The Best Sex Positions for Beginners
Getty Images / Jo Imperio
There are so many ways to have penetrative sex, and when you're a beginner, it's best to go with positions that are tried and true, without too much fanfare. As a sex educator, I highly recommend getting comfortable with the basics before jumping into anything too intense. (Hello, amazon sex position!)
Even though many magazines, porn videos, and urban legends will tell you otherwise, there is nothing wrong with keeping it simple and mastering the basics — such as these best sex positions for beginners — before jumping into the sexual deep end. Adventurous sex positions are fun, but when you're first starting out on your sexual journey (or perhaps just starting out with a new partner), you have to figure out what does and doesn't work for you. It's all about trying things out and deciding what you're into. (Also worth noting: Penetration isn't the only way to have sex! Hand stuff, oral sex, anal play, even grinding are all valid and super fun ways to have sex, too.)
Why? Well, if you're too busy trying to show off for a partner (and yourself) by bending yourself into a pretzel, you probably won't be able to get into the headspace to connect with your body and have an orgasm. "When you're having sex, you want to be focused on you and your partner's pleasure — not your cramping abs because you're in a needlessly strenuous position," explains Zachary Zane, a sex expert for Lovehoney. "That's why, with sex positions, you really don't need to reinvent the wheel."
Welcome to the world of sexual exploration! Try these five best sex positions for beginners. There will be plenty of time to get creative later.
1. Missionary
Ana Celaya
How to do it: The missionary sex position is pretty straightforward. Think of every movie you've ever seen with a sex scene. "One partner lies down on their back, and the other partner lies on top of them, inserting their penis or strap on," says Zane.
If lying on your back isn't comfortable, take one or two pillows (maybe even a sex pillow) and place them under your bum. Have your partner enter you in missionary, resting their elbows on either side of your shoulders. Take your knees and bring them right along your partner's sides. You should look like you're in the happy baby yoga pose.
Why it's one of the best beginner sex positions: Missionary is one of the best beginners sex positions for anyone who is new to penetrative sex, says Taylor Sparks, an erotic educator and founder of Organic Loven, one of the largest BIPOC-owned online intimacy shops. It may get a bad rep (which it shouldn't), but it works.
"It gives you an almost head-to-toe body connection with your partner along with deep soul searching eye contact and free hands [to grab a butt, breasts, etc.]," says Sparks. "Missionary gives you a sense of security, being wrapped in your lover's arms. Close enough for seductive whispers to be easily heard." Plus, there's lots of room for sexy eye contact. Not to mention, it's easy for the receiving partner (if they have a vulva) to get some super-pleasurable clitoral stimulation if you use the coital alignment technique (CAT). (Reminder: Most vulva-owners need clitoral stimulation to orgasm.)
2. Spooning
Emma Darvick
How to do it: Relax with one arm behind your head for support. "Both partners are on their side and the giver penetrates the receiver from behind," says Zane. You genuinely are spooning each other, only with penetration.
Feel emboldened to get in on that clitoral action. Either partner can reach around and stroke the receiver's clit, or you can grab your favorite wand vibrator and slip it between your legs. You'll be able to rock against the wand while simultaneously enjoying being penetrated by your partner. You can lift your top knee up and maybe even wrap it around your partner if that's more comfortable or provides better clit access.
Why it's one of the best beginner sex positions: "The spooning position is an intimate sex position that allows you to really hold (or be held by) your partner," says Zane. (Helloooo intimacy.)
"Although the eye contact is not there, the closeness can bring you to heights unexpected," says Sparks. "This position also shortens the depth of the penetration," she says, which means you can figure out each other's bodies without the risk of penetrating too deeply (and thus causing pain). If you do want to go deeper, "spooning can easily be transitioned into other positions for more depth," she says. You cannot go wrong with a spoon. It's a true classic. (Want to learn more? Here's everything you need to know about the spooning sex position.)
3. The Rider
Emma Darvick
How to do it: The cowgirl, rider, or cow-person position can be enjoyed by anyone, regardless of gender or genitals. This position (usually) involves penetration, with the person on top (being penetrated) doing the majority of the work. "In rider, the person on top can have their feet planted next to their partner's sides (squatting cowgirl) or they can rest on their knees," explains Zane. It can take some playing around to find what works best for you — you don't necessarily need to bounce up and down or go super fast. Try rocking back and forth, or lowering your chest over your partner for some hot skin-on-skin contact as well as to stimulate your clit by grinding on them. Don't be afraid to experiment! (More here: How to Nail the Rider or Cowgirl Sex Position (and a Few Variations to Try))
Why it's one of the best beginner sex positions: Rider is fantastic for playing with control. As a beginner, it can be beneficial to play with power dynamics in sex to find out what works for you (and what doesn't). "You get to control how deep the penetration is and at what pace you would like to have it," explains Sparks. "Eye contact is still available for deep soul-searching connections." Plus, it offers some clitoral stimulation thanks to the positioning.
4. Lotus
How to do it: Have your partner sit on the bed or couch and straddle them, face-to-face. Rock back and forth with them inside you. You can make out or put your breasts in their face. Instead of bouncing up and down, the person on top moves their hips back and forth in a rocking position. If you're feeling confident enough, bring in a finger vibrator or bullet vibrator into the mix.
Why it's one of the best beginner sex positions: The lotus's true name is "Yab Yum" and is rooted in Tantra, an ancient spiritual belief system that originated in India. The lotus is the bomb.com when it comes to orgasmic positions for people with a clitoris. It gets you up close and personal to your partner for passionate kissing and nipple sucking. Plus, you're directly aligned with your partner's pubic bone for clitoral stimulation, and the rocking movement should come somewhat naturally (read: great for beginners!), versus trying to thrusting up and down. (More here on exactly how to do the lotus, and why it's amazing.)
5. Over the Shoulders
How to do it: The receiver lies on their back with their partner kneeling in front of them. As they penetrate, the receiver can place their knees over their giver's shoulders rather than at your side, like in missionary. The top partner can place their hands on the bed next to their partner or stay kneeling upright. "This variation of missionary helps to better angle the anus and vulva upwards allowing for deeper penetration," says Zane. "The top can also grab the bottom by their hips and really thrust deeply."
Why it's one of the best beginner sex positions: This position is great for beginners because it feels acrobatic without actually being acrobatic. It allows for super-deep penetration and teasing of the G-spot area in an indirect way. It puts a lot of pressure on the internal clitoris, which can feel very pleasurable.
Remember that deep penetration isn't for everyone so if this doesn't feel good for you, communicate with your partner and swap into one of the other beginner sex positions.
Gigi Engle is a certified sexologist and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @GigiEngle.
