Am I In Perimenopause?
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The funny thing about the menopause transition is that you don’t realize that you are in it until you’re in it…maybe. For instance, I didn’t think that I could be in the throes of perimenopause—the time leading up to menopause—until I was asked to write this piece.
My initial response to the assignment was, “Wait, am I in perimenopause?” My editor’s answer: “I’m not sure, but you do talk about the symptoms a lot.” And to be honest, I probably do talk about menopause symptoms—hot flashes, brain fog, etc.—quite a bit, because it is my job as an editor and writer in the wellness space, plus I’m a woman of a certain age.
But then I thought about it a little longer: I am experiencing many of the classic symptoms. Then again, I’m also smack-dab in the middle of all the life managing—juggling twins in elementary school, a very fulfilling and very full-time career, a bilingual household, a few side gigs, a fun travel schedule, care of boomer parents and an aging Europe-based father-in-law. And, oh yeah, being someone who would maybe, somehow, want to prioritize self-care.
This is common. Perimenopause (which means “around menopause”) most often occurs between ages 40 and 44 and can last up to a decade, although the average is four to eight years. This time of life is, of course, when we women who were told we could have it all are actually doing it all. (Just for starters, guess how many loads of laundry I do in a single week.) And this sandwich of caring for our parents, ourselves, and our children all at once has left us so overwhelmed that 45 percent of women don’t even talk about symptoms with their doctors.
Now, that not-talking thing could also be just avoidance of the inevitable, or it could be that we still haven’t completely emerged from the olden days (when Gloria Steinem was first to set the trend of women wearing aviators) during which even the thought of discussing menopause was considered taboo and, even worse—gasp—unladylike. Back then there were whispers about “the change,” but the word menopause wasn’t spoken aloud (never mind acknowledged).
In the past half-decade, however, some heavy hitters in the lifestyle space, including the one and only Oprah, have made the topic an out-loud conversation. Some, like Naomi Watts, have even created skincare and sexual-wellness products for those of us on the cusp of the change. Why? Because they’re just like us! I’ve found my friends exploring the notion that maybe, just maybe, we’re getting closer to the end of menstruation. And yes, when I mentally go through some of the common symptoms that could point to the menopause transition, I think it could be possible. Here’s what that checklist looks like:
OMG! It’s So Hot
I run cold. I wear scarves in summer and have been known to sleep in hoodies—but this summer, man!, I’ve never experienced heat like that. Did you know eyeballs can sweat? Yeah, it’s been a revelation. Now, facts: No one in history has experienced such soaring temperatures. There was unprecedented heat this year in western Europe, America’s Southwest, and Japan, and NASA just said 2023’s was the hottest summer since it began recording them.
But perimenopausal (or “peri,” as I like to call it) heat comes from within; it blooms. Hot flashes, along with night sweats, are in fact the most common symptom, with up to 82 percent of women experiencing it. Some say that anxiety (hi, that’s the subtitle of my biography) and caffeine consumption (oh, you mean you don’t own five coffee makers too?) can exacerbate the effects of the hormonal changes that bring on these flashes. So you can understand why I’m a little unsure if this is climate change, my lifestyle, or peri.
Sleep No More!
My nights are fitful. Blame the overreach of the patriarchy, the erosion on Cape Cod, or my sudden realization that I think I missed the cutoff for swimming-lessons sign-up, but I’m usually awake from about 3 to 5 a.m., give or take 20 minutes on each end. Then my alarm goes off at 5:30 a.m. and it’s time to make the donuts.
When I was younger, I had very vivid nightmares. Since having children, I don’t dream as much; I also don’t log as many zzzz’s. And indeed, lacking sleep is another common symptom of peri since that, too, is impacted by both stress and hormone levels. But I’m not experiencing night sweats, so for the moment I’m putting this symptom into the lifestyle column. If you also have trouble sleeping, do as I say, not as I do: Avoid the early-a.m. doomscrolling and/or dead-girl-book reading on your phone. Try medical-grade melatonin as a helpful sleep aid. And a personal tip: If I consume magnesium before bed, I’m able to at least delay my nocturnal wakings.
What Was I About to Say?
One of my superpowers is my long-term memory. I’m excellent at trivia—don’t try to challenge me, because I’ll beat you and I’ll talk trash the entire time. However, I can’t remember if I filled out the permission slip for the annual campout, I don’t know if I ordered my daughter’s seizure medication, and lunch yesterday—I think I ate something? Brain fog, forgetfulness, whatever you want to call it, is another common symptom of peri. Again, we can point to the shifting hormones for the decline of cognitive function (one study nearly two decades ago from the University of Chicago linked memory loss to hot flashes), or we can blame all the plates we need to keep spinning.
Whatever the reason that you forgot to pick up olive oil at the grocery store, some scientists recommend brain exercises like crossword puzzles to keep you thinking reasonably well. Others suggest meditation to combat brain fog. I make it my aim to meditate for 10 minutes a day, five days a week; apps like Calm and Headspace make it super-easy.
The Great Menstruation Roller Coaster
Menopause itself is the precise day when it has been 12 months since your last period. The time it takes to get there is perimenopause. And for all the press hot flashes get, the most telling symptom that you’re going through the transition is changes in your menstrual cycle. Thanks to a low-functioning thyroid, I’ve never enjoyed a regular period. However, many of my friends have been talking about excessive bleeding, aggressive spotting, and skipped months. The way to battle this symptom is by leveling hormones. And this is squarely in the talk-to-your doctor zone.
But FYI: The closer you get to menopause, the further apart you menstruate. It is common to have as much as 60 days between periods before tapering off completely.
M is for Mooooody
Over the last five years, I’ve really leaned into moving with grace. And as corny as it sounds, I write in my gratitude journal each morning. But very important things—the person at the front of the line in the coffee shop who has no idea what to order, say—can set me off. Irritability, headaches (another of my daily occurrences), and trouble concentrating are all hallmarks of perimenopause. They are also indicators of burnout, but modern motherhood doesn’t allow for time to sniff the smelling salts.
The American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology advises improving your quality of sleep, avoiding caffeine in the afternoons, and skipping screens right before bedtime to combat the mood swings. Regular exercise, especially mindful practices like yoga, can also be helpful. Sometimes when I’m acting like a snapping turtle, I take a beat and a breath, then repeat: “I’m full of grace and gratitude.” And frankly, having a full life is something that I am thankful for, even if it makes me tired, forgetful, hot, and a bit bothered. Cheers to aging!
Yet amid all the chaos that eats up my time, there is one thing I’m certain of: This won’t be the last time I go through these symptoms and wonder, Is this life, or perimenopause?
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