Billie Eilish Opened Up About Feeling Like Her Body Had Been "Gaslighting Her For Years"

Back in 2020, Billie Eilish released the genre-bending song "My Future." It would eventually serve as the first single for her second studio album, Happier Than Ever.

  Robert Smith / Patrick McMullan via Getty Images
Robert Smith / Patrick McMullan via Getty Images

During a recent interview with Vogue, Billie opened up about the dual meaning of the song, which included her evolving relationship with her body.

Billie smiling widely
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In the lyrics, Billie wrote, "Cause I'm in love with my future / Can't wait to meet her / And I'm in love but not with anybody else / Just wanna get to know myself."

“Going through my teenage years of hating myself and all that stupid shit," Billie told Vogue. "A lot of it came from my anger toward my body..."

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"...and how mad I was at how much pain it’s caused me, and how much I’ve lost because of things that happened to it.”

Billie on the red carpet in a corset gown
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One of those losses came at the age of 13, when her dreams of becoming a professional dancer came crashing down after a significant growth plate injury in her hip.

The injury happened right after Billie released her breakout song "Ocean Eyes" on SoundCloud in 2015. The incident was followed by lower back injuries and multiple misdiagnoses.

  Jennifer Lourie / Getty Images
Jennifer Lourie / Getty Images

According to Vogue, it also increased the "alienation Billie felt in her own skin." She would discover the name for her condition, hypermobility, through her movement coach Kristina Cañizares.

  Joseph Okpako / WireImage / Getty Images
Joseph Okpako / WireImage / Getty Images

“I felt like my body was gaslighting me for years,” Billie added. “I had to go through a process of being like, 'My body is actually me. And it’s not out to get me.'”

Billie smiles with her eyes shut as she holds her Oscar
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But the relationship the 21-year-old singer/songwriter built with herself wasn't the only one she explored through "My Future." In the past, Billie also opened up about the song depicting her relationship with society and the world itself.

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After the initial release of the song, Billie put out a statement describing the inspiration for the lyrics and the state of mind she was in when she wrote it.

Here is the statement via the Fader:

“It’s a song that’s really really personal and special to me. When we wrote this song, it was exactly where my head was at — hopeful, excited...and self-reflection and self-growth. But recently, it has also taken on a lot of new meanings in the context of what’s happening in the world now. I hope you can all find meaning in it for yourselves."

The future feels uncertain and crazy right now, but I think we need to be ready to put the work in, and if we do that, we should be hopeful and excited for our future. I have to keep reminding myself that the future is ours, and I know we want to do everything we can to make it better for everyone in the world, and the world itself. Stay hopeful."

That's what makes music and all other art forms so special, because it can hold so many different meanings for so many different people. And yet, they're all valid.

To learn more about Billie, be sure to check out her full interview with Vogue.