Adults Are Sharing The Most Explicit Things Porn Gets Wrong About Real-Life Sex, And Wow, These Answers Are Spot-On
Note: This post contains mentions of explicit sexual content.
If you've ever watched porn, you may fully understand how "fantastical" and unrealistic the industry can be when it comes to sex.
MIC / Via giphy.com
So, when Reddit user u/cheerful_sharky asked: "What's one thing that porn always gets wrong?" I thought it might be interesting to not only share the responses but also highlight the different people's perspectives on each of the subject matters based on their real-life sex experiences. Here's what they had to say below.
1."The lack of awkwardness or figuring things out."
Perspective #1: "I think this is why people think amateur porn is a lot hotter than the high production value professional stuff. What turns me on most about sex is the intimacy of it all, the feeling of doing it with another human being, and figuring it out together. I just don’t get that sense of intimacy from big-budget pornos, but I do get that from amateur stuff, especially those filmed by couples."
Perspective #2: "Too many 'casual encounters' that don't result in an elbow to the face or accidental head-butt."
2."The cleanliness of the house it starts in. Never seen a porn star have sex next to a pile of clean laundry everybody's too lazy to fold and put away."
Perspective #1: "I had just washed my sheets the night I lost my virginity. Just pushed the pile of clothes and sheets onto the floor and did it on a bare mattress."
Perspective #2: "*Cleaning off the kitchen counter to bang on it.* NO, don't put that knife in the dirty sink; I haven't decided if I want to make another sandwich yet!"
3."Going harder is more pleasurable."
Perspective #1: "Depends on the person. My first long-term girlfriend could get off from nipples alone and loved long oral sessions. My wife? She asks me to go so hard I'm worried I'll break something on one of us. It's the only thing that works for her. Using my hand feels like I'm trying to pound a nail through an oak board with my fingertips, and she's still going 'HARDER.' So...ya know, it depends."
Perspective #2: "It is in my opinion, so long as the top builds up to the rougher pace instead of going straight into ass-destroyer mode."
4."First-time anal is never that quick. A lot of starting and stopping, and a lot of prep beforehand. Also, switching back to penis-in-vagina sex after anal is a no-no, unless you want a UTI."
Perspective #1: "My god — yes, this. I've had to teach my fiancé that since I was his first anal lady, and it just didn't make sense how much warming up it takes for a little bit. It takes time, and it takes that time every time; buttholes need a little work."
Perspective #2: "This is why I’m anti-anal with my wife. The amount of hemorrhoids and fissures I’ve seen in porn is deterrent enough."
5."Never seen anything professional where they're going at it and it's all hot and romantic, and just as they're saying, 'I'm gonna come soon,' the cat jumps on the bed, head-butts their arm forcefully, and meows as loud as she possibly can right into both their ears. Making both of them stop and start laughing, while the cat continues to meow loudly and head-butt, demanding attention. Or, the dog sneaks in and starts licking your foot that's hanging off the edge of the bed."
"What I'm saying is, I gotta get better at making sure the door is actually latched. It needs an extra push, and in the heat of the moment, I've been known to forget."
Perspective #1: "My dog is very polite and just stares."
Perspective #2: "When my husband and I bought our first home, we decided the first thing we should do is 'christen' the bedroom. We had also just adopted a beagle. While getting down to business on the air mattress (no real furniture at that point), our beagle started humping my husband’s leg. Totally killed the mood, but we both got a good laugh out of it!"
6."I rarely see them apply lube! You have to get sloppy with that stuff."
Perspective #1: "Sometimes, it's that morning side-bang after a hard night drinking and everyone is dehydrated. Or, you've been going at it for 40 minutes and used up all the natural. Sometimes, I will put some on my finger before massaging the clitoris, too, because I've found it helps a ton. Friction is numbness and/or pain; friction is the enemy."
Perspective #2: "This is a good call-out on major differences in porn vs. real life. Preference changes with time as anyone whose been in a long-term relationship can testify to. And it's different for everyone, whether you are using condoms, your age, whether men are circumcised, or the makeup of the labia.
My wife and I got together as teens and are in our 30s. At 19, everyone is ready to go in a second; by 25, with a condom, maybe the female needs it. At 30, an uncircumcised male might need it more. And the changes go on and on."
7."Nobody is ever stopping to pull a hair out of their mouth."
Perspective #1: "I have a big beard, and half of sex is me pulling my own hair out of my mouth."
Perspective #2: "Tips for anyone in this situation:
When trimming, pucker up your lips and make sure that no hair makes it in there, clean it up. Pro-tip for a clean-looking beard on a rush: Just clean up the lips and the gutters (cheek edges), and that gets you 85% of the way for a good clean beard look (assuming you haven't let it get out of control).
Shampoo your beard. Face skin is sensitive, and you will taste some of the shampoo. I've found that the best cheap solution is to use baby shampoo. There are beard shampoos; they're nicer and also have better tastes, but are more expensive.
Also, brush your beard daily. I recommend getting a badger bristle brush, but you can use a boar bristle brush; it just gets a bit gnarlier. If you're going to get busy with your mouth, give it a good brush beforehand.
