Afraid of Giving Birth? 3 Fears to Stop Worrying About

Jeanne Faulkner
·4 min read

For most women labor hurts a lot, but not only can your heart take it, so can the rest of your body. You're going to be fine.

Why do women mess with each other like that? Why tell a vulnerable, pregnant woman that birth is the worst thing they'll ever go through and they're going to want to die? Maybe some women do it to draw attention to themselves and prove how tough and special they are because they've suffered.

Maybe it's their way of processing their birth experience. Maybe in some warped way they think they're helping prepare their pregnant friend or relative for what's in their future. More likely, it's a way for them to cement their own story.

RELATED: Stages of Labor: What to Expect When You Give Birth

I hear these kinds of "let me tell you how bad it was" stories a lot from women who've been through a traumatic health struggle—whether it's birth, cancer, or something else. Healing is a physical, emotional, and spiritual process. While some women heal, accept their scars, and move on, others bond with their trauma and keep it alive as part of what makes them special and unique. Not everyone wants to heal because remaining injured or a victim provides something they need.

Victim mentality (and for some people, survivor mentality) is a popular way to think about one's self in our culture, though I'd argue it really doesn't do anyone much good. When it comes to scary birth stories, it doesn't prepare pregnant people for their own deliveries. It frightens them, and that's not kind.

Let's set the record straight about the top fears around giving birth:

The Fear: Labor Pain

You have loads of options for managing labor pain. Sign up for a good prenatal education course that covers all your pain management options, ranging from natural techniques to epidural. Then, study and practice the natural techniques that sound best to you. You'll use them during early labor, and for some women (not most, but some), that's all they need to sail through labor. If breathing, relaxation, water birth, or hypnosis techniques aren't enough to keep your labor pain manageable though, and you're delivering in a hospital, get an epidural. There's no shame in that. Millions of women get epidurals every year (especially first time mothers) and they work beautifully to reduce and even eliminate labor pain.

Muscle and nerve pain is what contractions cause. Contractions come and go. Pain starts out mild and becomes stronger through the course of labor, but pain subsides between contractions. Once Baby is born, the pain goes away and most mothers are up and around (though tired and a little sore) the same day they deliver.

The Fear: Dying in Labor

Approximately 700 women die each year in the U.S. as a result of pregnancy or delivery complications. However, about 99 percent of mothers who die in labor—most often due to serious childbirth complications like infection, hemorrhage, or high blood pressure—live in underdeveloped areas in Africa or Southeast Asia.

True, childbirth in American is a public health crisis, with Native American, Alaska Native, and non-Hispanic Black women disproportionately affected, but over 60 percent of these pregnancy-related deaths are preventable. There are steps you can take—like seeking out good prenatal care, doing research on issues, like preeclampsia, that could arise and their symptoms, and enlisting a labor advocate —to lower your odds of something happening.

The Fear: Heart Failure

For most healthy women, your heart will be able to stand the rigors of childbirth. If you have a preexisting heart condition, your doctor needs to know about that and precautions will be made to insure your health and safety during birth.

Additionally, conditions like preeclampsia can double the risk of heart attack or stroke, and having your baby before 37 weeks of pregnancy may put you at an increased risk for heart issues. Being aware of these facts can help you and your doctor assess potential risks.

If you've been traumatized by your birth, telling your story is certainly part of the healing process, but be careful whom you tell it too. A therapist, doctor, your partner or mother, a good friend—all good audiences. First-time pregnant mothers who are already worried about labor? Not so much.

What should you say to women who offload their scary birth stories to pregnant women? Try saying something like this: "Excuse me, with all due respect, knock it off."