"He Asked If I Could 'Keep The Baby In' Because He Couldn’t Leave Work": 17 More People Are Sharing When They Realized They Had Children With The Wrong Person

A little bit ago, I asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell me their experiences with realizing they had chosen the wrong person to raise a family with. So many people were willing to share their stories, I knew I needed to continue to share their experiences. You can check out the original stories here.

Here's some additional experiences people were willing to share about realizing they had chosen the wrong person to have children with:

1."The first hint was when I came home and he and a woman whose car he was fixing were coming from upstairs. The second hint was when I had a gallbladder attack and he left me in the emergency room for three hours alone and picked a fight the next day before I was about to go into emergency surgery."

2."He complained about financially supporting me even though we were married, living apart, both active duty in the military, and he made more money than me. He didn’t understand why he had to help buy baby items. He came to visit once and went through my pantry and said, if I only bought generic food, then he wouldn’t have to help."

—Anonymous

3."I was about 37 weeks pregnant and working four to five 12-hour shifts per week as a registered nurse. He was unemployed. I came home from work and told him I would be induced in two days due to some pregnancy complications. He looked at me and said, 'Can they change it to Friday? I have tickets to see the new Marvel superhero movie on Thursday.' Unfortunately, things got worse from there. My kids and I are doing fine now. But that was definitely the moment."

4."The moment that made me realize I had chosen the wrong person to raise a family with was when I found out my husband was gay. He later confessed that he thought having a child would make him straight."

—Anonymous

5."When our child was younger, she wanted to be a doctor. I ordered her a junior medical book, and when it arrived, she read the book all day. She proudly shared all she learned with me and could not wait to share it all with her father. When he got home, she eagerly showed the book and began sharing what she read. Before she could say much, he stopped her and declared that he already knows everything medical and she’s wasting her time. She was seven!"

6."We had just had our second child and were preparing to move to a different state. It was a lot going on all at once. My husband at the time attended a going-away party with his work friends, which I could not attend because I had just had a child. When I took his clothes out of the hamper the following day, they reeked of perfume. I stupidly thought he had just hugged a lot of nice-smelling people at his party. Fast forward a month, and we're living in a new state, in a hotel, while our house is being completed."

"We had a three-year-old and a three-month-old, and it was not easy to be stuck in a hotel room, so I took the kids to visit my parents, and that way, my husband could focus on his new job. While the kids and I were gone, a woman he had worked with at his previous job came to visit him. She flew to visit him from the state we had just left. I received a phone call from my husband telling me I should probably not return and just continue to live with my parents. He had started an affair, probably before we moved, and was planning to be with the new woman. All my furniture and belongings were in storage at the new location. I had just given birth to our second child, so I wanted to save my marriage. I went back, I tried hard, he continued his affair, and I finally took the kids and started over. It was the best decision I ever made to leave someone who had so little regard for two innocent, sweet little boys."

—Anonymous

7."When I was in labor with our youngest, he drove 15 miles per hour under the speed limit to the hospital, all the while berating me for wanting to have a normal delivery instead of having another c-section. When we got to the hospital, he spent the entire 12 hours sitting in the corner with his hood up and arms crossed, sulking. No support, no encouragement. I felt so alone."

8."The night I was going to be induced to deliver my first child, I found my husband curled up in the bottom of the shower, bawling his eyes out because I told him to tell his parents not to bother coming to the hospital AT MIDNIGHT. I felt like I was an awful person and that I made him feel that way, but I was wrong. He was afraid to say no to his parents because he was used to doing whatever they wanted him to do."

"He also wasn't used to being with someone who wasn't okay with that kind of passive behavior. I wish I had known his parents still held that much power over him, specifically his mother. He tries to use her shaming tactics on me, but they don't work on me. She gave up trying to control me a long time ago because I didn't engage with her. You can't control someone who sees your game and won't participate. He also won't enforce rules, limits, or bedtimes. He is inconsistent with enforcing hygiene and homework. He doesn't back me up when I try to discipline, and when he does 'try' to discipline, he does it when he's angry. He becomes very insulting and verbally abusive, probably because that's what he grew up with. So many regrets!"

—Anonymous

9."I was in early labor in the hospital with baby number two and asked my partner to walk the hallways with me so I didn't fall or anything. He got so mad that I interrupted the video he was watching and refused to walk with me. He killed the vibes for the whole labor and delivery. Then I almost hemmoraged out and had to be rushed to the OR, and he didn't seem to care that I almost died. Unbelievable. It took me four more years before I kicked his worthless ass to the curb. The kids and I are so much happier without him!"