Oil your beard once a day, after shampooing before brushing. There are a lot of great-smelling oils, but you honestly just need a decent oil. I find that EVOO works pretty well, but you can use baby oil, too, if you are willing to spend a bit more, and don't find it more expensive, you can use argan, jojoba, or even avocado oil. Add some drops of essential smell oils to make it smell nice if you want to.
All of this together work pretty well.
Also, if you happen to have a lot of body hair (be what the gay community would describe as 'a fuzzy bear'), brushing your chest hair with a brush before sex helps remove most of the loose hairs that will get stuck everywhere with sweat and make it a bit smoother (but less bouncy, which some women like)."
8."I've never seen someone let out a loud fart while orgasming in porn, but my husband made that magic happen."
Perspective #1: "Nature’s sexual battle cry."
Perspective #2: "Always have considered this as a possibility, and in some ways feared it. Good to know I won’t be alone if it happens."
9."Fake moaning. The guy touched her nipples, and she goes berserk."
Perspective #1: "My nipples are HELLA sensitive, though. Then, I got them pierced, and now one fondle and I’m ready to go."
Perspective #2: "That can happen, though. It really depends on the woman. My wife is super sensitive and absolutely wants her nipples played with if she's in the mood.
Some exes were the opposite: not wanting their nipples touched for whatever reason.
That's another thing movies get wrong: You can't use a magic trick that works for every woman. You gotta adapt and discover your partner."
10."The quick response times of plumbers."
Perspective #1: "Or the price tag. Like yeah, the butt is nice, but my boss expects SOMEONE to pay this $1,800 bill, and it ain’t me."
Perspective #2: "In porn: 'Hello, I need a plumber.'
'I'm a plumber. I'll be there in five minutes.'
In reality: 'Hello, I need a plumber.'
'I'm a plumber. I'll arrive between 6 a.m. and 9:30 p.m. some time between Thursday and October.'"
11."Shower sex or just anything in the shower, at least as a woman, completely sucks. Water is not your friend, lol."
Perspective #1: "Yeah, the water can reduce lubrication. And also, trying to find a position that isn't a ton of work is impossible. People just like the idea of water, and I guess it is kind of sexy, but in actuality, every time I've tried shower sex, it wasn't really enjoyable."
Perspective #2: "Honestly, I try to avoid anything in the shower. Because when you want to do it, you've gotta get out and dry off, go to the room, and then, I'm cold. Looks way hotter in porn and movies."
Perspective #3: "We’ve always enjoyed shower fun, though we usually end up moving to a bed at some point ('cause we’re old)."
12."The clitoris. It’s never acknowledged."
Perspective #1: "I mean, sometimes they rub it so hard it looks like a competitive Mario Party 64."
Perspective #2: "Ugggh, it's so sensitive, and they rub like they're scrubbing some dishes."
13."Foreplay is important. Often necessary. No, you can’t just pull down someone’s pants and get in."
Perspective #1: "I've been with several women that didn't want/need it. Nevertheless, it's very enjoyable for those who did want it."
Perspective #2: "The thing that's not realistic about porn is that foreplay does not only consist of fingering for 30 seconds and cunnilingus. All the slow tension-building foreplay is usually skipped."
14."All three people are happy after a threesome."
Perspective #1: "Uh. I've had many 'everybody happy' threesomes. MFM, MFF, FMF, and MMF. We've all been happy most of the time."
Perspective #2: "What’s the difference between MFF and FMF?"
Perspective #3: "In MFF, the women play with each other and the man. In FMF, the women don't play with each other, they each only play with the guy."
15."Lesbian porn. They almost always have long nails."
Perspective #1: "Yes, the pain and how dirty it is. There is a reason nurses can’t have long nails. I don’t want whatever gnarly bacteria you have under your nails. I know anyone can have dirty nails, but it just makes it so much more noticeable when watching it."
16."Men not moaning, as if they don't vocally express their pleasure during sex."
Perspective #1: "I know, right? It’s such a turn-on for me when I hear men moan."
Perspective #2: "I'm silent. I have to remind myself to make sounds so my partner knows I'm having fun. I know she enjoys it when I'm vocal, but I have a lot of trouble as I don't actually enjoy it."
Perspective #3: "I like that in porn, though. I don’t really wanna hear that personally."
17."Having sex while only wearing footwear."
Perspective #1: "But I highly recommend sex with socks on. It's so cozy."
Perspective #2: "Have you ever had sex with a woman with socks on a carpet? You'll slide all over. Get some baseball cleats for extra traction."
Perspective #3: "This is actually a huge plot point in an episode of How I Met Your Mother where Marshall wears the grippy socks to bed after Lily made them with silk sheets. I believe his line was, 'Lily, babe, c’mon…Daddy needs his traction!'"
18."'The bigger the better.' You cant tell me it won't hurt at some point, for the women."
Perspective #1: "Truth. I am small. I will not have sex with a man over 6” because I don’t want to be in pain. I have dildos I can’t use because they’re too big."
19."Many of those positions are unnatural and not very pleasurable, which is why you see so many jump cuts."
Perspective #1: "I was gonna say this! A woman with her hips off the bed, legs spread eagle/up by her head is not gonna last more than 45 seconds unless you're with an Olympic gymnast."