Abbey's Road: Encouraging others on the parenting walk

I’m ashamed to admit I’ve never been one for taking walks just for the sake of walking. Usually, I require a purpose: Exercise. Stopping at Mom’s for a cucumber from the garden. Getting out of the house to avoid having to look at the dirty dishes haphazardly stacked on the counter. (Everyone knows taking a walk is easier than unloading and reloading the dishwasher.)

But today, for some reason, I decided to take a walk.

As I rounded a bend in the road, I saw a young woman walking along ahead of me, wearing a baby in a carrier strapped to her chest. (“I remember those days,” I thought to myself.) She had brown hair that looked like mine — albeit with fewer grays — and was wearing hers in the same style I always do. I felt like I was watching myself 15 years ago from 20 feet away, and it was the most bizarre thing.

Occasionally, she would stop and snap a selfie with the baby — a smiling boy, whose navy sun hat she was carrying in her free hand. (“Remember how finicky they were about hats, even when the sun was in their eyes?” I thought to myself. “Ha.”)

It was a beautiful, sunny morning, not too hot yet, and I couldn’t take my eyes off them. Because my own three kids started school last week and my house is now quiet, and I knew she would be going home to diapers and jars of pureed squash and maybe a fuss at naptime; perhaps an afternoon spent wondering if these hours of thankless tasks were worth it when she could have been doing so many other things.

And suddenly I wasn’t looking at her at all; I was looking at me.

Me, who stopped working full-time after having a second baby just so she could have quiet mornings of taking walks around the block and sitting on the floor reading board books and cleaning up messes knowing full well they would reappear by the time she was done.

Me, who wondered, on occasion, what her greater purpose was because there were days when it just felt like drudgery.

Me, who was reminded by women farther along the road of life that the days are long and the years are short, and any time we are given to invest in our children is valuable — no matter what that investment looks like.

And I am not usually this person, but I realized in that moment I just HAD to talk to that young woman.

Farther down the road, she turned off to go into a house, and I was close enough by that point to ask, “Is he your first?”

“Yes,” she said, turning around.

“I know you’ve probably been told this before,” I rambled on. “But I’m going to say it to you again. Because my three kids are in school right now — eighth, fifth, and first grades. And they’re doing really great and I’m so proud of them. But I work from home and I’m going back to an empty house.

“So I wanted to tell you that even though I know it gets hard at times, you have to enjoy them at this age while you can, because these are days you will never get back. And there are great parts about every phase of parenting, but sometimes we need reminders to soak in the moments while we can.”

She smiled. “Thanks, you’re going to make me cry,” she said.

So to lighten the mood, I added, “Plus, we have the same hair vibes.” And walked away.

Then I thought I was done with spontaneous conversations, until just around the bend I met a neighbor — a grandfather — who I occasionally greet in passing. I told him I was going home to write for a bit.

“I just want to tell you that I see your kids running down the street sometimes, and I love seeing them out there playing,” he said. “You guys are doing a really great job.”

And this is how the cycle continues.

Friends, no matter where you are in your parenting journey, remember that you have something to offer to the ones coming after you. So, take my morning walk as an encouragement and reminder to relish the memories of the past, soak up the present and someday, in the future, use your experiences to pour into someone else.

Also, take walks just to take walks. Because more often than not, they end up having a purpose.

Abbey Roy is a mom of three girls who make every day an adventure. She writes to maintain her sanity. You can probably reach her at amroy@nncogannett.com, but responses are structured around bedtimes and weekends.

This article originally appeared on Newark Advocate: Parenting always affords opportunities to encourage others