It's Been a Minute, Julia Roberts
First of all, thank you so much to People Magazine for giving us all a reason to think about Julia Roberts again.
Second of all, why aren't you thinking about Julia Roberts on a regular basis already? Like, do you know how many things your brain can do at once? You can easily carry on a running mental commentary about America's Sweetheart whilst going about your day, applying for Canadian citizenship, binge watching The Good Fight, dying your hair blorange or whatever you're doing. It's almost irresponsible not to think about Julia Roberts at least once a day. It's un-American. Trump's tweets are a distraction from Julia Roberts; don't be fooled.
Julia Fiona Roberts, favest of all faves was named People's World's Most Beautiful Person for the fifth time yesterday. This raises a lot of questions, obviously. Like, how does this work? If you can be named it multiple times does it mean you get less beautiful in the interim? Offensive! Is everyone else having an off year? Are they talking about auras or just, like, face-wise? What is the prize? Honestly, what do you get the most beautiful person in the world? A mirror?
(Yes, I know that GIF is terrifying, but it's the World's Most Beautiful Terror.)
With this high honor for the Smyrna native and accessible hottie Jon Ossoff's incredible showing in the 6th District election, the state of Georgia is having a banner week. And by "banner week," I mean "an interesting couple of days shaped by murky voting processes."
Who is selecting the most beautiful people, anyway?
Real talk, People should abandon its lookist and largely Eurocentric contest and start naming the annual People You Should Be Thinking About Right Now list. Obviously Julia Roberts would be on the top of that, too. But if she felt like having a bad hair day or whatever she wouldn't be in danger of being impeached.
You should always be thinking about Julia Roberts. If Julia Roberts isn't your fave, I feel bad for you, son. I got 99 faves and JRo is one.
(I have literally no shame about that sentence even though, by rights, I know I should.)
I also have no shame about how long I've been a Julia Roberts stan. Like, before she married Lyle Lovett stan, like Mystic Pizza stan. I am an O.G. stan. You should be, too. Yes, she's beautiful but she's also literally iconic. Co-queen of the '90s romcom (Meg Ryan, where ya at?!) and Hollywood royalty.
Here are 10 arbitrary but comprehensive Julia Roberts movie moments that you should always keep in your mind as you're going about your day, knitting a pink hat, painting a mural with unicorn nail polish, starting a greeting card company, or whatever it is you do with your time.
10. OMG, that scene in My Best Friend's Wedding with Paul Giamatti where she gets the ring stuck and the dialogue is so bad but the acting is so good.
9. Oh! And that scene from My Best Friend's Wedding where she and Cameron Diaz get into a fight in the bathroom of the Cubs' stadium and it's basically the pilot of Orange Is the New Black.
8. Basically all of My Best Friend's Wedding.
7. The scene in Sleeping with the Enemy when she calls the police to report a shooting before pulling the trigger. ICONIC.
6. In The Pelican Brief, when Sam Shepherd's car explodes and she has every single emotion in quick succession.
5. Every word she says in Notting Hill. And every look. Every glance. Every eyebrow raise. Everything.
4. This wig.
Just kidding. OMG. Why even?
But speaking of hair, she owns this beauty shop scene in Steel Magnolias. The rest of the movie belongs to Shirley Maclaine and Sally Field, but this early scene is all JRo.
3. The fact that she filmed all of Hook in front of a green screen with literally no other actors present like she was playing an avatar or something and still is one of the best things about the movie besides Rufio. (Never forget.)
2. (Fair warning, Stepmom does not appear on this list mostly because that movie is a Susan Sarandon masterclass. Nevertheless it contains a perfect Julia Roberts performance.)
Anyway, every moment of her Oscar-winning turn in Erin Brockovich is excellent, but particularly the ones in which she reads people to filth.
1. The Pretty Woman shopping montage is the only thing on my Pinterest vision board.
Don't we all aspire to have our financial capabilities rudely underestimated only to come back, dressed to the nines and weighed down with bags? Just me? Sometimes when I'm shopping I ask for extra bags just so I can charge into H&M and reenact this scene. No one likes this. "Big mistake, huge" is also how I always responded to people when they agreed to go on a second date with me. This scene is so versatile. It's the Most Beautiful Scene in the World.
Follow R. Eric Thomas on Twitter.
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