9 Alarmingly Caloric Foods You Never Would've Expected

By: Kristin Hunt

Credit: Wikimedia Commons/ Jennifer Bui/Thrillist

Buying granola instead of Funyuns for your pantry is a major step. It means you’re maturing, you’re health-conscious, and you’re maybe just a little scared of your doctor. But a lot of the more natural foods out there contain a deceptive number of calories. We took a look at 10 seemingly healthy foods (and drinks) packing major calorie heat and compared them to common junk foods. While we realize these guys have other redeeming qualities that peanut butter cups just don’t, you deserve to know the truth.

One avocado = 85 Jelly Belly jelly beans
We’ve been using the fact that avocado is a fruit to justify our collective guacamole obsession for years, but it’s time to face the facts. An average avocado is hiding 320 calories, which equals an insane number of jelly beans. On the one hand, avocados also have protein and iron. But on the other, 85 Jelly Bellys probably make you hear colors, which is way cooler than nutrients.

More: The Healthiest Order at Every Major Fast-Food Chain

Credit: Shutterstock/ Jennifer Bui/Thrillist

1 cup of cooked quinoa = 17 Nacho Cheese Doritos
Quinoa: deceptively spelled, deceptively full of calories. You’ve got to watch portioning here, because a cup of the cooked stuff is around 220 calories, or the equivalent of 17 OG Doritos. Uncooked quinoa is even more caloric, but we’re going to assume you’re normal and not eating this stuff raw.

1 cup of almonds = Three Snickers bars
Really, most nuts are secret calorie bombs. (A notable exception? Cashews.) But one of the worst offenders is the almond. Just a cup of these guys will cost you 800+ calories, which is the same tally you’d get from multiple Snickers. And those already have nuts.

One mango = four Oreos
While bananas (110) and pears (100) are probably a little more caloric than you expected, the mango puts both to shame with its 200 count. Consuming just one is the same as making a decent dent in a sleeve of original Oreos, which require far less paring.

More: The Fruits in a Typical Fruit Salad, Ranked

Credit: Shutterstock/ Jennifer Bui/Thrillist

Olive Oil
1 tbsp of olive oil = 13 Ore-Ida French fries
Better stay clear of those fancy hand-pressed olive oil samples at Whole Foods. A single tablespoon of the stuff carries around 120 calories. That’s 120 calories you could be wasting on roughly 13 freezer fries (specifically, Ore-Ida Golden Fries) instead, and as we all know, fried freezer foods make the best snacks.

1 tbsp of hummus = 1 Totino’s pepperoni pizza roll
First of all, expecting human beings to portion hummus by tablespoons is patently unfair. Second, each spoonful is almost the exact caloric equivalent of a pepperoni pizza roll. Factor in the calories of the pita chip or veggie stick you’re presumably smearing that hummus on and Totino’s is the “slimmer” option by a long shot.

More: The 10 Worst Foods For Your Heart, According to a Cardiologist

Credit: Shutterstock/ Jennifer Bui/Thrillist

Black beans
1 cup of black beans = One slice of Carvel Celebration ice cream cake
Beans are filling for a reason: one (cooked) cup comes out to about 227 calories. You know what else is that caloric? A slice of the Carvel Celebration ice cream cake you can find in most grocery stores. Though the incredibly clever “Happy Bird-Day” message you frosted on top probably adds an extra 10.

Orange juice
One glass of orange juice = 12 Pringles
OJ has a lot of great things like calcium and vitamin C, but it also doesn’t skimp on the calories. Each glass is 120 calories, making one as calorie-rich as a small stack of Pringles – and the Tropicana orange doesn’t have nearly as great a mustache as Julius Pringles. So low marks all around.

1 cup of granola = Two bags of M&M’s
If you had to filter the ingredients in trail mix by calories, you’d probably put the chopped M&M’s in the top tier and the granola in the bottom, right? Wrong. While granola can obviously vary, a cup of brands like Bear Naked has 480 calories, which is the same as two whole bags of M&M’s. And since you already know the truth about another common trail mix ingredient (almonds), you might as well just skip the mix and go straight for the candy.

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