Sex toys can play a few important roles in your relationship: They can help you get off when the mood strikes, ensure you’ll reach orgasm, and add an element of spice when you’re getting frisky with your partner. So, while you may have a toy or two for yourself, it’s not a bad idea to think about investing in a sex toy that will work for both of you.
A couple’s sex toy isn’t just about pleasure—although that’s important, too. It can also make you both more in-tune to each other’s needs. “Sex toys can generate new conversations with regard to likes, dislikes, desires, fantasies, and boundaries,” says Jessica O’Reilly, host of the @SexWithDrJess Podcast. “The mere presence of a toy can get couples talking and laughing.”
Couples sex toys also encourage more openness and playfulness in your sex life, says sex therapist Debra Laino, an AASECT-certified sex educator. “Some couples get stuck in boring ruts in the bedroom and because of this they can become complacent with sex,” Laino says. Adding a toy to the mix can change that. “Even if your experience with a new toy isn’t a perfect 10, the associated experimentation, anticipation, and positive nervousness can make sex more exciting,” O’Reilly says.
Plus, using a new toy can help you both discover new pathways to your own pleasure that you didn’t even know you had.
How to choose the best sex toys for couples
Sold on the idea but don’t know where to start? Keep these things in mind when trying to figure out which sex toy is best for your relationship:
Think of what sexual activity gives you the most pleasure: “For example, if you tend to enjoy penile-vaginal intercourse, pick a toy that might enhance this experience, like a vibrating penis ring,” O’Reilly says. “If you love oral sex, consider a toy that simulates a sucking sensation.”
Consider how risqué you want to be upfront: You and your partner might be all-in with the idea of doing something that’s way out of your norm, or you may want to start slow. “If you’ve never tried anal sex but you’re curious, you might consider a starter anal plug or vibe,” O’Reilly says. You can even try something like a vibrating panty toy you wear out in public that your partner controls—if you’re both on board with that.
Go for something that compliments your usual: “If you’re new to sex toys or one of you is feeling hesitant, start with a toy that complements what you already do together as opposed to a toy that would overhaul your usual routine,” O’Reilly says. “Over time, you can add more variety.”
Communication is key: If you or your partner are nervous about trying a toy, it’s important to talk about it, Laino says. You may eventually get to the phase where you just wing it, but “it’s always a good idea to have some type of communication about the use of toys and the experience itself—what was good what was not so good,” she says.
All that said, it can be hard to know where to start. That’s why we consulted sex experts for their top sex toys for couples. Try one (or several) of these out to kick your sex life up a notch.
The Chorus uses a vibrator that fits on you and is controlled by your partner via an app that can be used from anywhere. It’s perfect for long business trips when you can’t be together. “You simply slide your finger along the remote control or squeeze it with your hand to increase and decrease the pressure,” O’Reilly says. “It’s very intuitive and helps to reduce any learning curve if you’re new to vibrators.”
2. Mini Wanachi Massager
This little personal massager is waterproof and it can be used on your clitoris, his testicles, and everyone’s nipples. The bendable head also helps you hit those hard-to-reach places without doing crazy acrobatics. “This is also great to explore where your partner likes to be vibrated,” Laino says.
3. Womanizer Premium Rechargeable Clitoral Stimulator
“This isn’t specifically designed for couples, but they absolutely love it,” O’Reilly says. The vibrator is designed to provide stimulation to the head of the clitoris, but it also feels good along the lips, perineum, and nipples, she says. The Womanizer Premium uses “pleasure air” technology to release tiny waves of air that “create an overwhelming sensation that feels like a cross between sucking, kissing, and licking,” O’Reilly says. It also uses smart, quiet technology that makes the vibe go to sleep when you pull it away from your skin and fire back up as soon as it touches you again. “This feature is great for couples with kids in the next room,” O’Reilly says.
4. Sex Wedge Pillow
Sure, you probably have your go-to sex positions, but using a sex wedge allows you to mix things up a bit and help him go even deeper without any crazy acrobatics. “It really inspires new and more comfortable positions in and around the bed,” O’Reilly says. This one comes with a microfiber cover for easy cleaning. For a more discreet option, O’Reilly recommends using an inflatable version, like this one, to reduce clutter in your bedroom.
5. Lelo IDA
The IDA has a slender arm that is slipped inside to deeply vibrate and rotate while stimulating your clitoris at the same time. You can also use it to target your partner’s perineum. A handheld, wireless remote lets you take turns controlling the pleasure for each other.
6. Sex Stool or Chair
A great way to mix up your sex positions, a sex stool allows you to hover over your partner without putting a lot of weight on your thighs, Laino says. “It’s fun and unique and you can use this in many different positions,” she adds.
7. We-Vibe Moxie Remote and App Control Wearable Clitoral Panty Vibrator
The We-Vibe Moxie is a panty vibrator that’s held in place with the help of a tiny magnet. (O’Reilly describes it as “powerful,” by the way.) It can be controlled with a remote or via the We-Connect app, which allows your partner to work the vibrator, even when you’re not together. “It’s perfect for injecting novelty and risk—whether you’re miles apart or stuck under the same roof,” O’Reilly says.
8. Lelo Oden 2 Couple’s Luxury Vibrating Penis Ring
A vibrating cock ring has two important roles: It helps give him a stronger, harder erection by stimulating blood flow to his penis while the vibrating sensations target your clitoris, Laino says. So, everybody wins! The Oden is coated with soft silicone and is fully waterproof, making it great for shower play.
9. Rosebud Light Aurora Anal Plug
You and your partner can experiment with anal play with the help of this plug. The Rosebud Light Aurora comes in three sizes—small, medium, and large—but Laino says it’s best to start small if you’re new to anal stimulation. “Use lubricant and go slow,” she says. The plug is also nonporous and easy to clean.
10. Spinning Sex Swing
This doesn’t just swing back and forth: It can spin any way you want. The spinning sex swing allows you and your partner get into tricky positions easily and to indulge in zero gravity fantasies. “Lots of my couples are trying these,” Laino says. “These can be fun and give a totally different movement and leverage to sex.”
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