We asked the experts for their best sex tips

·5 min read
 Montage of three pictures (L-R): picture showing feet of couple who are hanging out in bed; a blue vibrator against a pink background; couple embracing each other in a candlelit room
Montage of three pictures (L-R): picture showing feet of couple who are hanging out in bed; a blue vibrator against a pink background; couple embracing each other in a candlelit room

What are the best sex tips you've ever heard? Between podcasts, TV and movies and TikTok, you've probably heard quite a few...

From experimenting with fruits (Girls Trip taught us!) and the best sex toys (thank you Sex & The City's Samatha Jones), to other kinky quirks that have been sworn to leave your legs shaking after sex, it feels as though the advice is endless when it comes to leveling up in the bedroom. So much so, that it can be hard to differentiate fact from fiction, which is why we had to get some experts to set the record straight.

Firstly, it is important to understand that there is no rule for all when it comes to sex. Different people get turned on by different things and while we do have many of the same pleasure points as humans, what 'good sex' looks like varies (how long should sex last is the age-old question). However, that's not to say there aren't some golden rules that can help you out.

Whether you're single or in a relationship, we spoke to a group of sex experts and influencers who narrowed down their top tips for the ultimate sexual experience. Brace yourself because this is about to change your life...

The best sex tips from the experts

  1. Excite your senses

  2. Explore new arousal areas

  3. Slow it down

  4. Use sex toys

  5. Play around with sound and light

  6. Try tantric sex

couple laughing in bed - stock photo
couple laughing in bed - stock photo

1. Excite your senses in more ways than one

According to Isabelle Uren from Bedbible.com, touch isn’t the only sense that can be satisfied during sex. In fact, invigorating other senses such as smell, hearing, and sight can make the experience even more pleasurable.

"Experiment with soft dimmed lighting and your favorite sexy playlist in the background—this is something you could work on together," she says. "Use candles and wax burners to fill the air with sensual scents—rose, vanilla, and sandalwood are all smells claimed to work as aphrodisiacs. Blindfolds are commonly associated with the acts of BDSM, however, their addition can intensify your sensory experience during sex."

2. Explore arousing new areas

Like Uren's comments about the importance of exciting your senses, sex expert and writer Andy Jones says exploring new areas of your body with sensory pleasures can be a complete game-changer.

"It's crazy human beings have such basic attitudes to erogenous zones. We assume that it's basically genitals or nipples," he says. "There is incredible sensory pleasure to be found on the sides of the ribcage, on the undersides of your breasts, the backs of your elbows and knees as well as your neck and plenty of other places. Take time to explore."

3. Take it down a notch

We know that sometimes the sexual tension can be a little too much, and all you want to do is rip off each other’s clothes and get right down to it. But slowing it down a little bit can make the sex even better than you’d imagined, adds Uren.

"Slowing everything down by gazing into each other’s eyes and taking slow synchronized breaths before slowly building up to foreplay, with longer touches, kisses, strokes and licks can build an even deeper connection between you and your partner(s). See how long you can make it last before giving in."

Similarly, Jones believes delaying penetration (if that's the kind of sexual activity you're building up to) can be key. "We've all spent a year with reduced physical contact, but delaying penetration by just a delicious few moments you can send both of you into ecstasy," he explains.

"Instead of rushing right in, agree to hold off on penetration for as long as you both can manage it, and that includes entry for fingers and tongues. Instead, work on the edge of bliss tracing a digit, tip or tongue around every edge, hot spot or zone before diving in."

4. Sex toys aren't just for self-pleasure

Woman lying on bed with legs in air
Woman lying on bed with legs in air

Some people might think that sex toys are just for pleasuring yourself when you’re alone in your room (many still keep them hidden at the back of drawers from our partners, *sigh*) but that's far from the truth, says Uren.

"Sex toys can be used to add even more excitement and stimulation during sex and foreplay between you and your partner," she explains. "Shopping for them together can also be the ultimate bonding experience. Looking at all the exciting options you might find yourselves getting pretty excited for how you’re going to use them later on and even learning more about each other and what you’re into much more than you thought."

(Psst: Try one of the best app-controlled vibrators for an even better experience...)

5. Play around with sound and light

Let's get one thing straight: sensory deprivation doesn't necessarily mean you're going full-on S&M. "Blindfolds, or even just backing out all light in the bedroom, can take your sensory experience up a notch," says Jones. It is scientifically proven that reducing vision or sound can make your nerve endings more sensitive and concentrate your arousal to an even more intense degree.

6. Get tantric

"You don't have to be an expert in tantric sex to enjoy some of its basic gifts," says Jones. "Too often people approach achieving orgasm as if it's something to rush to, that unless an orgasm is reached at express speed somehow we're doing it wrong. Do it right, all night. Consider your arousal in grades: 0 being not aroused at all, 10 being orgasm. Ordinarily during sex, too often we sprint through 4-5-6-7-8. Instead, enjoy the sensation of being at 6-7-8. Take it slow. Bring it back. When you reach that ten, it'll be a perfect ten."

Here's to plenty of perfect tens for everyone!