'This Is Us' Tells the Heartbreaking Truth About Toby
I find it interesting that This is Us has followed up last week’s “Vietnam” narrative, which centered the elusive Jack Pearson, with this week’s equally crushing unveiling of Toby’s story. Both men have been revered as genuinely good souls with hardly a problematic bone in them, though as we learned last week, Jack’s image was very intentionally self-made. This week we learn that Toby’s was as well, as his tragic backstory comes barreling to the forefront.
Here are all the most important revelations from tonight’s episode.
Toby was a bit awkward and insecure growing up.
As much as I’ve enjoyed Toby and his impossibly sweet and eager-to-please behavior, I’ve always assumed he was compensating for something-and that it had nothing to do with his weight. Though we were first introduced to him at a weight-loss class with Kate in the first season, his weight-unlike Kate’s-has never really seemed like his full story. As we learn tonight, his lovable wisecracks go back to his childhood as a nerd (he was totally into cosplay!) and trying to get people-including his parents-to simply like him. His parents were unfortunately always at odds, which created tension in his house and made him want to be that much more likable. You know, to keep them busy. That failed. His parents divorced when he was around ten years old.
But before Toby’s dad took off, he gave him a lasting piece of advice.
This particular flashback scene can’t be more than two minutes long, but it's reminiscent of something Jack’s dad told him when he was around the same age. Toby’s dad is packing up all his things, and he notices little Toby standing in the bedroom doorway with tears in his eyes. Toby's dad doesn’t give him a hug, and he doesn’t do much to reassure him, other than briefly mentioning they’ll still see each other, without making any definite plans.
Rather, the man tells his son he better get his emotions in check because “it won’t fly when you’re grown.” As we know from both Jack and Toby’s stories, the two wear their hearts on their sleeves, traditional masculinity be damned. But the very thing that motivates them is the one thing their fathers hated more than anything else.
Toby has never been able to handle his emotions.
It’s like his dad telling him to control his emotions jinxed them for good. As Toby grew up, his emotions became less and less manageable and started taking antidepressants. He was unable to sustain his marriage with Josie, with tonight's episode flashing back to the dissolution of their relationship. Toby's begging her to stay and she refuses to even consider it, which sends him into a tailspin.
And speaking of meltdowns, he completely spins out in the present day, as he succumbs to the effects of his medicine's withdrawal while Kate tries to become pregnant. It gets so bad that at one point, he tries to get back on his meds without telling Kate or his doctor-he just goes to the pharmacy an asks for an interim pill. The pharmacist declines, of course, advising him with concern to consult his doctor.
Some good news: Kate finds out she’s pregnant. The bad news: Toby has a meltdown right after.
More good news: Kate discovers the effects of Toby's withdrawal and quickly calls his doctor to get them an appointment. More bad news: Toby is obviously not doing well, and right when Kate needs him most. The scene we see today is the one previewed in last season’s finale episode, which makes me think this is only the beginning of a possibly long decline with Toby. I also fear that maybe Kate won’t carry this baby to term and she is the one who ends up in the hospital in the scenes depicting the future. I don’t know. Like the pharmacist with Toby, I have grave concerns for this couple. I hope I am proven wrong.
In other news...
We get closer to finding out how Rebecca and Miguel got together.
I know I should probably get over my disdain for Miguel, but I just can't get over him marrying his dead best friend’s wife-who was his own ex-wife’s good friend! Call me crazy, but I believe in principle. One of the reasons this may be a tough hurdle to overcome is the fact that Miguel doesn't have a voice in this narrative. Maybe-and this is a big maybe-if I knew something more about him, I could move toward forgiving him.
We learn more about Rebecca and Miguel's relationship in this episode, as we see him offer his support in the immediate aftermath of Jack's death. A quick flashback reveals that Jack told Miguel he wanted his best friend to take care of his family if, say, he were "hit by a bus one day.” So, after Jack's death, Miguel starts coming by to fix things like the refrigerator, and even drops off little gifts...like a piano. Okay, obviously a piano is no small gift, but because Kate and Rebecca are both musically inclined, he must've thought having the instrument in their home would ease some of their pain. He also provided support for Kevin when he came home drunk on prom night. He even tries to replicate one of Jack’s all-knowing dad speeches with Randall, who comes early after his white girlfriend Allison's dad rejects him at the door. But that’s a whole other story.
So, let’s get into that: Randall is looking to other people to tell him his place.
I keep going back to that scene between Randall and Deja’s mom in jail last season, when he tries to explain to her all the great advantages he can provide for Deja-the good school, the good home, and a pair of financially stable black parents. It’s a proud, confident moment for Randall, because he owns his blackness as an extension of his dignity in that scene, something he seems to have been struggling to reconcile since he was a child.
