‘I’d rather throw it at my in-laws than eat it’: The Telegraph’s annual Christmas cake taste test
Usually I will only tolerate a slice of Christmas cake with a glass of whisky after a bracing dip in a Scottish loch, and I can rarely be convinced to partake in the festive staple otherwise – but might this year’s line-up from the supermarkets and specialist producers tempt me to embrace vine fruits, marzipan and super-sweet, snowy-white icing on December 25?
Morrisons The Best Iced Christmas Cake
£11 for 900g
The soft, spongy icing feels industrially made, while the crumb is dry and plain. Fruit cake is notoriously dry but this takes it to the extreme; I feel parched after just a bite. There’s an artificial-tasting fruit oil in it, too.
Asda Extra Special Brandy-Soaked Fully Iced Fruit Cake
£11 for 907g
There’s a lot of nut, particularly walnut, in here, and, gosh, it’s dense – wet and sticky, with a paste-like texture that’s quite unpleasant.
DukesHill Very Special Christmas Cake 6”
£44 for 1.7kg
Don’t let Granny take this to the table, it’s far too heavy! Not keen on the radioactive, bright-yellow almond paste, and the cake is chewy and granola-like with all the nut and fruit textures. Someone’s creative juices have been unleashed to bad effect.
Sainsbury’s Taste the Difference Frosty Snowflake Iced Fruit Cake
£13 for 900g
The ratio of icing to cake (over-indexing on the former) makes this too heavy on the sugar; the fruit is crowded out. The cake is also plain, with a rather flat flavour. I’d rather throw it at my in-laws than eat it.
Lidl Deluxe Luxury All Over Iced Christmas Cake
£7.99 for 907g
Not keen on the bronze stencil design and the cake is perfectly decent but rather plain; the marzipan at least gives it another dimension. It just pales against the best in the competition.
Mary Berry Iced Fruit Cake Bar
£4.50 for 400g from Iceland
It looks like someone has brought you a slice from a bigger cake they’ve made, which is actually quite homely. The cake itself is dark and bitter, quite old-school, as if it might have matured in someone’s cellar for decades. Short on sugar and long on aged qualities, it is nostalgic at best.
Selfridges Selection Medium Christmas Cake in a Tin
£19.99 for 575g
A bijou option; if it’s your first Christmas with your beloved, this might fit the bill. There are lots of ground nuts and it’s highly spiced, but quite evocative and different – the spice grows and grows, gingery and hot.
Harvey Nichols Fully Iced Christmas Cake
£40 for 1.2kg
So plain it’s clearly intended for your own decoration – or else something has gone terribly wrong. A high ratio of marzipan, and big walnuts, which are pleasant. But the industrial levels of spice and sugar overwhelms.
Aldi Specially Selected Rich Iced Fruit Cake
£8.99 for 907g
With whopping glacé cherries and fruit crammed in, the effect here is powerful – this is a ballsy little number. It’s also very boozy – don’t give it to your children unless you want them to fall right asleep…
M&S Collection Perfectly Matured Rich Fruit Cake
£20 for 1.63kg
The cake is decent and they’ve gone heavy on the fruit, with a natural marzipan flavour that’s warming. The colder the weather, the better this would taste – it’s rich and inviting.
The Fortnum’s Christmas Fruit Cake in a Tin
£35 for 900g
A statement of fruit and nut with a texture that’s more teacake than Christmas cake, but I like it. If you are averse to marzipan and icing, this gently spiced number is for you.
Waitrose & Partners No1 Rich Fruit Cake
£18.50 for 1.5kg
The dainty design cuts the right balance between naff and classy, and it’s well matched by the classic cake inside. A great consistency – added nuttiness saves it from being just an invasion of fruit on the palate.
