"Now I'm Forever Stuck With Her": This Bride Shared How Her Mother-In-Law Ruined Her Wedding, And The Entitlement Is Off The Charts
Planning a wedding is both a blissful and stressful time, to say the least. Whether you're planning a small intimate wedding or something more extravagant, odds are you and your significant other want things a certain way to your liking.
Well, it doesn't help when you have an in-law who wants to overstep boundaries and doesn't know their place in the wedding planning. This redditor shared their situation in the r/JUSTNOMIL subreddit, and my jaw is on the floor after reading their story.
"My MIL is the type of person who loves attention, whether bad or good, and cannot stand when someone else has the spotlight. Factor that into the fact I was the BRIDE on my wedding day; who would have thought eyes might be on my partner and me? (Cue sarcasm).
Leading up to this past weekend, my MIL wanted to wear a very light beige/white lace dress to the wedding — which my husband vetoed. That was a HUGE deal — saying she didn’t want to come to our wedding and that I was 'not making a good start to an in-law relationship,' mind you, I’ve been with her son for eight years, so our relationship has already begun. She also said my husband should not marry me, lol," the OP wrote.
Note: Some of this submission has been edited for length and/or clarity.
"Fast forward to the rehearsal dinner. My MIL and FIL (who is just a saint, actually) paid for the rehearsal dinner. She told everyone and her mother how she paid $1,200 for the rehearsal dinner after vetoing multiple restaurants and choosing the cheapest option farthest from our stay. She said it multiple times in her speech. My parents graciously offered to pay for my now husband and I’s wedding, but they never even spoke about it or bragged," wrote the OP.
"During the entire rehearsal dinner, she sat and pouted. In her speech, she said, 'DIL, I hope you’re not offended, but this day is about the husband, so I did not mention you! Tomorrow’s your day.' In her speech, she blamed me for my husband not calling as frequently once we met and said that she had lost her son to me. I have never once discouraged him from speaking to her, so I’m not sure what she’s talking about," the OP continued.
It gets worse! "On to the wedding day. She came into my wedding suite when I was in my dress, to which I said 'hello!' with a huge grin on my face — she locked eyes with me and walked right past me. The entire time did not compliment me but complimented all of my bridesmaids. She ruined my husband's and her first look because 'she didn’t want to wait for a photographer' and then complained they had no photos of the two, even though I arranged the first look for them," the OP wrote.
"She was complaining about the family photo time, saying she wanted to join the cocktail hour because there were 'people there who wanted to talk with her,' to which I told her she was more than welcome to go and that we were right on schedule. She sat in the yard chair by herself and pouted with her arms crossed. At the start of the ceremony, she thanked my husband's side for supporting my husband as 'his side was light' because she forced us to invite distant relatives, and 30+ didn’t show. She talked extremely loudly during all speeches and complained when my dad was 'taking too long,'" wrote the OP.
The OP continued, writing, "Next morning, my mom and dad hosted brunch and had us all come over for breakfast before people departed. My MIL came and complained about the DJ and photographer for 30+ minutes to anyone who would listen. Then she complained that my mother said brunch started at noon but began at 11 (it was always 11). She hissed at my mom for 'not enough food being there for her family' as my mother was slaving over the stove. My husband had told her to stop four times until she said, 'Bad news, no more food!' when new guests arrived (there was an island full of food). I turned quickly and said, 'Enough, please,' as my mother was almost in tears. My husband says, 'Mom, you’re being insulting,” while whispering in her ear away from everyone.'"
After sharing a few more instances that took place that weekend, OP finished by asking for advice: "How do I navigate this??? I do not want a relationship with her, but the rest of the family is normal and I love them more than anything. The memory of my wedding is tainted. I’m trying to be positive, but it’s hard. Other than all of the above, we had a wonderful weekend."
Woof, that was a doozy! Over 50 commenters chimed in, offering their advice and showing empathy towards this new bride.
"This really brought me back to my wedding day, and I'm sorry. My husband's mother, sister, and father all played a part in making it about them and left me furious and my husband spending our wedding night crying from the guilt.
But all that is to say is that you are blessed that the rest of the family is regular. Lean on them, continue to have a relationship with the rest of his family, and ignore her. She will have two choices. 1: be forced into changing her ways, or 2: be the problem. Stay on top of your husband to ensure she doesn't guilt-trip him.
To look at my wedding with happiness, I hold on to a few moments, including our entire ceremony and our first dance. Find some moments you can reflect on, and remember those memories when you begin to think about your wedding.
Good luck to you!"
—u/Complimentary_coffee
This commenter offered some solid advice, too.
"It will take work, but flip the wedding story to where you laugh at her and her actions. It will take time, but don't let her take this away from you. There is some humor in there. In addition, everyone saw what she was and, unfortunately, still is.
For now, I would go no contact, and your husband should also. If you let her back in your lives and she starts up again, tell her you're not playing anymore, and she can stop with all the complaining and attention-seeking antics, or you can and will go back to ignoring her.
—u/Glittering_Win_9677
This commenter brought up a lot of valid points in their advice.
"Sit down with DH (dear husband) and tell him you both need a 3-month break from her after her behavior leading up to and during your wedding weekend. Then he can call her & tell her you’re both taking six months away due to her appalling behavior, and she is only to contact you in extreme emergency. You'll restart the three months if she contacts you for any other reason. It's time to start married life with boundaries. Boundaries have consequences as does appalling behaviour. If you don’t do this, she will act like this when you’re pregnant, when you’re in labor, and when the baby has arrived. Every life event will have her ruin it. She needs consequences now for her actions, and three months gives you time to properly digest and discuss what you will do about her behavior going forward. However, I’d still be shallow contact without an apology after three months."
—u/apparentwhore
Note: Some comments were edited for length and clarity.
What do you think? Why do you think the mother-in-law is behaving this way? Is there a right or wrong way of handling this situation? How does one begin to set boundaries here? Share all your thoughts with me in the comments below!
