8 Women Describe What It's Like to Date Much Older Men
Age gap relationships-namely, women dating older men seem to be something that fascinate a lot of people (rightly or wrongly). Here, 8 women who have dated wayyy older guys explain what it's really like.
1. "My parents disowned me. We don't talk anymore."
"I'm the happiest I've ever been. The age gap is 21 years - I know, it seems very scandalous. I finished high school and went straight into university, I now have a stable teaching job. During the beginning of us living together, it felt as though I was a ghost in his home; he would be busy with work, yelling on the phone and I'd just be trying to zone it all out, but [now] whenever we're together, he answers the phone and tells people he'll call them right back and that he's with someone very important. So, in that respect, I guess I did feel as though I was "setting up shop" but now that I have a sense of completion and pride of who I'm with and our personal, yet, intertwined life journeys, I'm no longer a lost girl looking for some place to rent in someone else's world.
"One of my friends took a while to get over it. Her and I moved in together straight out of high school, when I told her I was going to move in with him, it tore our friendship apart. We haven't spoken since. I write her letters weekly, but she never responds. My parents basically disowned me. We don't talk anymore." [via]
2. "He's much less pushy about sex than younger guys."
"[It's] like being in any other long-term relationship. Except he's less annoying and pushy about sex than younger guys are. And way hotter. I get a lot of shit for it, but it's honestly the best decision I could've made. [We don't get any] strange looks, surprisingly. We get that we're 'a cute couple' pretty often, but we always holding hands and doing cute things. The majority of the shit I get is from jealous younger guys. There is the 'age differences are always manipulative' group, too.
"My mother wasn't that happy at first, because when she found out about him, I was graduating high school and moving in with him on the other side of the country. After I moved here though, she's making an effort to be nice to him. I think it's because she thought I wouldn't go to college, but I am. [Our] age difference is 12 years. I've found that, generally, older guys are more responsive to what I do and don't want to do. I'm borderline asexual, so it's a big deal for someone to be impatient and pushy about sex. This is a generalisation, but younger guys tend to try to annoy me into doing things." [via]
3. "I felt like I had autonomy... but maybe he was manipulating me."
"In the moment, it seems beautiful and romantic. Sometimes conversation would wander onto the reality of it and things got a little bit awkward - I didn't understand why until I got older. Now, I look back on it and it freaks me out a little bit. Knowing girls who are the age I was then and men the age he was, it seems so creepy and weird. It looked profoundly different from the inside.
"It was when I was 17 to almost 19 and he was 29-30. At the time I didn't feel like I was being taken advantage of. I definitely felt like I had autonomy, but now looking back, I can see a little bit of his skittishness. Not necessarily like he was doing something wrong, but that he knew that he was walking a fine line. Maybe he was manipulating me, maybe he wasn't, I never actively felt like he was but I was basically a child." [via]
4. "All older men saw were my young, good looks."
"I eventually realised that while I was seeing older men as these mature, refined, more stable and interesting people, they were not seeing me as a person in the same way. Instead, when they looked at me, all they saw was my young good looks. It was all about my sexual market value. That's really all I was to them, my appearance, and that was the only thing about me of value to them.
"I finally got wise and stopped dating much older guys, and if I had a time machine I'd go back and warn my younger self against doing it because in the same way it's a trope that rich guys hate it when gold diggers want them for their financial market value, I hated it that they just wanted me for my looks." [via]
5. "We ran out of things to talk about."
"Dated someone with an 11 year age gap. Eventually it got boring because our interests were so different we ran out of stuff to talk about. It was mostly just small talk like 'how was your day?' and 'do you watch this show?'... just random stuff. Our schedules were completely different as well. It was weird." [via]
6. "We don't argue about petty shit."
"My boyfriend is 30 years older than me, we have been together nine years. One of the things I noticed with him is that he doesn't 'allow' me to do things, I am an adult and I can hang out, drink, socialise, and be friends with whoever I want to be. He honestly doesn't care. We don't argue over petty shit, if there is an issue we can sit down, talk it out like adults and come up with a solution (80% of the time - don't get me wrong after nine years there have been a few big blow outs). I don't have to clean up after him ever, he's an adult and he acts like one. IDK I just like feeling like I have a partner and not someone who is trying to make my world revolve around them." [via]
7. "He always spoke down to me."
"I dated a guy who was 11 years older than me. He basically consistently spoke down to me and ridiculed me for being young. Ya know, he's older and wiser and I'll understand someday.... yeah it's a while later now and I understand how he was just a prick. Older men definitely tend be controlling and on the manipulative side. Didn't last too long cause that's a huge NOPE for me." [via]
8. "Our sex drives don't match."
"I'm 25 and he is 48. I would say sex drive [is one of the biggest issues we face]. He is a settled man who can go months, if not years, completely content with his hand. I am one of those people who enjoy sex two to three times a week. I can't say we have really worked this out so much as slowly met in the middle. Also, this may be odd, but we sleep in separate beds. Best. Arrangement. Ever. Sharing is overrated." [via]
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