The Bachelorette Finale Recap: Andi Gets Slut-Shamed
Finally, the finale has arrived! Josh versus Nick versus the audience, who have three solid hours of something in front of them. Can we all survive to the After the Finale Rose (ATFR) live ceremony?
Hard to say. Things start off with Andi, in a red dress, greeting Nick - it's time to introduce her two final suitors to her family (they've already met Chris Harrison.) Nick looked suave enough but he was "so nervous." "My eye was twitching," he admits, which is not a good look. But the Dorfmans roll with it. He tells Hy, her father, that he loves Andi "a lot" and Andi tells her sister that "this is a guy who sees my entire soul." "He kisses me, like, passionately," Andi continues, something the audience is well aware of, since we have seen Nick and Andi kissing approximately 10,000 times. This brought up a question in my viewing room: Are Nick/Andi especially gross kissers or would anyone seem gross with cameras zooming in?
We'll never know. My hunch is that they are especially gross, though, after Nick awkwardly asks Hy for his blessing in marriage and the couple is reunited on a couch of some kind. Andi bears down on Nick's upper lip as he (incorrectly) claims to have "settled down" over the course of the date. He looks terrified the entire time but the Dorfmans are a forgiving crew.
Next up, Josh gets to meet the fam. He might have an edge with Hy, as the two appear to be wearing matching outfits: silk button-down shirts, big khaki shorts. Josh is also very nervous but unlike Nick, who kind of mumbles, Josh works out his anxiety through talking. And talking. So many words flowed out of his mouth that were impossible to follow, just a jumble of "happy," "love," "wife," "baseball," "Atlanta," and so forth. He does look genuinely happy though, which counts for a lot.
Caftan Time
In a strange editing sequence, we go into the solo date portion of Andi's day with Josh - followed by Andi's date with Nick. It seems like they messed with the chronological order so the audience could directly compare the guys with Andi's family? Anyway, Andi and Josh get on a boat to make out and hug and talk about how much they like Andi's family.
Viewer, I will confess that the next 10 minutes or so were a blur. I mean, it was extremely boring television. Inevitably, the two held hands and jumped off the side of the boat. Is her relationship with Josh too good to be true, Andi wonders aloud for the millionth time. I checked my LinkedIn profile, on purpose, and sent some #TheBachelorette tweets, which always makes me lose followers. The rest of America probably just changed the channel.
Rings and Things
It's time for the guys to pick out engagement rings. Josh stands next to a tree and does a half-push-up. Then he sits down with the creature that is "Neil Lane" of Neil Lane diamonds, and picks out a ring from maybe five choices. Fine.
But. Then. Nick opens the door for his appointment with the ghoulish Neil Lane and it's Andi on the other side of the door! We then cut to the live studio special with Chris Harrison (who has appeared intermittently). There is nothing better than the audience reaction shots from the expertly cast studio audience, composed of slack-jawed, primped women in oddly formal attire, and this is no exception - audible gasps. "What's going to happen next," intones Chris Harrison.
The answer, of course, is that Nick is about to get dumped. But we get to see some former contestants as Chris Harrison relentlessly flogs the Bachelor in Paradise (BiP) spinoff. Farmer Chris is there and gets some screentime, hopefully in preparation for his role as the next Bachelor (Reality Steve has the field down to Farmer Chris and Arie, a racecar driver from two seasons ago.)
OK, back to the real action. Andi comes in, wearing a flowy, flowered dress. "You told me that the last time you got engaged, you woke up and didn't feel like something was right," Andi says, looking down, "I woke up and didn't feel that something was right." ("The last time you got engaged" is a great neg, by the way.) Nick obviously is getting the picture. "I … I can't go through with something that is not right," she says, still looking down.
To hammer home the point, Andi says that she wanted to "have fun and relax" but couldn't. A lifetime with Nick would involve "overanalyzing every single moment." Ouch! Nick zeroes in on what will emerge as the real issue: When did Andi realize this? He clearly feels duped. "I took it that you meant it," he says, speaking of her reactions to his ILUs. "I did mean it!" she says.
"I feel like you took it too far," he says.
It's hard to tell if they only really spoke for five minutes (or less) or if it was edited down, but pretty soon Andi was walking alone to the car, looking more pissed than heartbroken and Nick was packing, throwing a rose (!) in the trash. He looked like a zombie in his limo ride to the airport.
