12 Foreplay Positions Fun Enough to Be the Main Event
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When we’re talking sex positions, we tend to focus solely on the main event: where to do it, how to do it, and how much to do it, etc. Mostly absent from this discussion is any mention of foreplay positions — the very stuff that gets us doing it in the first place — and we’ve overlooked them for too long. Because, after all, one can’t have a middle and end without first having a beginning. And really, we can’t reasonably expect to reach a rewarding conclusion without putting in at least a little work on the front end.
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And that work doesn’t just start in bed. “Foreplay is everything that leads to having sex, so technically this starts at any point after your last sexual connection,” sex coach Jenna Switzer tells SheKnows. “We often think of it as simply what happens just before sex to turn us on, but in reality, foreplay is all the little things that keep us attracted to our partner(s) and lead us to sexual intimacy. “
And foreplay gets a bad rap as the part you have to just power through to get aroused, before you can get to the “good stuff”. In our humble opinion, it’s all good stuff — and it’s not just about getting the relevant body parts appropriately hard, wet, etc. “The whole constellation of activities such as kissing, caressing, touching, oral sex, and verbal exchange is aimed at building arousal, anticipation and sexual tension between partners,” Aliyah Moore, PhD, a certified sex therapist and relationship expert at SexualAlpha, tells SheKnows. Foreplay, Moore explains, can enhance sensation, deepen your emotional connection, help you maintain mutual satisfaction, and let you both indulge in novelty and creativity. “Foreplay gives the partners a chance of discovering something new,” she says, like “experimenting with new methods, positions, and fantasies, which is an improvement to their sexual repertoire.”
When it comes to the best foreplay positions, it’s all about experimenting with what feels best for you and your partner(s). Of course, some might argue that there are only a handful of ways to do foreplay — and all of them are pretty self-explanatory — but the same could be said about sex itself. The whole thing is pretty straightforward, but that doesn’t keep us from inventing slightly new ways to do it or discussing its many intricacies, and a couple small tweaks can make a major difference. So with that in mind, let’s give foreplay its due. Break out a few of these spicy foreplay positions next time you’re getting hot and heavy and see what a difference some creativity can make.
Spoon
You can’t go wrong with this classic, which is perfect for lazy mornings or late, sleepy nights. You and your partner both lie down on your sides, facing the same direction. The partner in back slides their arms around the one in front, giving them perfect access for hugging, kissing, and touching. “Spoon position is designed to be cozy and close with comfort to your partner, as well as to prevent strain on people’s bodies as much as possible,” Moore says. It’s also perfect if you and your partner are different heights or sizes, letting you explore each other’s bodies at your leisure.
Virgo
The Virgo is a perfect position for impromptu oral sex — or foreplay that feels a little out-of-the-box. The receiving partner starts by standing with their back against a wall. Their legs should be far enough apart that their partner can sit down — legs crossed, facing the receiving partner — and slide in between their legs. The receiving partner can lean against the wall and bend their knees until their partner has ample access to their nether parts. From there, you can both engage in some serious finger and oral play.
Up Against the Wall
Get spontaneous with this simple standing foreplay position. One partner stands flat against the wall with their back to their partner, while the other partner stands behind with their arms around them to touch and kiss. This position is perfect for heating things up even before you get to the bedrooms (gently pressing your partner into a wall or door because you can’t wait to get your hands on them? Hot) as well as providing support, balance, and the potential for touch and play all over the body, Moore says.
Low Doggy
The Low Doggy serves as an excellent precursor to from-behind penetration, but it’s exciting enough to stand on its own. Start by lying, face-down, on a bed, a couch, or some other comfy surface. The receiving partner can bend their knees so their feet are in the air, with a pillow under their pelvis to make things a little cozier. Their partner can climb on top so both partners’ knees and heads are aligned. From there, they can penetrate the receiving partner with their fingers or a toy (LELO Enigma is great if you want a particularly intense experience). If you’re into it, hair-pulling is a sexy addition to this position.
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Mirage
As a foreplay position, the Mirage goes both ways, inviting both you and your partner to get in on the action. The receiving partner starts by lying down with their knees bent and feet planted on the ground (or the bed, or the couch — you know the drill.) Their partner kneels, straddling the receiving partner’s head, facing their legs. From there, they can bend over to reach the receiving partner’s genitals and vice versa, leaving you both free to stimulate each other with mouth and hands.
Temptation
The Temptation is a fun way to turn up the heat — before sex, in the middle of it, or even at the end of it. The receiving partner starts by lying down on the edge of a surface — ideally, somewhere that’s pretty high up. Think: a table, a countertop, or possibly a bed (assuming it’s adequately lofted). Once lying down, they can bend their knees and pull them into their chest so their feet are way up in the air. If it’s comfortable, they can even rock forward a little bit and prop themselves up on the elbows. From there, their partner can stand, facing the receiving partner, and they can stimulate them using their fingers or a toy (I love suction toys for this kind of position — like Womanizer Premium or Unbound’s Puff for people with clits), and the receiving partner can reach down to stimulate them as well. The best part? This foreplay position puts you face to face, so you can kiss each other the entire time.
