Being a mom in 2024 is hard. This local group can help carry the mental load

SHREWSBURY ― As Mother's Day approaches, flowers are bought and brunch reservations made, but what many moms really want is to connect with other mothers.

A growing number in Central Massachusetts are turning to MamaConnect, a support group for mothers all looking for a platform to connect with others, as both "parents and people." Created just two years ago, the group now has nearly 400 members and encourages mothers to bond, make deeper connections as women and support one another while realizing it indeed takes a village.

"As women, motherhood is only part of our identity," Kate Hayes, creator of MamaConnect, said. "This group gives moms a safe space to share both their struggles and celebrations, without judgment."

The Massachusetts native created the group in 2022 after moving back to the Bay State from New York City. She began searching for a parent group on social media but only found groups and events that were child-focused, rather than prioritizing mom.

"I had a young daughter and was pregnant with my son and I knew no one," Hayes said. "What's more, my professional life was still in New York, as I work remotely. I was finding all these playdate groups, which is great but it's not easy to form a solid connection on the playground. So, I thought, 'if I'm not finding what I need here, I'll create it.'"

Sara Whitman of Shrewsbury remembers when she first saw a Facebook post by Hayes, putting "feelers out" and asking if there were any local moms who were interested in connecting as moms, as women, as friends and more importantly without their kids.

"I think a lot of moms during and after the pandemic were feeling really isolated," Whitman said. "When I saw Kate's post, it said something like, 'Do any moms want to meet up in-person and connect more than just the small talk?' and immediately I was in."

Hayes herself is a full-time working parent and full-time graduate student and understands the balancing act of being a mother in 2024.

She launched MamaConnect shortly after giving birth to her son, and within a day there were more than 150 local moms signed up. Now that number has swelled to nearly 400, with at least one in-person meet-up scheduled each month.

These in-person get togethers are held at Hayes' home, while she facilitates the conversation. In the future, Hayes said, she hopes to expand these events and potentially host them at local businesses or community spaces.

"I'm a firm believer in community building," Hayes said. "Mothers who attend these groups often tell me that they feel seen, heard, and it's become so clear we're all looking for the same thing. Whatever it is you might be going through, someone else is also going through it too."

Viktoriya Skuz of Northborough has been a member since 2022 after meeting Hayes through an event at their children's day care. As a "younger" mom, Skuz said, many women her age hadn't started families yet, and she had been having a hard time making friends.

"The first group meeting, there was maybe three of us," Skuz said. "Then it began to grow. Now we have lunch together, our kids have become friends, and one mom even hosted a 'Friendsgiving'-type Thanksgiving meal. I would have never met her if not for this group."

"Kate makes it easy to cut right to the good stuff," said Flannery Kearney, who has been a member since February 2023. "The deeper things we ask ourselves and notice as we experience motherhood. It would be hard to get that deep on a playground."

Kearney is a regular face in the monthly meetings and said her biggest takeaway is women can do anything.

"Women are built for deep, quality connections, and it absolutely makes the harder parts of the mom job bearable to know you have a space to cultivate that quality bond with others," she said. "For better or worse, we don't live in villages anymore, but MamaConnect offers a taste of what used to exist there."

Each get-together offers a discussion topic, but mothers are encouraged to share whatever is on their mind. The discussion typically opens with 10 minutes of quiet journaling, often the only 10 minutes of quiet a mother may get that week. Then attendees are invited to share "and either create space for reflections or simply be listened to."

"I know there can be hesitation to go out and do something for ourselves as mothers," Skuz said. "And it's so rare to be able to speak openly and honestly without judgment. You can either ask for feedback or just be listened to. The space is also a great place to ask the questions you might not be able to ask anywhere else."

"They know things even my husband doesn't," Whitman said with a chuckle. "These are my people."

"It's funny, I just posted the June topic of 'Identity Beyond Motherhood,' and within an hour it was full," she said. "A couple of moms just texted me the other day saying, 'Can't wait till our next guts spilling session,' and that's exactly what we do."

To join MamaConnect or learn more about upcoming events, visit its Facebook page.

This article originally appeared on Telegram & Gazette: MamaConnect supports local moms through open and honest conversation