As we saw in tonight's episode, Randall was rebuffed at Alison’s house and mopes back to his own home only to meet Miguel, who at this point is always lurking around. Randall tells him what happened with Alison’s dad and Miguel tries to bond with him over their shared experiences: Miguel was born in Puerto Rico, and when he moved to Pittsburgh, the kids called him Ricky Ricardo. But Randall is not trying to hear this story because 1) He’s not ready for Miguel to step in as Jack 2.0 and 2) He thinks he’s got the situation handled.
And that's exactly what's going on with Randall now, as he’s running for city council and trying to dethrone the district’s longtime council member. He still thinks-probably because of his privileged (read: white) upbringing-that he can fix this community, make it more like neighborhood he grew up in, with its picket fences and nice, safe black people like himself.
What Randall has failed to realize is that he was virtually the only black boy in his neighborhood, and the one he’s running to represent is nothing like the one in which he grew up. So, when he starts his campaign speech at a local restaurant, he’s heckled. To the constituents, Randall is a white man with a black face, trying to run them out of their own neighborhood with his idealistic “fixes.” They tell him to “go back” to where he came from, and right on cue, he asks them to tell him where that is. He’s decades past growing up under a roof with his white family, yet this remains a question for him, even though he has a beautiful black family of his own.
Meanwhile, Kevin gets a real primer on racism from Zoe.
Despite all odds, Zoe and Kevin are still hanging tough, and she’s standing by him as he embarks on his quest to learn more about his dad's time in Vietnam. The couple takes a road trip to meet one of Jack's fellow soldiers, and along the way, Zoe realizes that she forgot her silk pillowcase, a huge faux pas for black women, because without one, our hair can become very dry. Kevin hears her quietly freaking out about this and he shakes it off, accusing her of being too good for hotel sheets. She decides to say nothing further about it. Then, they go into a convenience store. Kevin walks up to the cash register to start checking out, as Zoe trails behind. When she tries to add her stuff to the counter, the cashier tells her to back off, assuming she's not with Kevin. Oblivious, Kevin assures the clerk they’re together, while Zoe throws her a stank eye.
Despite these moments, Zoe comes to terms with the fact that she really likes Kevin-he special-ordered her a silk pillowcase, after all-and decides to tell him her true feelings. She clues him in about what he failed to see at the store and why the pillowcase is so important to her. It’s hard to really describe what Kevin’s reaction is, because it seems to be a blend of shock and sympathy. And maybe that’s a good thing? What’s interesting about this is what we already know about Kevin’s not-so-distant past as an entitled white guy who hurled casual micro-aggressions his brother's way. This is why I’ve always been worried about Zoe and Kevin together. She admits in this episode that she has neither the time nor patience to explain racism and how he may have contributed to it in the past. But, we’re supposed to be moving forward in Kevin’s narrative, and to his credit, he seems to have become far more self-aware than he was before, and definitely more compassionate. We’ll see what happens.
This brings us to Kevin’s quest to get closer to Jack-and now, Jack's mysterious relationship with a woman in Vietnam.
Kevin traces a picture of Jack from his Vietnam days to the home of one of his fellow soldiers. The conversation is pretty coded for the most part, except that we learn for sure that Jack was a squad leader who helped saved the soldier's life in the war. I’m guessing this is the man Jack had helicoptered out after he was wounded in last week’s flashback episode. He also confirmed what I’ve been saying for a while now: after the war, Jack was very intentional about what stories got told about him, and he hid what he was unable to confront. So before Kevin walks out the door, the man gives him a letter that includes a photo of Jack with a mysterious woman in Vietnam. We don’t find out what the letter reads or who this woman is, but something tells me a huge bombshell-pun not intended-is about to hit the Pearsons.
Kate gets closer to her musical ecstasy.
At least, I hope so. I just want Kate to find some peace-from anywhere. After that great, long chat she had two episodes ago with her younger selves, I do think Kate is well on her way to chasing happiness, for perhaps the first time in her life. This episode confirms music often provides that joy, with Kate having a real Adele moment, right down to the sequined dress and bouffant blonde hair, as she fittingly belts out “When We Were Young” for an Adele-themed gig.
I love this moment because it serves as a nice montage alongside scenes of her and Rebecca sitting together at the piano in their new home. Rebecca tries to encourage Kate to sing, but she can’t find it in herself to do so. Remember: this is soon after we learn that Kate did not submit her application to Berklee College of Music. Rebecca said then that when Kate's ready to release her joy, she’ll find her voice again. And she did, years later. I just hope she continues on this path.
Beth, on the other hand, is spiraling.
This was a surprising moment from the episode, because Beth has always been presented an firm and confident-Randall’s even better half. But tonight we see her struggle, during a job interview of all places. After losing the position she had for 12 years two episodes ago, Beth is back on the job hunt and seems poised to lock down another position when she completely fumbles while in conversation with her prospective employer. She starts stuttering and choking on her words and has to excuse herself. Yet we know she shows up for Randall’s campaign speech at the restaurant later, looking, as usual, like his rock. I hope she’s okay. But what if Beth is the one in the hospital in future? Please, don’t let it be Beth.
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