9 Ways to Make Reverse Cowgirl Position Feel As Good As It Looks
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Even when you're in full-on experimental mode in the bedroom, chances are you're less inclined to go for seemingly daring or athletic moves. Reverse cowgirl, also referred to as reverse cowperson, is one of those sex positions. Involving one partner straddling the penetrating partner while facing away from them (i.e. towards their feet), reverse cowperson can seem intimidating to try yourself.
"Many of us, especially traditionally socialized cisgender females, are self-conscious about our bodies, and this position can feel very exposing," acknowledges Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., LELO sexpert and author of Becoming Cliterate and A Tired Woman's Guide to Passionate Sex.
And although it might look like NBD in porn, the position can also present technical challenges, because the vaginal opening is meant to be entered at an upward-sloping angle, says Gigi Engle, ACS, a certified sex educator and author. "So when the receiving partner is on top and facing away from the penetrating partner, the penis or sex toy will bang up against the pubic bone, which can be uncomfortable or painful," she points out. Not to mention the fact that it can be physically demanding. "When sitting up straight, it's like being in a constant squat," says Engle. "The thigh burn is so real."
Nonetheless, by trying these expert-backed tips and tricks, you can make riding your partner in reverse more comfortable and steamier to boot.
1. Make sure to spend time warming up.
Because the position can be so challenging, it's not one to dive right into. In fact, you may also want to consider trying reverse cowperson as a secondary position rather than entering it immediately, advises Amy Baldwin, sex educator, sex and relationship coach, and co-host of the Shameless Sex Podcast.
"Don't be afraid to work your way up to it," she says. "Like doggy style and other deep penetration positions, this position is best for when the receiving partner is fully aroused and 'warmed up' — when their cervix is raised and their vaginal canal is elongated — in order to prevent the penetrating partner from painfully hitting their cervix."
No matter when you opt to attempt it, make a point to first devote lots of time to sensual play, such as kissing, caressing, erotic touch, and stimulating different parts of the body, suggests Shannon Chavez, Psy.D., a psychologist and sex therapist in Los Angeles. She also recommends using massage oil or lotion for relaxation and to increase circulation for enhanced arousal.
2. Incorporate lube.
Even if you've spent plenty of time getting hot and bothered ahead of attempting reverse cowperson, you might still need a little extra support in the lubrication department. "That's why lube is sex's best friend," says Mintz whose favorite is LELO's Personal Moisturizer.
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3. Use pillows, sex furniture, or get off the bed.
"Sometimes reverse cowgirl can be too deep and that can be uncomfortable or even painful," says Engle. "No one needs that in their lives. Grab some pillows for some extra knee support. Known as 'the Supported Reverse Cowgirl,' this lifted position can help you control depth." You could also try the Dame Pillo and Liberator's Wedge, supportive furniture designed specifically for sex play.
Dirty Lola, a sex educator based in Brooklyn, New York, recommends enjoying reverse cowperson on the couch so the receiving partner can put their feet on the floor, gaining more control. "The person on the bottom can be sitting with their legs spread fairly wide, and the receiving partner can sit in between their legs," she notes. "Or the partner on the bottom can have their legs closed, allowing the receiving partner to sit further back on their lap with their knees on either side of their thighs."
Similarly, you can go for a ride on an armless chair or a built-in bench in the shower, advises Lola.
4. Have the giving partner prop their knees up at an angle.
This will allow the receiving partner to brace themselves by holding onto the penetrating partner's knees, points out Engle.
"If you need extra penetration control, you can also enlist the help of a wearable like OhNut, which is designed specifically to help vulva owners control the depth of penetration," she adds.
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5. Experiment with different types of movement.
There are a variety of ways to enjoy penetration once you're in the position, points out Kiana Reeves, Chief Brand Officer and educator at sexual health and wellness company Foria.
"If you're feeling less energetic, ask your partner to thrust up, so you're not doing all the work!" she advises. "Try moving slowly and explore what type of movement feels best for you, including grinding (moving back and forth without lifting up and down), bouncing (an up and down movement), or a mixture of both (which can feel like riding a horse a la the cowgirl name)."
6. Weave in nipple play.
"We know that the breasts, including the nipples, play a huge role in sensation and pleasure in general," says Reeves. "Some people even experience orgasm from nipple play alone." For that reason, she recommends incorporating gentle tapping, twisting, pinching, pressing, or flicking of your own nipples while in this position. You could also try a toy like Zumio or Dame's Aer to stimulate the nipples with less manual labor, advises Rachel Wright, licensed psychotherapist and sex expert for Zumio.
And if you want to get your partner in on the action, have them sit up so you're sitting on their lap, recommends Engle. "This way you can lean back into them and they can reach around you to stimulate the nipples," she says. Plus, modifying the position in this way can be stabilizing, preempting the "dreaded thigh burn."
7. Bring toys along for the ride.
"One amazing thing about reverse cowperson is that it accommodates play with toys very well," says Baldwin. "Because your genitals aren't facing one another, the person on top is left with more space to play with themselves."
If you want to incorporate accessories while in reverse cowperson, consider the following ways to do so:
Try a cock ring.
"If you or a partner has a penis, add a cock ring for added firmness and mutual pleasure," recommends Engle. "This can be especially helpful if the penis haver doesn't maintain erections as easily in a bottom position. You can get a cock ring with a lifted top — designed for clitoral stimulation — and put the stimulator on the bottom of the penis so it can access your clitoris."
Use a wand vibe.
"The Magic Wand or Le Wand are great for this position because while sitting upright, you can grind against the head of the wand for maximum pleasure," says Engle.
Consider a clitoral sucking vibrator.
This praise-worthy toy is particularly useful and low-key to use in this position. "You just have to hold them over the clitoris and let them do their thing," says Engle. Her fave: The Bird from OSUGA.
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8. Make anal penetration part of the experience.
Because the receiving partner's booty is so accessible in this position, it could be a great one for incorporating ass play if that's your jam, says Baldwin. "The bottom or person doing the penetrating can try using a well-lubricated finger or even a butt plug on their partner to enhance pleasure," she advises.
9. Communicate, communicate, communicate.
Ultimately, talking about what brings you pleasure will make the experience more enjoyable. "Share what feels good and what doesn't and if it feels safe," encourages Wright. "Talk to your partner about your fears and/or insecurities before you get in bed/on the couch/playing around."
Although it's normal to be self-conscious about a position like reverse cowperson, it bears reminding that quite often, your partner isn't even aware of your insecurity. As Wright notes, "All they're seeing is your beautiful body bouncing up and down on top of them."
