Bebe Rexha Opens Up About Fears of "Going Crazy" Amid Bipolar Disorder Diagnosis

From Prevention

• In a new interview, Bebe Rexha shared her experience with bipolar disorder I and why she decided to reveal her diagnosis publicly.

• The singer didn't want to feel "imprisoned" by her mental health, so she sought help from a therapist.

• Rexha first tweeted about her diagnosis last year and now hopes sharing more about her journey will help "normalize" mental illness.

Bebe Rexha has opened up about living with bipolar disorder I in a new interview with Self. The "I'm A Mess" singer recalled being "very fearful" when she received her diagnosis in April 2019.

"I didn't want to think there was something wrong with me," she told the site. "That was my worst fear all my life: going crazy." Bipolar disorder I is categorized as having severe manic or depressive episodes, according to the National Institute of Mental Health.

Just days after learning she had bipolar disorder, Rexha shared her diagnosis with her fans in a series of emotional tweets. "I don’t want you to feel sorry for me," she wrote. "I just want you to accept me. That’s all. Love you."

The singer said her decision to open up helped her find freedom. "I felt like me opening up to my fans was me finally saying, 'I'm not going to be imprisoned by this,'" she said. "And maybe it’ll make somebody not feel imprisoned, in that moment, if they feel like they’re going through a rough time. That's why I decided to really open up and to free myself from that."

Rexha said she's felt anxious "even as a little girl." "I remember always [being] anxious, scared of what was going to happen. I was so worried all the time," she said. "I still am. I’m scared of everything."

The singer experienced especially difficult mood swings around her menstrual cycle, a condition known as premenstrual dysphoric disorder. "A day before [my period started], I would feel like my world was ending," she said. "I would get into these funks and be really depressed and not want to leave my house."

When she would have a manic episode, the singer "would get super hyper" and "text everybody." "I'd just get sloppy. I couldn't control my emotions, and I was always super anxious, and couldn't sit still," she said. "It made me feel just weird feelings, weird emotions, weird thoughts all the time. Not normal thoughts."

Rexha worried about how having bipolar disorder would impact her everyday life. "It's the war you have inside your head: Will it affect my career? Will people judge me? Will they want to work with me?" she said.

But the "Meant to Be" singer said she decided to seek the help she needed to feel better. She spoke with a therapist and began taking medication. "I felt very sick, and there’s only so much you can take as a human being," she said. "I made an adult decision to take another step to better myself."

Although Rexha admitted that "being in the industry" can magnify her symptoms at times, she's made it her goal to be authentic in her music. "I want to put out a piece of work that I’m truly proud of, start to finish," she said. Rexha's upcoming song features some lyrics about her experience with mental illness.

"It's important for me to laugh at myself sometimes, and also spread information, and normalize it, because it makes me feel better instead of writing a sobby ballad," she said.

"Making it as a female in the music industry and being able to take care of myself… and being able to take care of my parents feels like success to me," she continued. "It allowed me to follow my dreams and believe in myself, allowed me to break the rules."

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