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Reverse
The Reverse is an excellent foreplay option for those looking to try something very new. The receiving partner lies down with their knees bent and feet planted in front of them. (The bend can be pretty subtle as long as it feels stable and comfortable.) Their partner to lies down on top, facing the ceiling, with their head aligned with the receiving partner’s legs, and their legs bent, straddling the receiving partner’s head. Once there, adjust until your partner’s genitals reach your mouth and you can engage in some serious oral play.
Hunger
The Hunger is a classic foreplay position — one you’ll likely recognize, even if you’ve never called it by that name. The receiving partner starts by sitting on the edge of the bed, knees bent and toes grazing the floor. Their partner kneels in front, facing them. From there, they can engage in all kinds of finger and oral play — even stimulating the receiving partner with a toy, if you so choose. Since this position starts on the bed, it’s a perfect segue into more classic penetrative sex as well as other kinds of foreplay.
Tamer
The Tamer is an incredibly cozy form of foreplay, fit for drowsy mornings and late evenings alike. The receiving partner lies on their side, and invites their partner to do the same — but they should be lying perpendicular to the receiving partner, with their upper body nestled between the receiving partner’s legs. (You should be able to make eye contact. If you aren’t, one of you is facing the wrong way!) From there, they should have easy access to the receiving partner’s genitals, giving them space to stimulate their fingers or a sex toy (Dame’s Com Wand Vibrator is an amazing option for this one). And the receiving partner can reach behind themselves to stimulate their partner, too.
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Compliment
Another classic form of foreplay, the Compliment is an easy addition to anyone’s sexual repertoire. The receiving partner kneels just behind the edge of the bed, while their partner kneels on the ground in front of them. They can adjust as necessary until they can easily reach the receiving partner’s genitals, and then stimulate them using their mouth, their hands, or a sex toy.
Pendant
69 by another name, the Pendant invites you and your partner to pleasure each other in equal measure. One partner lies down with their knees bent and their feet planted in front of them, while the other climbs on top of them, facing them, with the top partner’s legs straddling their torso and head snuggled in between their legs. From there, you should have access to each other’s genitals, giving you both the opportunity to stimulate each other however you see fit — with your mouths, your hands, or a couple sex toys.
Blindfolded
Nothing like incorporating a homemade sex toy to spice things up. “Just before sex, if you’re looking to heighten arousal, you can try blindfolding a partner (or have them close their eyes) and touch them in various ways,” Switzer suggests. “You could do finger tips, deeper massages, light spanks, try exploring different parts of their body than where you normally spend time.” You can use a sleep mask, a necktie, or a dark T-shirt as a DIY blindfold.
Foreplay Tips
Pair your new foreplay positions with these expert tips to keep things fresh and fun:
Foreplay can last all day long. No, we’re not talking about spending the whole day in bed together (although… that sounds fun) — more like finding ways to tease and flirt throughout the day so you’re riled up by the time you’re both home. “Is your partner turned on by sexy photos, flirty texts, dirty talk, surprises?” Switzer says. “If you’re not sure, simply ask! Find ways to incorporate versions of this throughout the day.”
Spell it out. Heighten the excitement of whatever position you choose “by telling your partner exactly what you plan to do to them (or exactly what you want them to do to you),” Switzer says. “This gives us a sensual mental image, a sense of excitement, and heightened awareness of the experience.” It’s also a great way make sure you’re both on board with what’s coming next, while keeping you in the moment together. That kind of communication is crucial, Moore adds. “Open and honest communication will help you grasp your partner’s wants, limits, and expectations.”
Pay attention. “Focus on your partner’s responses and signals during foreplay,” Moore says. “Try to investigate multiple kinds of touch, pressure and stimulation to define what gives each of you the most pleasure.” Plus, seeing what turns your partner on will be a huge turn-on for you too.
Involve every sense. Light some candles, play some soft music, and put on your silkiest sheets or clothes. It’s worth the effort: Engaging all five senses during foreplay can help to build arousal and pleasure, Moore says.
Lube it up. Lube can add comfort and satisfaction during foreplay, especially if you’re getting into manual stimulation or oral sex, Moore says. She recommends using a water- or silicon-based lubricant that works with condoms and sex toys.
Keep up the eye contact. Eye contact is a seriously underrated turn-on. “Eye contact can make intimacy and connection during foreplay even more profound,” Moore explains. “Stare into the eyes of your partner, as you discover unknown places in each other and translate your desire and passion without words.”
Take your time. Foreplay isn’t the appetizer — “it’s the ingredients of the main dish,” Switzer says. It’s what will make that main dish taste oh-so-delicious. “Also, foreplay is a great time to explore and tease, find new erogenous zones, and spice up your sex life,” she adds, so enjoy every moment and don’t rush through it.
A previous version of this article was published in 2020.
You can be your own passionate partner. Try out these masturbation positions for DIY pleasure:
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