How to Be an Ally During Pride (and Beyond)

LGBTQ Pride parades may be deeply rooted in political protest, but these days they're also rainbow-colored parties that plenty of straight folks want to attend. Many queer people will bring cishet friends, family members, and co-workers to Pride. We generally take the view that everyone is welcome—seriously, no one's going to ask who you sleep with before deciding whether you've earned the right to rock a glittery face and a pair of angel wings. But it's important to remember that celebrating the successes and ongoing progress of the LGBTQ-rights movement isn't a once-a-year thing: If you're only an ally during Pride season, you're really no kind of ally at all.

Being a decent ally doesn't just mean dancing to Britney with a gaggle of gays on the weekend and arguing for Asia O'Hara as the rightful winner of this season of Drag Race. It's about taking positive action to improve the lives of LGBTQ people and using your voice to elevate theirs. "As an ally, I have a responsibility to the LGBTQ community," says Allie X, a pop singer-songwriter who recently performed at Los Angeles and Washington, D.C.’s Prides. "The LGBTQ community has always embraced, supported, and even fought for me as a person and an artist. My responsibility is to do the same back."

For X, who's also collaborated with Troye Sivan and toured with Hayley Kiyoko, this responsibility "means acknowledging the struggle that I haven't, as a straight white girl, ever dealt with. It means that whenever I witness my friends or fans going through a struggle, because they can't find acceptance or a safe space, it's my job to make them feel accepted and find a safe space for them. Being an ally means normalizing something that should already be normal and lifting up the community whenever possible."

Corniness aside, being a good ally is a journey, not a destination. Understanding the battles that LGBTQ people have faced in the past, and continue to face today, is a vital first step. It almost goes without saying that this means engaging with queer people from across the LGBTQ spectrum; at a time when young trans people are nine times more likely to attempt suicide than the general population, their battles need to be front and center of our collective agenda.

Volunteering for a local LGBTQ charity is a simple but effective way to connect with the community and expand your allyship. But don't be afraid to get creative. When Jade Thirlwall of girl group Little Mix marked turning 25 with a drag-themed birthday party, she encouraged guests to donate to LGBT charity Stonewall and collaborated with them on creating pro-LGBT party bags. She didn't just borrow the glamorous and entertaining side of gay life without acknowledging that our gift for escapism comes from a place of oppression and discrimination.

At the same time, being a decent ally doesn't mean straining for peak wokeness and never making a mistake. “Even if your heart is in the right place, you can still get it wrong sometimes and you need to listen and accept that without getting defensive," says Alice Beverton-Palmer, a cishet social-media professional who DJs at a gay pop club night. "And don’t judge LGBTQ life or relationships by straight norms—maybe even take a step back to reconsider the value of those norms to your own life."

For Beverton-Palmer, being an ally also means checking your own behavior when you're welcomed into an LGBTQ space. “At Pride—and any LGBTQ event or venue, at any time of year—you’re a guest, so make sure you act like one," she says. "Enjoy it, of course, but be respectful of another community’s high holiday. This one’s not about straight people. And for God’s sake, don’t tell anyone it’s a 'waste' that they’re gay."

But let's not forget that being an LGBTQ ally should also be fun and nourishing. "Being a part of the LGBTQ community has been one of the greatest honors of my life," says ally and pop singer Betty Who, who recently made a music video with the Queer Eye cast. "This community celebrates being different, being yourself, being honest and vulnerable, being patient and kind. I can't think of better lessons you could teach another human being."