The Best Charcuterie Boards for People Who Watch Sports
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Charcuterie boards never went anywhere, but it still feels like they’ve made a triumphant return. Though Delice de Bourgogne feels less decadent in a post-butter board age, the crazing over-grazing that still defines post-pandemic snackonomics has buoyed cheese sales even as inflation has double-buoyed cheese prices (specifically for the soft, smelly stuff). And then, of course, there’s the matter of hardware: the charcuterie board itself. With great provolone comes great responsibility.
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But what separates the creme de la creme of spread spreads? There are ostensibly right answers on offer from the sorts of people that use awful little brass knives that make fresh mozzarella taste like blood, but the truth is that a 2×4 could work with the right goudas. Still, that might fail to impress the guests so it’s best to consider something that ennobles the coffee table. It’s also wise to buy something that doesn’t look absurd beneath a more eclectic selection on, say, Super Bowl Sunday.
The gospel they teach in charcuterie boarding school is that eclectic is key.
“My favorites are flaming’ hot Cheetos with fruity block cheddars, BBQ chips with creamy blue cheese like Maytag and corn chips with soft washed rinds like Taleggio,” says Erika Kubick, author of Cheese Sex Death: A Bible for the Cheese Obsessed. “If the cheese is your appetizer, serve 2 to 3 ounces total per person. If it’s the main course, aim for 4 to 6 ounces.”
For those keeping track, 4 to 6 ounces of cheese will typically take up the size of an appetizer plate, meaning the ideal charcuterie board for a couple is around 8×10 square inches. The ideal board for entertaining runs bigger – think 30×20 or 24×18 for starters. And charcuterie boards will vary massively in price from around $12 to well over $100 in for the showstoppers, regal french oak and olivewood. At a higher price point, boarders are making an interior design decision, not just a moveable feast. More affordable boards get the job done.
The truth, Kubick points out, is that any flat surface can be used as a charcuterie board, but the majority of buyable options stick to wood because it’s practical. If a board isn’t tasteful enough, make a larger statement by going with a cake stand, which is always a neat trick.
Frequently Asked Questions About Charcuterie Boards
Can I just use a serving dish or a large plate?
That’s totally fine, but it takes away a bit from the presentation, which is part of the joy of the charcuterie board. There’s something almost medieval about a well-executed board that speaks to seasonal bounty and good cheer. A plated cheese won’t achieve that effect.
Does the board’s material affect the way the cheese will taste?
Not really, no. Kubick mentions that buyers can pick a board using any materials they please. Just make sure to use different knives per cheese to diminish cross-contamination. Just steer clear of brass, which makes cheese taste metallic because of brass’ resistance to salt. The saltiness in your cheese will rip brass off and leave a mouth full of metal.
Can I prepare cheese on the same board I present cheese?
“Always prep cheese on a separate cutting board, so you keep the serving platter clean and ready for worship,” says Kubick.
What’s a great statement cheese to wow my guests if a well-chosen charcuterie board isn’t enough?
The best way to show sophistication, according to Kubick, is to do the high-low juxtaposition. As mentioned, Kubick specifically recommends stocking BBQ chips alongside a creamy blue cheese like Maytag or corn chips with soft washed rinds like Taleggio. Find more pairings in her book Cheese Sex Death: A Bible for the Cheese Obsessed.
Dois-je faire partie de ces personnes qui prononcent le fromage avec un accent français?
It’s fine to pronounce Boursin correctly, but don’t try to through any top spin on Pont-L’Évêque.
Thirteen Chefs Cutting Boards Acacia Cutting Board
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When picking the best charcuterie board this blue planet has to offer, there are a few things smart shoppers should look out for. How frequently will you actually use it? Can I use it for foods other than cheese? Does it have multipurpose use? If you can answer “yes” to those three questions, you’ve found yourself the best charcuterie board.
Thirteen Chefs’ acacia wood cutting board made for presentation as much as it is preparation. It’s a renaissance board with a multifaceted design, aiding a sexy presentation when serving cheeses and apps while sitting still as an everyday prep cutting board for cooking. It stretches out 17×12-inches, offering an array of space for proudly displaying gooey Bries and chunky cheddars. It’s gimmick-free and comes alongside nothing else aside from a solid construction and visual glam
BEST FOR ENTERTAINING
SMIRLY Extra Large Charcuterie Board Set
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Why It Stands Out: This 16×13-inch board from SMIRLY comes with hidden accouterments, including two extended platforms for more cheese and one extendable compartment that holds an included knife set. It also comes with an added plate for fruits and veggies, which don’t always benefit from rubbing shoulders with a blue.
Coolest Feature: Easily that knife set. That in itself will save some serious cash on knives.
Is it Cheesy?: This is the Ford F-700 of charcuterie plates, which is fine if you really need that kind of capacity, but a bit ridiculous if you don’t.
Hot Take: When searching for charcuterie boards on Amazon, it’s hard to find a competitor of this board. Amazon reviewers rave about this board the way they might their child’s report card. It has a presentation value that surpasses cheesery and alone makes a striking visual. It’s hard to hate a board that does all the work for you.
