Adult prom-goers find acceptance, love at Affirmations soiree
Long-held dreams came true Saturday night in Ferndale for 300 partygoers who attended Affirmations LGBTQ+ Community Center’s inaugural Prom ReDeux, a 21-and-up event that invited queer community members to live the prom experience they’d always wanted, but never received.
The entire three-story facility was turned into a party venue with decorations, two DJs spinning hits from the last five decades, indoor and outdoor dance floors, a prom photo station, activities and even spiked punch. And, as happens at the end of many prom and prom-related events, near the end of the night, endless rows of Domino’s Pizza boxes were carted in. It was a wholesome evening that even included a marriage proposal.
“The genesis of the idea was that many of us didn’t get to take who we wanted to at prom,” said Affirmations Executive Director Dave Garcia. “It was time to reclaim prom and take it back for ourselves. I graduated in Swartz Creek, but I grew up in Gaines, a village that has less than 500 people. When we grew up, no one was out, and you would never have asked someone of the same sex to prom with you. It just wasn’t possible. It was not possible.
Deputy Executive Director Cheryl Czach, who graduated during the same period also in Genesee County, added, “There were a lot of whispers about (some) people, but you couldn’t have done it.”
Garcia said there were plenty of schoolmates he wished he could have asked, but their reactions would have been damning.
“And now,” he said, “Affirmations can provide a safe space. We’ve done a youth prom for decades, but this is our first time doing one for adults, where people are just really free to be who they are and have so much fun and dress for the occasion.”
Liam Wolf, a trans man who lives in Ypsilanti, was relatively new to the region when he learned of Saturday’s event. His partner, Deon Starks, was eager to show him the LGBTQ community in the area.
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“I went to an all-girls Catholic school,” said Wolf. “They wouldn’t let me wear pants or anything like that. I came out as trans and got kicked out of school, so even though I was in high school, I was homeless. So I couldn’t afford prom and I could not go to prom as my chosen gender.
“Honestly, I’m enjoying just seeing the different people in the community here and how diverse it is. The dancing has been nice, but seeing how diverse everyone is around here is just amazing.”
Starks voiced stalwart support for his partner.
“I’m not trans, but I’m just proud of him, seeing how far he’s come with his identity, how much he’s learned and experienced. He didn’t have his prom, years ago. Now we can do it as adults, and it’s just been amazing.”
Ashley Robinson and her wife, Kristin Yenior, drove from Chicago to join the party.
“One of my best friends for over 10 years told me there was a gay prom going on, and it was a fundraiser to help the community. I decided we should come out and do it,” said Robinson.
Vanessa Pabon — the friend, and a Flint native who moved to Oak Park from Chicago four years ago — said Affirmations has been there for her during tough times.
“I was able to get free therapy during COVID because of Affirmations, and they helped me get insurance during that time when I didn’t get a job, so I absolutely wanted to come and support.”
The feel-good celebration saw many people of different races and genders and sexualities making new friends, dancing up a storm, receiving tarot card readings and mingling as though they hadn’t a care in the world.
The staff, however, was staying vigilant, Garcia said.
“We’ve gotten so many threats here at the center,” he said, “that the FBI has been in twice for active shooter training. There are steel columns all through here to protect our façade. We’ve got silent alarms on every floor. Idiots come out here with their signs that say, ‘Got AIDS, f—gs?’ right there on the public sidewalk — which is illegal. And nowadays, they have open carry, so yeah, they’ve all got guns. So our community has to walk through all this just to have a good time.
“This is all we’re doing, man. Just trying to be ourselves. That’s it.”
Guests ranged in age from early twentysomethings to septuagenarians. One of the night’s most beloved figures was Laci Marie Basel, whose cat-eye glasses peered out from a cloud of cotton-candy hair as she handed out roses among the crowd.
“I’m proud to be 75,” she said. “I graduated in 1965, but I really wanted to be hidden for six decades. I love who I am now. It hasn’t been an easy journey. I was married three times, and engaged a fourth time. Things changed seven years ago. It was either life or death, and I wanted to live — I couldn’t do that to my kids."
Basel expressed hope she would meet a kindred spirit at prom.
“I just want to be close to somebody. I want to love somebody. I had a great dream the other night that I met my soulmate. And, really, I think it’s happening. I think God is planting that seed. I’m meeting people — I love meeting people — but I hope that I can find somebody who loves Laci.”
Saturday’s prom was not remotely Laci’s first, she said.
“You know, I used to be a high school principal,” she confessed. “I’ve been to 30 of these babies. But now, I get to wear the dress.”
James Leyerle and Brian Derey, of Pleasant Ridge, have been married eight years; longtime supporters of Affirmations, they have also benefited and seen others benefit from the resources the organization provides.
“It’s a lovely center for the community,” said Derey, “because it really has become the focus of LGBT life in Southeast Michigan and, by derivation from that, kind of the whole state. There are a lot of places in rural Michigan that do not have an Affirmations but wish they did. Some travel as far as 50 miles to come here, or do remote support group meetings if they can.
“Even during the pandemic, the simple gesture of people being able to receive secure tablets from Affirmations to attend those remote meetings was so special. If people are coming out, they still have that lifeline.”
He said they're proud to continue supporting the center.
“Seeing everyone around in their finery and being able to prom are fun, but it’s great to support such an important community pillar.”
Contact Free Press arts and culture reporter Duante Beddingfield at dbeddingfield@freepress.com.
This article originally appeared on Detroit Free Press: Adult prom-goers find acceptance, love at Affirmations in Ferndale
