When’s the best time to start potty training? An expert weighs in

Does the thought of potty training send you into an anxiety tailspin? You’re not alone. Potty training can be one of the most overwhelming topics of parenting a toddler. After all, they’ve been wearing diapers since the day they were born… how are they suddenly supposed to learn how to use the toilet?

As a pediatric occupational therapist with over 10 years of experience working on potty training with children in their homes, preschools and clinics, I’m here to tell you that I promise it’s simpler than you think.

But it’s key to focus on how to know when your child may be ready to start potty training, what you can do to prepare them, yourself and your home for a smooth experience, and how to dive right in when it’s time.

When is the best time to start potty training?

One of the most commonly asked questions I get about potty training is when is the right age to start. The truth of the matter is that there is no “perfect” age to potty train. Potty training occurs at different times across different cultures and countries. In the US and other developed countries, the use and availability of highly absorbent diapers typically means that  potty training occurs later than it may in other countries. That’s OK!

Typically, in the US, children learn to use the toilet anywhere between 18 months and 3.5 years old, though outliers exist on either end of this spectrum, too. As you can see, this is a fairly wide range. Every child is different—and rushing to potty train sooner doesn’t make you a better parent or your toddler a more advanced child.

The best time to start potty training is truly dependent on your individual child’s development, cognitive skills, personality and history of potty exposure, as well as your willingness as a parent to begin and commit to the process.

Starting too early can backfire and make the process take longer, but waiting too long can make it more difficult as well. For a child without any medical or developmental diagnoses or needs, it is best to start potty training prior to 3.5/4 years of age, as waiting too long can potentially cause more pushback and resistance from some children.

Signs your child may be ready for potty training

There are signs that your child may show you that indicate that they may be getting ready to start learning to use the potty. Here are a few key things to look out for.

Physical signs

• Going about 2 hours in between pees, even some of the time

• Pulling at their wet or full diaper

• Asking to be changed after they poop

• Resisting diaper changes laying down

Cognitive signs

• Showing interest or curiosity in the toilet or bathroom

• Able to follow simple directions (i.e., “Sit down” or, “Bring me that book”)

• Can point to or say simple bathroom-related words

Emotional signs

• Expresses interest in using the toilet

• Is not going through another big life change currently (new school or caregiver, transition from crib to bed, birth of a new sibling, etc)

Note: Not every child will show all of these signs to signal toilet training readiness. Some children show all of these signs very early on, and some may never show any. These readiness signs should be monitored in conjunction with your child’s age and overall developmental level, as well as your willingness and desire to potty train, to determine when the best time is to start.

Preparing for potty training

One of the best things you can do to help the potty training process go more smoothly is to prepare in advance. Months before you plan on potty training, introduce books about the potty to your child. As you read them together, talk about what is happening in the book and how it relates to their body.

Whenever you’re talking about bathroom-related things, make sure to keep your voice and tone neutral and positive. As hard as it is, try not to label their poop as “stinky” or “yucky”, as that will only create more of a negative experience with the concept.

You can also invite your child into the bathroom with you. Talk through what happens, what to do and why. This is a great way to build up their interest in the process.

Lastly, make sure you have the right equipment before you begin. Purchase a small potty or a toilet insert seat (this reel explains which I recommend) and invite your child to start sitting on it (with diaper off!) once per day.

Don’t force them, but include it into their routine at some point. First thing in the morning or before or after bathtime are two times during the day that tend to work well. They may or may not pee or poop in it yet, but simply sitting on it is great practice. (Yes, both boys and girls typically learn to sit at first.)

Addressing setbacks when it comes to toilet training

Even if you do everything right to prepare, potty training can be difficult. You’re not doing anything wrong if your child seems to be struggling. Learning to use the toilet is a brand new skill and it takes time to learn. It can take weeks or months for your child to consistently and successfully use the potty, so you’re not doing anything wrong if it feels hard. Yes—those “3-day weekend” methods may get you off to the right start, but it’s very unlikely your child will be 100% potty-trained in three days. (Just being honest!)

In general, accidents are a normal and expected part of the potty training process. The best thing you can do if and when your child pees or poops in their underwear or on the floor is to react neutrally and calmly. Don’t scold, punish or shame your child for having an accident.

Simply respond with something like “Oh, it looks like you peed. Your underwear is wet. Let’s go get a new pair. Next time, you can get your pee into the potty!” Accidents should decrease over time, though it’s common to see mini-regressions here and there, too.

Another common challenge for many kids is learning how to poop in the potty. For many, poop can feel scary or uncomfortable, and they often prefer to poop in their diaper or pull-up since that is what they are used to. Some children even start holding in their poop if they are scared to let it out in the potty. The best thing you can do is normalize poop and talk openly about what it is and why it’s important to let it out of your body.

A note on when to start potty training

Overall, potty training can feel hard because it is hard! It’s important to remember that every child is on their own timeline and will move through the potty training process in their own way. Children thrive on consistency, routine, and knowing what to expect—so introducing the idea of the bathroom/potty in a low-pressure way long before you officially remove diapers can make the process go a lot more smoothly. And mama: Your child will get there.