BEST TWO-FOR-ONE
Besti Rustic Vintage Food Serving Trays
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Why It Stands Out: A long while back, Taylor Swift collaborated with Boys Like Girls for a song titled, “Two Is Better Than One.” They made an inadvertently excellent point about cheese boards. These wooden trays have handles for easy transport from the kitchen to the coffee table with a bordered wall around to minimize spillage on the way there. Because no one loves when the grape display rolls away.
Coolest Feature: Not many charcuterie boards come with handles these days, so that’s a serious standout.
Is it Cheesy: It has that “stolen from the farmhouse” vibe that might not match your aesthetic, but otherwise, these should be considered a simple, not-so-out-there way to serve cheese.
Hot Take: Two charcuterie boards aren’t always needed, but if you host a lot of parties, you should own two charcuterie boards minimum. The best part about these serving trays is that they have a multipurpose feel that allows anything from wings to mini hot dogs a seat on top. Not the same can be said about the above option.
MOST PERSONALIZED
Totally Bamboo Destination State Shaped Serving and Cutting Board
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Why It Stands Out: Come on, it’s home-state-themed! This is the most humble of standouts the world has to offer. It’s the kind of cheese board that sparks conversation outside of the cheese selection.
Coolest Feature: Each state charcuterie board features notable spots from the state, going above and beyond just a funky charcuterie shape.
Is it Cheesy: Absolutely. This is the kind of charcuterie board perfect for gifting someone a little too obsessed with their home state. It’s adorably tacky.
Hot Take: Each of these state-shaped boards will vary in shape and size due to design. Specific states will be found on different Amazon pages, but rest assured that Totally Bamboo does have all states on Amazon.
BEST CIRCULAR
ChefSofi Cheese Board Set
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Why It Stands Out: It’s not every day you catch a cheese board in the shape of a circle. Typically, non-linear shapes make for an uncomfortable shape to present on, but the extendable additives and added tools make ChefSofi a standout.
Coolest Feature: Not only should buyers expect maximized space due to the swing-open top half of the board, but ceramic bowls are included for smaller nuts, fruits and jams. Because a charcuterie board is incomplete without them.
Is it Cheesy: Shape-wise, a circle is a hard sell. It’s cheesy, yes, but it does the trick. It’s aesthetically pleasing without cheese which is always a serious plus.
Hot Take: To reiterate: cheese boards in a circular format are hard to find. It’s like finding a great slice of pizza in Oklahoma.
BEST FOR SMALL PLATES
MONKEY SUN Black Slate Cheese Board
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Why It Stands Out: This was mentioned in the beginning, but cheese boards don’t have to be huge. Smaller options like this striking slate 12×8 four-pack is just enough for sharing smaller plates with a partner for a one or two-cheese-max kinda vibe.
Coolest Feature: These dismiss the need for wood completely, another rarity in the world of cheese boardery. A four-pack is also a nice touch because no one likes doing dishes.
Is it Cheesy: These are probably the least cheesy boards on the planet. They’re entirely gimmick-free and do the deed of cheese serving without looking too out there.
Hot Take: Black slate is a sexy alternative to bamboo and acacias. Sure, these make stellar small cheese plates, but they also have a dual purpose and can be used as appetizer plates for guests. Duality is way too lovely.
Is it Cheesy: Shape-wise, a circle is a hard sell. It’s cheesy, yes, but it does the trick. It’s aesthetically pleasing without cheese which is always a serious plus.
Hot Take: To reiterate: cheese boards in a circular format are hard to find. It’s like finding a great slice of pizza in Oklahoma.
BEST HANDLED
Home Beets Acacia Wood Cutting Board
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Buy Now at sears
Why It Stands Out: There is a somewhat brute, barbaric element to a handled cheese board. It feels like something that should have been served slammed down atop a table in a Medieval Times. With a size at 17×13-inches, getting cheesy with as many cheeses possible is an action made simple.
Coolest Feature: Acacia is simply flawless, but it’s mandatory to call out that handle again. It’s pizza-pie-esque and adds a funky element to the table.
Is it Cheesy: Half yes, half no. Sure, large, wooden handles do have a certain feel to them that can mock a specific vibe, but it doesn’t take us out of the cheese-serving element.
Hot Take: While this one might not be the easiest to store, it might give guests the best visual expected in a gimmick-free cheese board. Personalize it any way needed with all the best meats, cheeses and jams purchasable at the local grocery store.
Hot Take: While this one might not be the easiest to store, it might give guests the best visual expected in a gimmick-free cheese board. Personalize it any way needed with all the best meats, cheeses and jams purchaseable at the local grocery store.
Before You Go…
Cheese and cheese presentation doesn’t have to be as serious as one might think. Learning from Kubick and her book allowed a sense of realization: there’s a lot more clownery going on in the world of cheese presentation than previously thought.
Sure, visually speaking, you want a charcuterie board to look like the best charcuterie board guests have ever feasted their eyes on. The Sistine Chapel of your home’s interior, if you will. Here’s what’s most important to remember, whatever lays on top can be super go with the flow as long as you’re using a board that’s pretty.
Don’t be afraid to fool around with your cheese board. There’s a mimicry that merges childhood foolishness and adult perfection with every placement. Think about it as a sophisticated play. A way to play with your food by creating something spectacular.
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