Bans of LGBTQ books erase representation for queer kids. That's why this podcast exists

Ricardo Galaviz is not a "read for fun" kind of guy.

"If you give me instructions for a stereo or something to put together, I'll read that manual cover to cover," Galaviz, the associate director of the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center, said. "But reading for fun? No, that wouldn't be for me."

So when Jim Pounds and JP Der Boghossian — the creators of the "This Queer Book Saved My life" podcast — asked Galaviz to share an LGBTQ-themed book that has inspired him, nothing came to mind right away.

The podcast — which is produced in Minnesota and western Wisconsin — started in 2022 as a response to book bans, school district "don't say gay" policies and other anti-LGBTQ laws that have been implemented across the country over the past few years.

"I want us to put a human element to why these book bans are wrong, that these books are more than just fun or compelling reads, that they can have very real and consequential impacts on queer people's lives," Der Boghossian said. "We thought it would be really interesting to sit down with queer people and ask, 'What was the book that changed everything for you?'"

Pounds and Der Boghossian started emailing Wisconsin and Minnesota members of the LGBTQ community, asking them to share their stories. One of those emails went to Galaviz.

"I started writing an email saying, 'Hey, I wish I could help you out, but I can't really think of anything,'" Galaviz said. "As I was writing that, I realized, wait, there is a queer book that has impacted my life. I was erasing the email as I started really thinking about the book. I started getting teary-eyed, and was like, wait, this is totally a story right here."

'Am I Blue?': A book helps a queer teenager feel less alone

Galaviz remembers his visits to the library as "a queer kid growing up in Milwaukee in the '90s." He used to type "homosexuality" into the library's computer catalog, and be directed to "very dry stuff" — like books about the history of LGBTQ rights and scientific case studies.

One day his search turned up a young adult anthology of stories called "Am I Blue?" The title story, by children's author Bruce Coville, is about an adolescent boy who thinks he might be gay. In the story, the boy meets a fairy godfather who grants his wish that for one day, everybody who is part of the LGBTQ community will turn blue.

"After he makes that wish, there's this 'epidemic' around the world where people have turned blue," Galaviz said. "There are famous people and politicians, and it helps this boy to realize he's not as different as he thought, and he's not alone.

"When I was a 15-year-old queer kid, that was a message I really needed to hear in my life."

When Galaviz's parents found the book in his room, they "flipped out" and made him take the book back to the library. But he returned to the library again and again to read the story. And he wondered, "Why does this story resonate so much with me?"

When Galaviz shared the book with Der Boghossian — who is about the same age and grew up in an environment where people didn't talk much about being gay unless they were using the word as a slur — it resonated with him as well.

"To have had that story in the '90s, if we just knew how many people were like us, that would have been huge for a lot of us," Der Boghossian said.

'It was a cathartic experience to process what that book meant to me'

Galaviz recently shared his thoughts about the book and growing up gay with Der Boghossian during a recording of the "This Queer Book Saved My l\Life" podcast. Coville, the author of the book, also joined the conversation, which is scheduled to post on Feb. 20.

"During the interview, I talked about how much it meant for me to read that book and see I wasn't alone, and Bruce was just so touched by everything I was telling him, and we were both crying, and JP was emotional," Galaviz said, laughing. "It was a cathartic experience to process what that book meant to me, and I didn't expect it to be as profound as it was.

"I got done with the podcast and felt like I went to therapy. In the very best way."

According to PEN America, a free expression advocacy organization, the number of books banned in American public schools increased 33% between the 2021-22 and 2022-23 school years; 30% of those books include LGBTQ characters or themes.

RELATED: New Wisconsin bill targets school librarians for books that some parents consider obscene

Also, during this time, a number of anti-LGBTQ school district policies and state laws were passed. Some limit the ability of teachers and students to talk about LGBTQ people in classrooms, others prohibit students from changing their pronouns or names without parental permission, and schools have required teachers to take down Pride flags and safe space stickers — markers that indicate to LGBTQ students that their teachers are supportive of their identities.

It was in this environment that Der Boghossian and Pounds decided to start their podcast. They tell contributors that queer books are often considered to have saved a person because they "helped you find the language to come out, or to begin your gender transition, or process a past abusive relationship, or navigate homophobia in your family."

'Regular stories about regular kids being regular'

Galaviz thinks there are a few reasons his parents didn't want him to read "Am I Blue?" when he was a kid. First, they were worried about his future as a gay person. He said his dad was a police officer whose experiences with the queer community weren't all that positive.

"I had those voices in my head telling me I wouldn't have a successful future, and I had to tell that inner saboteur to shut up," Galaviz said. "When my parents saw me having 'normal' relationships and seeing me have success, that helped them come to terms with, 'He's going to be OK.'

"But it would have been easier if I didn't have to have them being my first biggest obstacle."

Galaviz also said that when his parents found the book in his room, they interpreted it as something inappropriate for him to read, as something sexual.

The misconception that stories featuring LGBTQ characters are any more inherently sexual than those that feature straight characters is combatted by books like "Heartstopper", a series of graphic novels that portrays a high school friend group of LGBTQ characters. The books have also been adapted into a Netflix series.

"'Heartstopper' doesn't sexualize kids; it's just queer kids being kids, living normal lives," Galaviz said. "I'm starting to see that come up in media more, not just these stories about the queer kid who's going through a bunch of stuff, but like this story of these five kids, and these two are in love and this one is trans and this one is asexual.

"It's just these regular stories about regular kids just being regular, so then when you see those regular people in the world, it's not a shock."

Galaviz pointed out the double standard that exists for queer kids vs. straight kids. He noted that straight kids can "have normal regular high school romantic periods" that start with having crushes, then hanging out on group dates, then having exclusive romantic partners — and that it's all a gradual transition that's accepted by the adults in the teenagers' lives as normal and even cute, rather than demonized as inappropriately sexual.

"For me and a lot of queer people, we don't get to have that normal process of developing feelings," Galaviz said. "You're not even allowed to have those feelings or any type of romance. And then oftentimes it does turn into people getting in trouble on the streets or in parking lots or something because they're not given that safe, supportive environment in which to explore."

'Being invisible is devastating to the spirit'

"Am I Blue?" is in the Milwaukee LGBT Community Center library, along with hundreds of books that tell the stories of queer characters.

"Our books are categorized with different identity markers to point out that this book has bisexual characters or this book has trans characters," Galaviz said. "So people can say, 'Hey, I identify as trans feminine' or something, and we can give them a whole selection of books that can appeal to them."

Galaviz said kids who are part of Project Q — the community center's youth program — often gravitate toward the books in the library. There's a difference, though, from when he was a kid.

"I went to Project Q as a kid, too, but I was sneaking out of my house to go there," Galaviz said. "Now the parents of queer kids are coming here before their kids to check out the space and see the library, or they all come as a family to help the kids find their community.

"This more common acceptance at home is giving these young people the support system they need so they are making less dangerous choices."

That increased acceptance has been heartening to people like Galaviz, Der Boghossian and Coville, who grew up in environments where, as Der Boghossian put it, "our queer culture was completely erased." And they're all the more disturbed by the backlash characterized by taking away LGBTQ kids' books, safe spaces and supportive teachers.

"Being invisible is devastating to the spirit, and this is especially true for the current generation where they're getting stuffed back into the closet after having been given this opportunity to recognize their own reality," Coville said. "It's awful not to have freedom, and it's even more appalling to gain freedom and then have it taken away."

This article originally appeared on Milwaukee Journal Sentinel: Milwaukee LGBT Community Center director shares how a queer book changed his life