thankfully, others had plenty to say in the comments on the thread. One person called out the bride and groom for springing this on OP so last minute, while another pointed out that they expected her to do most of the work:
"If the wedding party is going to be doing this kind of work, you should have been ASKED in advance. You can’t demand your wedding party do heavy labor like that because you want to be a cheapskate. You can ask, but you can’t just expect and demand."
"If ONE person's absence made it impossible for EIGHT people to move everything back, then SEVEN people aren't pulling their weight. Tell everyone this."
Others took major issue with the fact that the groomsmen got to just kick back while the bridesmaids did all the work:
"To think that the groomsmen have a 'right' to unwind but the bridesmaid should do the hard labour? And afterwards get punished for not being shit drunk? Hell no. Their awful planning is not OP's problem. They wanted to save but let the men rest and get drunk. They didn't even ask nicely."
And finally, people shared their own stories about similar experiences, proving that this isn't just some isolated incident:
"My best friend gave me so many last minute things to do on her wedding day, I still have stress nightmares about it. I would have done it no matter what, there was just no discussion beforehand."
"This reminds me of when I was invited to my friend's wedding and the groom/my friend picked me up from where I was staying to 'hang out.' When actually, they had me work and move chairs from their church to a truck, and then unpack the truck and organize the chairs for the wedding reception. I had worn nice clothes that day because I thought we were gonna hang out and get food, but instead I was sweaty after two hours of labor."
Personally, I'm on OP's side here. But what do you think? Was she wrong to leave the wedding and "bailing" on her "bridesmaid duties."
Correct Incorrect No — The bride's expectations of her and the rest of the bridal party were ridiculous and unfair.
Correct Incorrect Yes — Bridesmaids have an obligation to the bride on their wedding day, and OP should have stayed.
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No — The bride's expectations of her and the rest of the bridal party were ridiculous and unfair.
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Yes — Bridesmaids have an obligation to the bride on their wedding day, and OP should have stayed.
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