‘My body is my friend, not my enemy’: Ashira Paraskevas on detaching self-worth from size, and the ‘slow-burn romance’ of self-love
For Ashira Paraskevas, a mental health and self-love advocate based in Australia, recognizing her own self-worth hasn’t always been easy. Paraskevas, who uses her social media platform to share her journey toward self-acceptance, previously struggled with an eating disorder between the ages 16 and 23.
“It’s been a continuous battle since high school,” Paraskevas told In The Know. “I knew it wasn’t normal, that I wasn’t healthy. I loved how I got so much praise and love when I was skinny compared to being ‘chubby.’ I was addicted to the validation, to feeling like it was the one thing in my life I could be in charge of, and the idea that the skinnier I get, the more love and respect I will get.”
It was in 2019 and 2020 when things got even worse. During this time, Paraskevas was competing in beauty pageants and the pressure for “perfection” was at its highest.
“I felt like I was never good enough, so I thought the skinner I got, the more beautiful I would be,” she said. “It got to the point of having severe health concerns, where I couldn’t function, where it was ruling my life and hurting me more than ever and my relationships.”
Paraskevas ended up seeking professional help for her disordered eating, exercise obsessions and bulimia. Trying to unpack her obsession with her size and unlearn beliefs about standards of beauty that have long been ingrained in her were among the areas she focused on in recovery. And while she still, admittedly, may struggle at times, she’s in remission.
“My body is my friend, not my enemy,” she asserted. “Life without an eating disorder will always be better than living with one.”
In the last few years, the Australian native has stopped seeking external validation, which is reflected in her social media presence, too. Paraskevas maintains candor with her upwards of 109,000 Instagram followers, and makes a conscious effort to show both her highs and lows.
“One day I just was so tired of trying to keep up a perfect image when behind the scenes, I was struggling with a lot,” she said. “I decided to share my journey with a photo and talk about my eating disorder recovery and what I’m going through.”
What Paraskevas didn’t expect was the outpouring of support she’d receive.
“At the time, I was only OK with sharing a bit to show others that they aren’t alone and that what they see on social media isn’t real life,” she said. “That post had comments that made me cry, others connecting and sharing, and people supporting me and inspiring me to keep going. From then on, I couldn’t go back to having a fake social media, I wanted to create that community of people who uplift each other and where people feel safe, seen and heard.”
Still, she isn’t immune to the dangers that scrolling on Instagram can pose to one’s self-esteem. In fact, she’s created a series of positive affirmations to combat any negative self-talk in those situations.
“When I see content that does negatively impact me, I have a page of selective affirmations that help self-validate if I find myself comparing and in that spiral,” Paraskevas explained. “Some affirmations include: ‘Someone else’s beauty doesn’t take away from my beauty’, ‘Not all bodies are the same, there is nothing bad about my body, it’s how it is meant to be for me’, ‘I am grateful for everything my body allows me to do and choose to focus on that’, ‘What would you say right now to a friend who feels how you feel?’”
Acceptance, for Paraskevas, was the first step on her “self-love journey.” While immediately “falling head over heels for yourself” would be ideal, the reality is that loving yourself is complicated, and, for some, hard.
“Self-love is more of a slow-burn romance,” she explained. “Acceptance doesn’t mean you love everything about yourself. It’s [about] developing an acknowledgement, contentment and understanding that you are you.”
As for any advice she has for people who may be struggling with their own body image?
“Even though the world may try and convince you that you are not beautiful, you are not worthy and enough as you are, I assure you, you are,” she said. “Nothing needs to change; you don’t need to add or remove anything about yourself to be loved, belong and seen.”
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