Betty Nufer: Communication is a two-way street

A reader recently called because they were concerned with “always finding themselves in dysfunctional relationships." After some discussion, it became clear that the dysfunctional relationship they referred to was just the tip of the iceberg with poor communication being the berg.

There are certain qualities required in order to have good relationships and there are things that may hinder achieving those healthy relationships. So, what are the healthy traits of good relationships and what can we do to obtain and nurture those relationships?

We must first recognize that no one person is perfect and that each person may see the same thing through different filters. (It’s the “half full/half empty” way of thinking.) Also, a wise person once told me that there are actually three sides to a story: each person’s truth and the honest truth.

A strong, healthy relationship can be one of the best and most enjoyable things in life and a dysfunctional relationship can be one of the most frustrating and upsetting things in life. Good relationships may improve many aspects of life. They can strengthen health, mind, and even lengthen life. Dysfunctional relationships have more heartaches than good times, relationships weaken and dissolve. Differences may be swept under the rug instead of finding resolutions. This is why good communication is vital.

Nothing can bring more joy to life than beautiful fulfilling relationships. The depth of meaning, understanding and appreciation that these kinds of relationships bring is extremely rewarding.

Here are some quick tips to follow if you want to have good and healthy communication with others:

• The six most important words: "I admit I made a mistake."

• The five most important words: "You did a good job."

• The four most important words: "What is your opinion?"

• The three most important words: "If you please."

• The two most important words: "Thank you."

• The one most important word: "We"

• The least important word: "I"

Relationships are like streets in a community. There are one-way streets and two-way streets. A one-way street relationship consists of one person making all the effort. One person initiates and interacts while the other makes little to no effort.  The “giver” soon feels neglected and may stop initiating and the relationship becomes strained.  The “taker” selfishly or unknowingly benefits without care or concern of the other person’s feelings. This relationship often ends with a lot of emotional damage.

Traffic flows much smoother and faster on a two-way street. Two-way street relationships are usually healthy, long-term and successful. Yes, there still may be a bump or two in the road every now and then, but it can be overcome by working together and speaking about it openly.

If both people are committed to building a successful marriage, friendship, dating relationship, or work partnership they will seek to selflessly serve the other, as well as mutually benefit. If each individual is interested in helping meet the relational needs of the other, even though they differ from their own, this is a huge step in building and maintaining a healthy relationship. Think about your most positive relationships and I would bet they mirror the two-way street with mutual respect.

Betty Nufer is a community advocate and cheerleader for those who need support getting through the rough times in life. She can be reached at 72bettynufer@gmail.com.

This article originally appeared on The Pueblo Chieftain: Betty Nufer: Communication is a two-way street