10."A few weeks after my daughter was born, he left his backpack at home, and I had a gut feeling something was up. Sure enough, there was a burner phone in the pocket. He had an entirely different persona that he'd built in order to cheat. The worst was the text to his coworker the morning our daughter was born about how he went home to take a shower and masturbated thinking about her while I was in the hospital, almost dead on magnesium for my eclampsia."

—monkeybuttmom

11."I realized the moment I was in a Lamaze class and I was kicked out for not having a partner. I needed a partner to sit from behind, hold the pillow, and help with my breathing techniques. I begged and pleaded with my partner for months to go. He would instead choose to work on cars, hang out with friends, and watch TV instead of going to this birthing class with me. I was so embarrassed; I couldn’t partake in the class if he wasn’t there."

12."I worked at a hospital as a nursing assistant. I did 12-hour shifts three days a week. He was constantly pushing me to work extra days. My daughter was 14 months old at the time. I came home from work; it was 7:45 p.m., and they were both asleep. Her diaper was soaking wet, and she was starving when she woke up because I needed to change her diaper. He told me she hadn't wanted to eat all day."

"This was the first time she had asked to eat. He then told me he had had her all day and that it was my turn to take care of her. He then got out of bed, fixed himself something to eat, and got on the computer to chat with his friends. He wasn't working, didn't do housework, and stayed up all night. I moved out two months later, and he was upset because I ruined his life. He doesn't have a relationship with his daughter. That was his choice, not mine. I know I made the right choice, seeing as how the only time he talks to his daughter is if she calls him."

—Anonymous

13."I realized that I had chosen the wrong person to raise my family with after being a single mom up until my children were teenagers, and I married someone that I thought would be caring, a positive role model, and an engaged stepparent. However, he turned out to be envious and jealous of the relationship my children and I had established. Also, he was mentally, emotionally, and physically detached! It was total hell and caused emotional scarring."

14."As I lay in a hospital bed, waiting for my husband to get there on baby number three, I realized I had done all three pregnancies alone. I was exhausted from having a child who needed weekly doctor visits and treatments (cancer). I was raising them alone. I was going through the motions alone. I was doing everything alone."

"He would leave for 9–12 weeks at a time and come back for one to two weeks. He was making more money away, so he claimed, but I realized not only was I raising three babies, but I was also paying for everything (yep, I was still working full-time with three kids; I balanced everything alone, and literally the day before I had our last child, I was still working). So where was this money that he was supposedly making for 'us?' That’s when I realized he would spend more money going out to bars, places to eat, buying booze, and living a single life while I was paying for and raising our kids. After the third baby, we lived like roommates for another five years before we separated. What a waste of 20 years."

—Anonymous

15."I had preterm labor starting at four months. Bed rest was required but not possible due to my ex’s work schedule and having two small children at home. I went into labor at seven months and required an emergency c-section. I called my then-husband, who was working in another state. He asked if I could 'keep the baby in' because he couldn’t leave work. Yeah, the red signs were already there, but when my L&D nurse (who had heard the conversation) had to hang up the phone for me because I was sobbing, that was the nail in the coffin."

16."I (34F) realized I was in trouble when I was about 6 months pregnant, and one day my partner (35M) looked at me with such anger in his eyes and said he could not raise a baby because he wasn’t ready and that I had chosen the wrong time to get pregnant. I wouldn’t have thought it was more than cold feet if it wasn’t for the look that came with it. It shook me to my core. It was as if he was telling me that I was ruining his life. I actually felt unsafe for a split second."

"But at that point, I felt like I was in too deep and just tried to ignore my gut feeling that was telling me I was in trouble. The next three months of my pregnancy were a mix of emotions, but still with a lot of anger. Once the baby came and we both realized it was more work than we thought, I was constantly blamed because 'I wanted it.' Fast forward: the baby is now 14 months old, and although he has come around to loving the baby very much, he still blames me for our relationship changing and tells me that my attention is not on him anymore (no shit). Not to mention, he helps very little, and it’s mostly my mom and I caring for the baby. Yeah, we’re still together, but I don’t think I can take it much longer. I think I need to trust my gut."

—Anonymous

And finally, this daughter decided to share her mom's story on her behalf:

17."I'm the daughter of a single mother. My parents split when I was one, but my mom (who passed away in 2020) always said she knew things were over when she told my dad she was pregnant, and he didn't even look up; he just told her, 'I knew it would happen sooner or later.'"

Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.

If you are concerned that a child is experiencing or may be in danger of abuse, you can call or text the National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-44531-800-422-2253 (4.A.CHILD); service can be provided in over 140 languages.