Now, as any reader of Reality Steve knows, there is some additional text here. In an amazing twist of fate, someone happened to be sitting behind Nick on his flight home and took a video of his conversation with someone, where he goes into how he really feels. It is really amazing footage, the Zapruder of reality television. If you haven't already listened, go for it.
Proposal
OK, with Nick out of the way, we can head to Josh's big moment with Andi. He climbs out of a car wearing a suit that is radically too small for him, not a great omen, but I have to admit - the dude is glowing. Immediately upon seeing Andi in an ivory dress with a jeweled neckline, Josh launches into a speech. It's sweet but so rehearsed and long, what should have been a dramatic moment turns into soggy TV. Finally, Andi speaks. "Josh, I loved you since the moment I saw you and spoke to you," she says, which really can't be fun for Nick to hear. "I am madly in love with you!" More kisses and Josh, of course, scoops her into the backwards hug to end all backwards hugs.
Closure or Slut-Shaming?
Back in the studio, Chris Harrison tells us that the story is not quite over - Nick has been desperate to talk to Andi since the season ended, to get answers or something. So, instead of focusing on the happy couple, we get an extended sequence of Nick back in Wisconsin, wandering around a food market alone, staring at the water, etc. His mom gets on camera to talk about how Nick is sad. It's all a bit strange and ... Again, not particularly good TV. This whole finale has felt a bit off its game. What's going on, producers?
Things pick up a bit when we see footage of Nick going to the "Men Tell All" taping, hoping to get some time with Andi. "I'm tired of having conversations with her in my head," he says. Chris Harrison plays go-between, of course, and Andi apparently declined the opportunity to face her increasingly irate ex. A note is passed from Nick to Andi.
So, then, the moment arrives. Nick walks onstage, looking great in a suit. Josh, take notes: This is how you wear a suit. There is some banter between Chris Harrison and Nick, where Nick struggles to articulate exactly what he wants out of this interaction. Does he want to change Andi's mind? Confront her with a particular accusation? It's all very muddled.
And it continues to be muddled when Andi walks out. Dealing with Nick exposed a flaw in Andi's normally charming exterior: She seems genuinely unable to smile and nod and be gracious around this guy whom she rejected. When she dumped him, her attitude seemed oddly harsh to me, maybe too much like a lawyer building a case.
Anyways, Nick continues to stumble with Andi in front of him. "I don't know if you read the letter," he says. She nods that she has. "Thank you, that meant a lot, means a lot." He says. It seems like things are heading speedily towards resolution. "You made me feel like I could feel that love," Nick says, "No matter what happens." But then: "I felt very sure of it. Watching it all back, it's not like it makes sense."
Aha! He feels tricked. Chris Harrison steps in for a redirect. "Did you love Nick or parts of Nick?"
Andi does not mince words. "I was not in love with him. If I felt like I was in love, I would have said that … There was nothing wrong but there was something else that was more right."
And now, we have arrived at the kind of moment that just makes slogging through countless hours of Bachelor programming worthwhile.
"If you weren't in love with me," Nick says, "I'm not sure why you made love with me."
OK THEN. So many things to unpack here. Andi, of course, looks aghast. "That should be kept private," she mutters. Nick, now empowered, continues to press his point that she knew how he felt and had her way with him. "I didn't have any expectations of that night," he says, "That was fiancé type of stuff."
This kind of statement exposes huge holes in the fabric of the show. The whole "journey to love" is based on a strange chastity, with one exception: the "Fantasy Suites." Was it right or good for Nick to reveal on live television that they boned right before or after she had sex with her now-fiancé? No, of course not. He was clearly slut-shaming. But also, did Andi lead Nick on? It would seem that way, since he was dropping ILU bombs left and right. But she made a good point: "I didn't have you pick out a ring. I didn't have you walk down there and think you were gonna propose to somebody," she said. "I did that out of respect for you."
The rest of the show is basically a wash. Josh shows up, he and Andi hug and smile and talk about the magic of going around the world to meet someone who lives five minutes away, but Nick has effectively stolen the show. Even a last minute appearance by Grumpy Cat can't wash away the sour taste of reality on reality TV. And thank god for that! The sexual politics of The Bachelorette are fascinating and, to my knowledge, this is the first time that actual sex has been directly addressed. The closest we came was Juan Pablo slut-shaming one of his ladies last season, after they cavorted in the water - but even that was heavily cloaked in aphorisms. Nick's attempt to embarrass Andi might have been childish, crass, wrong, misogynistic, but it was undoubtedly real. And a great way to close out the season. That's a wrap!
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