9 Things You Shouldn’t Say to Your Kids at the Dinner Table

What you say to your kids at the table is just as important as what you serve. Here are nine phrases that should be off-limits during mealtime.

Medically reviewed by Jill Castle, M.S., RDN

While family mealtime can feel like chaos at the end of a long day, it's a great opportunity for everyone to come together. Shared dinners provide a space for conversation about family happenings, current events, and plans for the evening. Numerous studies show that eating dinner together could also influence health and promote better eating habits.

Want to make the most of these family mealtime benefits? The key is watching what you say around the table. Indeed, the messages you give your children about food can have a powerful effect on their relationship with eating, so make sure you're not saying the wrong phrases.

Keep reading to learn nine things not to talk about at the dinner table, plus reasons why these phrases can have negative consequences for your child.

Related: Best Meal Delivery Services for Families

1. "You can have dessert if you eat your vegetables."

No foods (including dessert) should be offered as a reward or withheld as a punishment. Not only does it elevate dessert to super-special status, but it sends the message that you have to eat the "yucky" stuff to get to the "yummy" stuff.

When serving dessert, all family members should be given the choice to have it, regardless of how much they ate during dinnertime. If your child only wants to eat dessert and no actual dinner food, make dessert an occasional treat. You can also try serving dessert with dinner; the idea may sound crazy, but it works for some kids.

2. "You're so picky."

Labeling kids is never helpful because it can cause them to internalize certain assumptions. Even saying they're a picky eater or a slow eater can become part of their identity, which might have a lasting impact on how they view themselves.

In fact, researchers note that labels can be confining for kids and could end up doing more damage than good. For example, a kid who's been called "picky" might constantly think, "I don't like a lot of foods and I'm afraid to try new things." They might even act in a way that lives up to their label.

3. "Eat five more bites of chicken and three more bites of peas."

Parents say these phrases with the best intentions: You probably don't think your child has eaten enough of the "good" stuff, and you're attempting to make their meal more healthy, balanced, and nutritious.

But you should never dictate how much children should eat. Doing so could make a child think they always have to keep eating—even if they're full—and it could lead to health concerns in the future.

4. "You wouldn't like it."

Even if you're 99% sure your child won't like something, never discourage them from trying it anyway. It's fine to give a heads-up that something is garlicky, extra tangy, or even super spicy, but still be open and encouraging about trying it.

You're helping your child be more adventurous and curious in the long run. Not only will they become more willing to try new foods, but this approach also could carry over into other areas of their life, giving them the confidence to step out of their comfort zone more often.

Related: 63 Fun Questions to Get Your Kid Talking

5. "You have to try it."

The "one-bite rule" works great for some kids, since it might encourage them to try things they wouldn't otherwise. But for other kids, it can create a battle at the dinner table. It can also lead to food aversions, selective eating, or negative relationships to new foods.

While it's important to offer your kids new and nutritious foods to try, you also want to build autonomy by letting them determine what they eat and how much. You should never force a child to try something they don't want to taste, but instead allow them the freedom to make food choices and learn how to nourish their bodies.

6. "Great job cleaning your plate!"

If you praise your child for finishing their meal, you're communicating that a clean plate at the end of dinner is the goal. For kids who seek your approval, this statement can be particularly damaging.

When kids equate having a clean plate with being a good kid, they will start to ignore their hunger and fullness cues, and instead work on getting all the food down so they can be praised by you. As a solution, try not to comment on how much your child is eating or not eating. Trust that they will eat as much as their body needs.

7. "Eat more quinoa; it's healthy."

When you label foods as "good" or "healthy," you're assigning value to those items, or giving them a health halo. But there are multiple issues with this approach—for example, it can lead kids to associate good behavior with eating certain foods.

In other words, if they eat quinoa, they're making good choices and being healthy, but if they eat something else, they're not being healthy. This can lead to guilt and food deprivation—especially if they only try to eat the "healthy" foods.

Research shows that this approach also can lead to overeating, too. When kids think a food is healthy, they don't pay as much attention to how much they're eating and can overindulge.

Related: 11 Important Components of Kids' Nutrition

8. "Pizza is so fattening."

Most nutrition experts indicate that you shouldn't label foods in a negative way. Try not to say something is bad for them, fattening, or unhealthy. In fact, all foods can be part of a balanced eating plan.

When you label foods in a negative way, you can unintentionally cause your child to feel guilt or shame when they eat certain foods. And, in extreme cases, they may feel like they need to consume certain foods in secret, hide evidence of what they've eaten, or binge on them when no one is around. Ultimately, these behaviors can lead to disordered eating.

9. "Stop wasting food."

Criticizing your kids for wasting food can cause them to feel pressured to clean their plates, even when they're full. This, in turn, can lead to overeating, as well as difficulty distinguishing between hunger and fullness cues—essential skills in budding eaters. Or, if they do not finish the food, they could feel guilt and shame, which could impact their relationship with food, too.

If you are concerned about how much food your child is putting on their plate, in their cereal bowl, or in their hand, give them tools to serve themselves an appropriate portion. For instance, provide them with a measuring cup to scoop out a serving of cereal or an appropriately-sized spoon to add potatoes to their plate. And always remind them that if they want more, they can always come back for another serving.

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