"You Clean It Up ~Insert 'B' Word~" — This 3-Year-Old Cussed At His Teacher, And His Dad Is Refusing To Write An Apology Letter

The subreddit r/AmItheAsshole? is a popular place where people can go to ask fellow Reddit users if their actions deem them an a-hole or not. Today we have a 30-something-year-old dad who is in a little pickle after his 3-year-old son said some inappropriate things at school. Here's the situation...

Reddit user u/TheBreakUp2013 is the father, who explains what happened: "My son started private preschool two months ago. He attends four hours per day, four days per week. His terrible twos were relatively mild, and in the last few months, he settled into a pleasant, friendly, funny, and relatively attentive disposition. The standard practice at this preschool is to do an assessment one month after the child starts school. His came back glowing: funny, pleasant, academically advanced, all the warm and fuzzy stuff a parent would want to hear," he said in the thread.

The dad goes on to say that his son recently seemed a little off for the past few months. "This past weekend, he seemed a little off. We were hearing 'no' a lot and a bit more agitation. At preschool on Monday, he spilled his lunch. His teacher asked him to clean it up, and shockingly, he responded with, 'No. You clean it up, bitch.' When the other teacher asked what he said, he repeated it. Yikes."

He continued, "The teachers told us about it, indicated it was very out of character for him, and we were very apologetic to both teachers. We talked to him about using bad words, impulses, and mood control in general. His mood improved to its normal condition, and the rest of the week was incident-free."

Two days after the incident, the kid's teachers asked u/TheBreakUp2013 and his wife to write an apology letter to the teachers and the school's administration for their son's foul language.

"Here's the thing. My wife and I aren't perfect. We swear. We say fuck, shit, asshole — and occasionally goddamn to our dog when she's bad. We try to limit it in front of our son, but occasionally, it slips out. We do not, however, ever use derogatory curse words. In the 10 years we have been together, I have not said and I have never heard my wife say the B-word, C-word, or any of the words derogatory toward color, ethnicity, LQBTQ+ status, sex, religion, or ability, including the derogatory F or R words."

"I'm sure the school thinks he heard the B word from me or my wife, but we simply do not use it. Also, he only likes cartoons, so we haven't exposed him to anything that would have it. I understand kids get things from all types of sources, and I want the school to understand that," he added.

However, the school has now been following up, asking for the apology letter. "I don't feel like we owe it to them. We have already apologized for him saying it, but don't feel the need to apologize for teaching it to him because we didn't. Would I be an asshole if I refused to do the apology letter?"

Interesting... OK, so the overall consensus of the people of Reddit is that the dad is NOT an asshole. Here is what they are saying:

"Not the asshole. Write the letter, but instead of it being an apology, explain that you don’t recall ever using that word in front of him and have no idea how or where he learned it from. Take the opportunity to point out that you have never heard him use that word at home and that he could have picked it up at school. Again reiterate that you are sorry that he said it, but that you will NOT be apologizing for doing something that you don’t believe you did. Also, I suggest having your son apologize to the teachers, maybe with a small gift…this can go a long way and help defuse these situations."

"I'll write the letter for you right now: 'I apologize that you are harboring the incorrect belief that I taught my kid the bad word he used. Unfortunately, it seems much more likely that he learned it from one of his peers at your school. I'll be expecting your letter of apology for teaching my child this word by the end of the week.'"

"Not an asshole. It doesn't make sense to me that the school would want an apology letter. How does that solve any problem they have? I'd call the school administrator to find out more. I would also be concerned about where your child heard this word. If you never say it, where could he have learned it that you or a babysitter wouldn't have heard?"

"My kid came out with 'oh my fucking god' the other day, in a very dramatic tone. I have not used that term in his lifetime. TBH, he pooped in the potty, turned to look at what he had created, and that was his response. It was precious."

"Even if you HAD unintentionally ‘taught’ him that word — the school’s attempt to discipline you as if you were a naughty child (instead of understanding that these things happen) is inappropriate. They need to write you an apology for the misunderstanding of their role in your life."

"I would be very careful here because it sounds like the school wants a written record of the incident in such a way that you as parents have acknowledged responsibility for it having occurred. In a different business setting, an apology letter might be used by a recipient to leverage free or discounted goods or services. But this is a school, and you already apologized verbally, so I'm not sure why they would want or need that."

So, what do you think? Is the dad an a-hole? Let us know in the comments!