Can Artificial Intelligence Help Get You a Date?

Rae Witte
·5 min read

Photograph: Getty Images; Collage: Gabe Conte

Technology has permanently changed the experience of finding love. And although the Tinder “swipe,” which was introduced a decade ago, has come to stand for the new era of internet-enabled dating, in some ways the bigger change has been what comes after a match: a text conversation. For many single people it has been going down in the DM since the chatroom era, and these days, most romance happens in written-out digital communication before it migrates offline. The most important hurdle when deciding whether to meet up—then maybe make out, meet the parents, raise a family? How good you are at texting.

Now, there’s an AI for that. A new app, Rizz, markets itself as a “dating assistant” for “generating engaging openers” to send to dating app connections and producing “tailored responses” when chatting with a prospective partner. Other AI applications like YourMove and Winggg make similar claims, but Rizz, which was named for Gen-Z slang for charisma and charm, appears to lead the category. The app is available for Apple and Android devices, and it offers a few options to up your digital banter game. Users can try one-size-fits all pickup lines at the click of the button, generate more customized messages by uploading the dating-app profile of a match, and get on-the-fly responses to a screenshot or transcript of a text conversation There’s a one week free trial, and after that it costs $70 for a year.

Rizz co-founder Roman Khaves said there’s a huge need for the app. “Online dating is tough for guys—and for girls. But I would say more for guys because they make the first move on dating apps,” he told GQ. On Reddit, the app’s founders noticed a Tinder community with over 5 million members. “The majority of the members are guys that are just sharing screenshots and asking for help, like, ‘how should I respond?’”

So, with great skepticism, I decided to see if the AI could run game on me. I had a very brief stint on Feeld during the summer of 2022 before I met someone the old fashioned way. At the time, this was my bio.

Mouthy, but I'm a great listener. I'd like to end up in something monogamous and would like you to be open to it, but l'm not so much into marriage or forever. I prefer to date someone that's a little ran through and is deeply aware of what they want and what that looks like.

I'm tall and it'd be nice if you are too. I do words for a living, so clear communication is my favorite.

I'm very into finding new ways to relax and prefer to be outside in the sun. I kinda hate reality tv (the secondhand embarrassment kills me).

Vaxxed, and that and other disease prevention is important to me. No Trump supporters.

Desires: singles, dates, dominant, fun, sensual

Interests: Writing, Music, Beach, Pools, Wine, Walks, Ice Cream

So, how would AI try to bag me?

“Sounds like we have some common interests and priorities.”

“Sounds like we have a lot in common, word lover.”

“Mouthy, eh? Let’s communicate with kisses instead.”

“So, are you looking for someone who’s tall, ran through, and hates reality TV, or is there more to the story? 😏”

Under no circumstances would I ever entertain responding to any of these messages. The first two are statements and observations. The third is disgusting. And, the last one, despite being objectively the best of the bunch, is really just a regurgitation of my bio.

That’s not to say I’m so picky! Simple first messages tailored to my bio that would work better might be, “When you say ran through, what do you mean? Lol,” “What type of wine do you like?”, “What’s your favorite ice cream?” or “What’s your favorite beach in New York?” These are not rocket science, but they do open up the conversation, set the person up to learn more about me, provide a potential opportunity for them to share their favorite ice cream or wine. True rizz requires patience, charm, and the ability to read the room. Coming out swinging on the first message is the digital equivalent of the guy hollering at every single woman that walks by.

I went on to upload a selection of crowdsourced dating bios from both men and women that ranged from conservative, Southern singles to artistic, sober city-dwellers. There were parents and people in open relationships across apps like Feeld, Tinder, Bumble, and Bloom. Perhaps my standards are sky high, but these suggestions in response to the uploaded bios are not worth the subscription fee.

“Well, looks like we’ve got ourselves a checklist!”

“Sounds like you’re in for a wild ride, but I’m not sure if you can handle it.😏”

“Open relationships can be interesting. What’s your favorite love language?”

“If you’re into fitness and being healthy, does that mean you can deadlift my heart?😉”

“So, when you say ‘artistic side,’ are we talking finger painting or full-on interpretive dance?😜”

“Jesus lover who cusses a little? Let’s make holy mischief together!”

The app’s team of dating coaches working on the rizz itself are all men, and it shows. These are impersonal, cringey, and funny—and not in a laughing with you type of way. In fact, I’d screenshot and send these to the group text immediately.

This might go without saying, but dating app conversations should include curiosity and an exchange of information about each other rather than lame innuendo or reductive observations about what someone shared on their bio. Every single suggestion gave me the ick.

Somehow, the general pick lines manage to be worse, trending towards sexual harassment.

“I want you to be the girl who takes my virginity.”

“Did you sit on a pile of sugar? ‘Cause you have a pretty sweet ass.”

“I want to wear you like a pair of sunglasses… One leg over each ear.”

“Nice dress. Can I talk you out of it?”

Now, I know that on some level, rizz is a bit subjective—to each their own, right? So I will just say, for me personally, artificial intelligence “rizz” is soulless. If you’re comfortable being a “good morning beautiful” text sender to every girl you match with, the app can help you securely stay on the path of mediocrity. Right now, it’s not good for much else.

There is, of course, the possibility that these apps will improve. Last year’s version of Chat GPT would flunk the most common bar exam. The latest, which was released in March, passed easily. Given the rate of progress, maybe a language model will be able to generate guaranteed panty-droppers. Anything is possible.

But even the best AI messages would miss the whole point of spitting game. Whether you’re after a long-term relationship or just trying to hook up, real rizz is about is demonstrating that you understand someone, and checking to see if there’s alignment. If you’re outsourcing this to a computer, you’re just postponing the inevitable moment when it becomes clear it’s not a fit.

If you’re frustrated about the app dating game, which is legit and understandable, the only way to do better is to be better. Get to know yourself and what you want in your dating life, and learn how to carry on a conversation—rather than depending on a machine that doesn’t know sunglasses have arms, not legs.

Originally Appeared on GQ

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